Sorry that my first post is so selfish, but I am not doing very well with the constant stream of shouted abuse that greets my every visit, or that comes with my mother’s phone calls. The GPs are doing their best and will visit again soon. I have spoken to social services, the GP has asked psych and SS to reassess, and I know the theory that this is the disease and not personal. But still I have no idea what to do, how not to cry every time, how to meet the needs of someone who only screams how terrible a daughter and person I am, how she hates me, how she hopes I have a terrible old age. Nothing I do helps, no act of kindness is acknowledged or remembered, and as have come to hate visiting and to dread all phone calls.
It's not a selfish post. But here's a few practical suggestions.
Don't respond beyond general single replies and instead aim to deflect and distract. Responding is pointless. Feel sorry that mum is so ill but don't take it personally - easier said than done I know. My mum was a horror for a few years.
Diversions - food, TV, treats, whatever works. With my mum Belgian chocolate mousse had an almost magical effect. Don't feel obliged to be truthful or to 'resolve' anything.
No one with dementia acknowledges kindness or has any empathy or awareness of others. That's just the way it is. It's a form of progressive brain damage.
My mum once publicly accused me and my 7 year old grand daughter of trying to murder her. She screamed it at the top of her voice in the street (she was trying to thwart an outing for 7yo). Luckily, our neighbours laughed and I got mum in the car and produced said mousse from pocket with a teaspoon. The rest of the outing was fine. 7yo still giggles about it.
Medication did help my mum and also being alert to other things that caused dramatic mood change including UTIs and dehydration.
Here's something to read -
Compassionate Communication but you can step back a bit too and keep telling yourself she's very sick, very vulnerable and it's BECAUSE you matter you are receiving the ****. Let steam off here.