Should I move back to the US (and other questions)? - Mum may have dementia.

[68Scot]

Hello- through a recent chain of events I have traveled from the States to see my mother and although we are still going through the formal diagnosis process (saw a GP) it is strongly suspected at a minimum she has early stages of Dementia. I have many questions fears so will do my best to summarize my situation which is somewhat unique. Any thoughts/guidance greatly appreciated.

1.) logistics- Both my mother and I have both US and UK citizenship. She lives in Scotland and i live in US. I should note I am the only child and my mother is not married.
2.) what I have done- besides having the initial consult. I am having a UK POA and Will drawn up and expect to have by Tuesday. Note: my mother retired from a US Gov job and has most of her retirement income coming from US. I do have a equivalent documents for the US.
3.) Mother has family in UK relatively close and I have had some of them added to POA for
Local assistance. However my mother lives in one jurisdiction and local support is in another.
4.) home- my mother owns her home outright and is open to selling and moving if that is the decided course of action.

Concerns/questions-
1.) initial consult did not give me direct information on who I can follow-up with on additional testing and formal diagnosis etc. I have to leave Wed (although expect to return) back to States and this leaves me unsettled. It almost a don’t call us I’ll call you
Mentality. Since my mother lives alone I’m not sure she would make or keep an appointment if called. Relatives wouldn’t know about it.
2.) should I move back or not. My life/job/ house is in States. I don’t have my own family so that isn’t a real consideration but the decision is real. No guarantee of a job etc. naturally I have heard “ she would want you to live your life” but that doesn’t seem right as she would be alone for the most part and I cannot leave my other relatives to handle this. Part of it is selfish as I Think guilt would be unbearable. BTW- she doesn’t want to move to States and I think it would be worse for her as she wouldn’t know anyone.
3.) I am working through the POA/financial issues but haven’t even touched on what is available for supported housing, care giver etc.

Positive I am only skimming the surface but again anything anyone can think of is greatly appreciated.

Regards,
Phil

 

[Izzy]

Hi @68Scot and welcome to the forum.

I’m sorry to hear of your situation, especially as you live so far away from your mothers.

I realise that you don’t have a formal diagnosis as yet but but it’s worth knowing that people are entitled to one year’s post diagnostic support in Scotland. I don’t know the ins and outs of that as it didn’t exist when my husband was diagnosed. Perhaps this information will be useful -

http://www.knowledge.scot.nhs.uk/supportingpeopledementia.aspx

In Scotland people over 65 are also entitled to free personal care - not social care. I’m not sure if your mother is in need of this as yet but it’s also worth bearing in mind.

https://www2.gov.scot/Topics/Health.../Adult-Social-Care/Free-Personal-Nursing-Care

You might also find it useful to give the Alzheimer Scotland Helpline a ring. They are open 24/7.

https://www.alzscot.org/

 

[marionq]

We did get the care @Izzy refers to. It was called a Link worker and the link was between the client and social and health services. They came once a month to give advice and suggestions and I found them very helpful. If the client is on medication then they get a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) instead and they too come once a month or more if needed.

They were good at suggesting Alzheimers groups John could go to and then arranging daycare. The weakness here is that your Mum has no one with her to keep appointments. I would be sorry too to see you give up your life in the States because it will not be much of a life for you here cut off socially and without a job.

It is certainly a lot to think about. Are there good care homes close to where you work and live in the States? Would it be worth a try to take her back and book her in for a month to one near you where you could visit regularly. Tell her it's a holiday you have booked. See how she does and then think again how she would be long term.

Best wishes.