Thank you Grahamstown for your support and the understanding,I'm going to have to try really hard to get my health back ,it all seem to be going so slow for my liking ,but I have time now to try and look after myself. Everything always seems twice as bad when you're on your own you feel as there's no one cares if your ill or not . At least we can talk to people on TP what ever time of day for support and they know exactly what you're going through.Thank You so much.xx
How to accept your Husband going into a care Home I Feel Broken
- Thread starter Martarita
- Start date
Posting here saves our sanity when things are so tough. Illness alone makes it worse so TP is always there for us x Sue
I do feel for you but please do not judge yourself and feel guilty, you love your husband and it understandable that we always wish we could do the impossible but you need that energy to recover and get better. The strain has been unbearable so please give yourself time. Xxx
Thank you Alice A the thing is I seem to be taking one step forward and two steps back . Hopefully soon I'll be well again .Thank You word of concern.xx
Soon it will be two steps forward and one back, then if you are kind to yourself you will be striding forward again.
Sometimes we are so busy caring we forget about ourselves, it does build up. Xxx
Ho I do hope so Alice A ,I know what you mean about forgetting ourselves,I really did neglected myself I didn't have the time ,my husband came first and foremost I was all consumed in is care and what I had to do , I thought I could make him better , but no of course I couldn't, all I could was my very best to care and love him and along the way I was getting more and more ill ,I hope you right it just seems to be so slow to recover especially when your getting older .Thank you so much for posting back to me and for your support and understanding .xx
I know age is a problem, we clock up more than 160 years. I must get a full blood test but have been tardy because I have several care issues in the air at the moment. Sometimes it is tempting to throw in the towel and put us both in a carehome! That's on days after I have had a therapeutic treatment that knocks me out more than usual. I bounce back although bounce is a misnomer! However it is not an option and I love my little home!
I do find with age my recovery takes longer. So be patient with yourself, it is easy to expect too much.
I do find with age my recovery takes longer. So be patient with yourself, it is easy to expect too much.
Hello @Martarita.
I was where you are nine years ago.
I understand why you have been so ill. It is not just the trauma of deciding on residential care for your husband, it is also the effect of the physical and emotional toll of years of being a primary carer.
I`ve lost count of the number of carers who become ill once the full responsibility of caring has eased. It`s almost as if, however distressed they are by their decision for residential care, they have permission to be ill, when approaching illness has been either covered up or ignored for years.
I do hope, with all I have, your husband settles well in his care home and once you have recovered your health and strength you will appreciate the benefit of having good people who share the caring with you.
The final years of my husband`s life in his care home were some of the best years we had since dementia was diagnosed. I can honestly say this time has left me with good memories after years of distress.
I hope for the same for you.
I was where you are nine years ago.
I understand why you have been so ill. It is not just the trauma of deciding on residential care for your husband, it is also the effect of the physical and emotional toll of years of being a primary carer.
I`ve lost count of the number of carers who become ill once the full responsibility of caring has eased. It`s almost as if, however distressed they are by their decision for residential care, they have permission to be ill, when approaching illness has been either covered up or ignored for years.
I do hope, with all I have, your husband settles well in his care home and once you have recovered your health and strength you will appreciate the benefit of having good people who share the caring with you.
The final years of my husband`s life in his care home were some of the best years we had since dementia was diagnosed. I can honestly say this time has left me with good memories after years of distress.
I hope for the same for you.
Reassuring post, Sylvia. I know that when I have had to cope and overstretched my resources I have managed. Once everything was on a more even keel I was hit unexpectedly. First time was when I was housebound with two sick children for a year, eventually leading to operations. We had a another major problem at the same time, I sailed through then Wham!
I wish surgeries had a coordinator to be there for Carers. Some areas North Wealth have what is called a Golden Ticket.
I wish surgeries had a coordinator to be there for Carers. Some areas North Wealth have what is called a Golden Ticket.
Thank you Grannie G .Ho I do hope so from the bottom of my heart that I can really have some quality time with him and some lovely memories of time together ,when I get well enough to see him you're exactly right , with the illness you do struggle on not bothering about yourself , it was like a thunderbolt with the Alzheimer's it rapidly got worse,I started feeling poorly and that's when I had to decide,the biggest decision of my life , and the worst one but I'd no choice, now on top of all that is the guilt, I had really come to the end of the line with this cruel,cruel illness , now I need to get well so I can see my lovely husband .thank you so much Grannie G for your comforting words I know you understand what I'm going through.once again thank you .xx
Margarita, I know how you are feeling, because I am feeling the same.
My husband of 55 years went into a Care Home 3 months ago. He is disabled from a stroke and has vascular dementia.
I am beginning to dread visiting him because he doesn’t always know me and can be very angry and aggressive.
I visit every day - twice a day very often. The visits almost always end in tears- mine. Our children are very supportive but they never see him at his worst. Before he went into the care home we were supported by ‘Living Well with Dementia’ and to a lesser extent by an Admiral Nurse. They are no longer in touch with me and I feel abandoned.
My husband of 55 years went into a Care Home 3 months ago. He is disabled from a stroke and has vascular dementia.
I am beginning to dread visiting him because he doesn’t always know me and can be very angry and aggressive.
I visit every day - twice a day very often. The visits almost always end in tears- mine. Our children are very supportive but they never see him at his worst. Before he went into the care home we were supported by ‘Living Well with Dementia’ and to a lesser extent by an Admiral Nurse. They are no longer in touch with me and I feel abandoned.
Hello TriciaBee ,I know my lovely how you are feeling I too feel the same , I see my husband everyday but like I said in a previous post I've been ill physically and emotionally I'll I've not been able to see him for almost 2weeks it's been absolutely awful I've missed him so much,but like you i don't think he really knows who I am now , there's no conversation only sort of mumbling I can't tell what he's saying ,he just walks the corridors, it's so hard to come to terms with , i have phone a service this morning called Carers i think it's council run for our district its called helping carers care it's for support and to talk whether your loved ones is in a care home or not .we just need to talk and maybe get some sort help too to try to accept all of this , every moment of the day he's on my mind , i miss him so much as you will too , we've got to try and be strong but it's so very hard . keep posting I've found it a big help .thank you for your post .My thoughts are with you . take care .xx
