I care for my dad who lives with us and has mixed dementia.four years on and deterioration has begun quite quickly. recently he went out of the house around 5am.I drove round like a mad woman in my PJ's and eventually rang the police.who were fantastic.I contacted social services as instructed,ordered a gps tracker,door alarm and took dads keys from him.I am still shocked and upset.yesterday I got a phone call from safe guarding and the person was terrible.very blameful and made me feel like the worst daughter in the world.my dad makes his own choices and I try to support that even though they are not always in his own best interests.i am lucky if I can get him to wash/shower and change his clothes once a week.he refuses to have any input from any services.he is incontinent but removes his pull ups.not an ideal situation but its what it is and I try my best to manage.I also work full time,shame on me.I cant afford to stop work to look after dad.my partner and I pay for everything because my dad will not spend money on anything.he genuinely is frightened of not having enough and worries about it.now I have been informed that a team will be coming to assess dad,myself and partner and will be sending a community support team in even if dad refuses! I don't have a problem with being assessed. they need to make sure dad is being looked after properly. very emotional time at the moment.
low point
- Thread starter nikki63
- Start date
How very dare they make you feel guilty! My husband was an epic wanderer despite my being with him 24 hours a day. Mobile phones, GPS trackers, removing keys, money, travel cards. Nothing deterred him and on one occasion as we came in the back door he was already out the front door while I was locking up.
I feel no guilt. I spent months trailing the neighbourhood with him or looking for him. Wet nights or summer days he had to be on the go. Nightmare I couldn't live again.
If you are offered care for your Dad then take it. You will not stop the wandering. If you have financial POA organise AA and make arrangements for his contribution to the household.. Do not be bullied by your Dad or by a social worker who clearly knows nothing useful about this predicament.
Best wishes.
I feel no guilt. I spent months trailing the neighbourhood with him or looking for him. Wet nights or summer days he had to be on the go. Nightmare I couldn't live again.
If you are offered care for your Dad then take it. You will not stop the wandering. If you have financial POA organise AA and make arrangements for his contribution to the household.. Do not be bullied by your Dad or by a social worker who clearly knows nothing useful about this predicament.
Best wishes.
If you don’t already have Lasting Power of Attorney for health and finance you need to convince your father to do them straight away, assuming he still has mental capacity, then you can access his finances, which will make life easier for you, and give you some authority when dealing with Social Services about his welfare. I convinced The Banjoman into donating them by saying that if anything happened to him, like a stroke or an accident which left him unable to look after his own affairs, if The Court of Protection got involved it would cost a lot of money for them to deal with things, it would be cost free if family did it. I also did the same with my Dad 20+ years ago!
The Banjoman still refuses to accept how much money he has in his bank account despite me showing him the statement every month, so once you have the LPA you just have to approve all necessary payments for carers etc. and know you are taking care of things safely for him. There is no reason for you to use your income for his care.
As you have obviously done your best to assure his safety after a distressing episode I think you can face down any stroppy social worker who tries throwing their opinions about!
Good luck.
The Banjoman still refuses to accept how much money he has in his bank account despite me showing him the statement every month, so once you have the LPA you just have to approve all necessary payments for carers etc. and know you are taking care of things safely for him. There is no reason for you to use your income for his care.
As you have obviously done your best to assure his safety after a distressing episode I think you can face down any stroppy social worker who tries throwing their opinions about!
Good luck.
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Yes, try and get POA. It will save a lot of bother later.
Sorry to hear one person at the council was so rude but put it behind you and don't worry about the assessment either. If all goes well both you and your Dad will benefit enormously and be given information to help you in the future.
Sorry to hear one person at the council was so rude but put it behind you and don't worry about the assessment either. If all goes well both you and your Dad will benefit enormously and be given information to help you in the future.
I assume that the person in safeguarding insinuated that you aught to give up work to look after him. If so, they are bang out of order. Not everyone can give up work and no one should have to anyway.
Hopefully, this meeting with the Community Support Team will lead to your dad getting the support he needs, even though he doesnt want it. There comes a time when you have to change from supporting and enabling their desires to implementing what is needed, and I think you and your dad have reached that stage.
