Hi,
I am 24 and my mom (56) has Alzheimer. She was diagnosed about 1.5 years ago, but I thought its merely a description for bad memory, so I didn't worry too much about it. About March this year, she was diagnosed with depression and that made me burst into tears and essentially made a huge U-turn in my life.
I was actually an international student in the UK, already secured a Graduate job with one of the biggest company before the diagnosis. Sometimes also referred as the ultimate role model in my uni or employers.
All the children are studying aboard and achieving good things, but mom was lonely at home in my home country, together with dad (she doesn't like him too much). We believe loneliness is what caused her depression. It took me about 2 months to decide to drop off everything I achieved in the UK and return to my home country, thinking my presence itself can make her feel happy and slow the progression significantly.
It is one week after I returned home, she is aware of my presence. But now I learnt that I didn't make any difference, it makes me feel very sad. Sometimes I question myself why did I even give up everything I achieved in the UK, I lost everything. Every time I see her confused, it is heart-aching. "DO SOMETHING! SAVE MUM!" reads in my mind, but the reality is that no matter what I do, the effect won't be very significant.
There might still be a chance to return to the UK and pick back the job if they haven't found a replacement. But I see this as a very selfish move, it makes my dad handle everything alone and I am escaping from reality. The dilemma is:
if I stay home: I can't do much anyway, but MAYBE I am actually helping just by my presence. I still have a good graduate job here, but my life won't be as luxurious as living in the UK. But I can't do much besides watching her going slowly. This is very sad, sometimes I want to hide in my room and cry.
If I go back to the UK: I am escaping from reality - hiding the problem. I stop reminding myself of the problem because I can't do anything, but who knows I am unconsciously making it worse by not being with her? Also, I am making my dad handle everything alone, the worst thing is one day he will stress out and that is very damaging to his mental health. Even a few weeks before returning home, I get reminded of my mom and get extremely upset - meaning I can't hide either, it will still haunt me wherever I am.
At the time being, I am doing a lot of research on what can I do to slow the progress, including getting her the right nutrients. I know it takes months to see some effect, but I might see disappointment too, and that will probably crush me even harder, thinking I failed. But I can't do nothing now!
We are looking to enroll her into a local Alzheimer club, overlooked by trained nurses and engages Alzheimer patients with group activities. I hope the social engagement helps my mum.
Speaking to one of my friend, the advice is to spend the remaining time with her. But it feels very sad witnessing my loved one going slowly but I can't do anything about it. Why must I watch this?
How should I proceed? I am constantly depressed...
I am 24 and my mom (56) has Alzheimer. She was diagnosed about 1.5 years ago, but I thought its merely a description for bad memory, so I didn't worry too much about it. About March this year, she was diagnosed with depression and that made me burst into tears and essentially made a huge U-turn in my life.
I was actually an international student in the UK, already secured a Graduate job with one of the biggest company before the diagnosis. Sometimes also referred as the ultimate role model in my uni or employers.
All the children are studying aboard and achieving good things, but mom was lonely at home in my home country, together with dad (she doesn't like him too much). We believe loneliness is what caused her depression. It took me about 2 months to decide to drop off everything I achieved in the UK and return to my home country, thinking my presence itself can make her feel happy and slow the progression significantly.
It is one week after I returned home, she is aware of my presence. But now I learnt that I didn't make any difference, it makes me feel very sad. Sometimes I question myself why did I even give up everything I achieved in the UK, I lost everything. Every time I see her confused, it is heart-aching. "DO SOMETHING! SAVE MUM!" reads in my mind, but the reality is that no matter what I do, the effect won't be very significant.
There might still be a chance to return to the UK and pick back the job if they haven't found a replacement. But I see this as a very selfish move, it makes my dad handle everything alone and I am escaping from reality. The dilemma is:
if I stay home: I can't do much anyway, but MAYBE I am actually helping just by my presence. I still have a good graduate job here, but my life won't be as luxurious as living in the UK. But I can't do much besides watching her going slowly. This is very sad, sometimes I want to hide in my room and cry.
If I go back to the UK: I am escaping from reality - hiding the problem. I stop reminding myself of the problem because I can't do anything, but who knows I am unconsciously making it worse by not being with her? Also, I am making my dad handle everything alone, the worst thing is one day he will stress out and that is very damaging to his mental health. Even a few weeks before returning home, I get reminded of my mom and get extremely upset - meaning I can't hide either, it will still haunt me wherever I am.
At the time being, I am doing a lot of research on what can I do to slow the progress, including getting her the right nutrients. I know it takes months to see some effect, but I might see disappointment too, and that will probably crush me even harder, thinking I failed. But I can't do nothing now!
We are looking to enroll her into a local Alzheimer club, overlooked by trained nurses and engages Alzheimer patients with group activities. I hope the social engagement helps my mum.
Speaking to one of my friend, the advice is to spend the remaining time with her. But it feels very sad witnessing my loved one going slowly but I can't do anything about it. Why must I watch this?
How should I proceed? I am constantly depressed...