Things are becoming more difficult, need some advice on when and where to get help.

[Kenbob]

Hello,my wife has moderate Alzheimer’s she is not aggressive but can be stubborn also she does become very scared when walking out side and tends to look straight ahead and grips my arm for dear life she doesn’t what to go up the stairs she is frightened with every step and coming down is even worse .
I try to get to have a shower to no avail,so I have to use a sponge or feminine wipes
Doesn’t what to get undressed for bed,says she needs the loo but is afraid and comes back without using it,I am worried about complications. I think she needs her ears syringing and she is now partially sited due the Alzheimer’s.
There are many more problems eg side effects of memantine ,constipation,tiredness and jerking
sorry to go but I now feel I am becoming less patient ratty and stressed and this worries me.

 

[Philbo]

Hi @Kenbob

I am in a similar (but not identical) situation - my wife has fronto temporal dementia.

The similarities though, include trouble with stairs and showering/washing. I find that holding her by the hand or wrist and gently leading her up the stairs usually works best (I tried coaxing her from behind but she just wouldn't lift her feet). Coming down, I stand behind her with one arm under her armpit to support her, while coaxing her to take each step down. Some occasions are easier than others.

Getting her in and out of the bath (shower over bath) used to be like world war three! She always preferred baths but wouldn't sit down, so I got a pvc "bench" which worked for a while however, she hated the water on her face/head and the bathroom floor suffered. So in the end (and in desperation) I started getting into the shower with her. I found that by starting with the water on her feet first, she would tolerate my gradually working my way up, finishing with shampooing her hair.

I only go though this rigmarole once a week though - like you I use soap, flannel and baby wipes the rest of the week. The latest frustration for me though is she now tends to grab hold of the towel as I was her, so it's a bit like wrestling an octopus! Sometimes funny but most times highly annoying.

So hard isn't it.

Regards
Phil

 

[SandraKD]

I suggest you get in contact with your local social services and get a care assessment done for both of you. See if you could get some help with the washing/showering etc.? Would your wife accept help from someone else easier than she will from you?
Even if you are self-funding social services can give you all of the information you need to get help in place so that you are not frazzled and worn out by this horrible disease.
Take care of you, so that you can take care of your wife. Xx

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Kenbob and @Philbo

There seem to be a couple of different factors which lead to the kind of behaviours you both mention. One is probably cognitive decline and the other may be fear.

I know understanding the cause doesn`t make it any easier to manage these behaviours and I also know they don`t necessarily have to be permanent.

Having assessments may result in your getting more practical help and support than you are getting now.

 

[AliceA]

Do consider getting help.
I applied for a Needs Assessment for both of us as I have complex health issues.
Adult services were slow to start with but now they have visited and are making a plan to put in place.
Whether we self fund or not is not an issue at the first stage.
It is all about keeping someone at home for as long as possible.
I have found the Adult Services very helpful and they now have a record.
I was surprised at what they are putting forward, whether it happens or not I wait to see.
I never expect until something is in my hand!

 

[maryjoan]

Hello,my wife has moderate Alzheimer’s she is not aggressive but can be stubborn also she does become very scared when walking out side and tends to look straight ahead and grips my arm for dear life she doesn’t what to go up the stairs she is frightened with every step and coming down is even worse .
I try to get to have a shower to no avail,so I have to use a sponge or feminine wipes
Doesn’t what to get undressed for bed,says she needs the loo but is afraid and comes back without using it,I am worried about complications. I think she needs her ears syringing and she is now partially sited due the Alzheimer’s.
There are many more problems eg side effects of memantine ,constipation,tiredness and jerking
sorry to go but I now feel I am becoming less patient ratty and stressed and this worries me.

You do need help. You need to contact Social Services to see what can be done for you and your wife.
You must do this sooner rather than later.
I have spent 3 weeks, off and on, trying to contact our SS help desk - could not even get them to answer the phone till this afternoon.
I wanted to fact find, about what could be done to assist when I have my knees operated on, as I will not be able to look after my OH and may well need help myself.
Help desk - just took my phone number and said someone would ring me back at some point, but it might be a while ( days? weeks? no idea)
In fairness, she did say in a total emergency the GP could alert SS and get things moving quickly.

I am telling you this, because spending time thinking about doing something will only slow everything down further - make the phone call and get things moving, because if your SS is anything like mine - it could take a while.....

 

[Kenbob]

Thank you very much for the advice I will get things moving regards