Hi, can anyone give me any tips on how to deal with my Mum. Her dementia has recently took a rapid decline and has ended up in hospital. She can't go home for her own safety, but she is asking for her house key constantly and insists she is going home today. She had only been in hospital for 2 days, and from there she will go into a carehome.
Mum wants to go home
- Thread starter gilliano
- Start date
Welcome to TP. In this situation it's probably best to 'deflect' - say that she can go home when the doctor says she is better. Your Mum might take this better from a doctor or nurse. Keep things simple, and don't mention going into a care home. When she is able to be discharged continue to say that she will go home when the doctor says she is better, and is going somewhere nice to recuperate. It's common for those with dementia to say that they want to go home but this can mean a place where they feel safe rather than actual home. The new environment will be very confusing for your Mum so hopefully she will not be in hospital for too long.
Dear Gilliano,
Like many other people here I know what you are going through and you are now at that stage where you are going to have to tell your mum a few love lies to keep her calm. When your mum goes into the home try telling her that she is going to a place to meet new friends or going on holiday
Then to help her settle into the home try organising her things in her room. You don't say whether you are your mum's main carer but you will need to get other family members to pay her lots of visits to help her settle. I was advised not to visit dad for a fortnight as I was his main carer and if he saw me he wouldn't settle.
Good luck
MaNaAk
Like many other people here I know what you are going through and you are now at that stage where you are going to have to tell your mum a few love lies to keep her calm. When your mum goes into the home try telling her that she is going to a place to meet new friends or going on holiday
Then to help her settle into the home try organising her things in her room. You don't say whether you are your mum's main carer but you will need to get other family members to pay her lots of visits to help her settle. I was advised not to visit dad for a fortnight as I was his main carer and if he saw me he wouldn't settle.
Good luck
MaNaAk
Thanks for the advice, I'm finding this part the hardest in our journey with dementia so far. I am lucky in as much as I have 4 sisters and we all share the care, but we are all a bit overwhelmed with the current situation. I will try convincing her that she is on holiday, but I don't think I will have any success. I just hope she forgets home, the way she has forgotten almost everything else .
It must have been hard for you not to visit your Dad for 2 weeks, but did it help him settle?
A very dramatic time for you. Have you asked any of the nurses on duty, or even one of the doctors who help treat your mum how she is when you aren't there?
You may find that although she is incredibly upset when you are visiting her, because she expects you are there to take her home, or that she can at least ensure you do as you are told, she may well be sweetness and light, or at least resigned when you are not there.
Main thing is don't let it make you feel guilty, I know that's easier said than done, but it's not your fault. If your mum seems to be coping better when you aren't there, is it possible to get someone else to do the odd visit, who isn't quite as closely involved, such as a friend if she has any left, or one of her neighbours if any of them have known her for some time, and have been friendly to her?
You may find that although she is incredibly upset when you are visiting her, because she expects you are there to take her home, or that she can at least ensure you do as you are told, she may well be sweetness and light, or at least resigned when you are not there.
Main thing is don't let it make you feel guilty, I know that's easier said than done, but it's not your fault. If your mum seems to be coping better when you aren't there, is it possible to get someone else to do the odd visit, who isn't quite as closely involved, such as a friend if she has any left, or one of her neighbours if any of them have known her for some time, and have been friendly to her?
Hi Chrissie, thanks for your reply. I haven't asked the nurses, but I will do and I really hope she hasn't been asking to come home. The problem is, she has 5 daughters and we're all very close, and there aren't many other people who would visit. She is lucky to be on a ward with amazing staff and there always seems to be a HC with her when we're not there. I will make a point of finding out.
When our pwd was hospitalised she was driving the whole ward up the wall shouting for her teeth, this is just a partial bridge and is not needed for eating, so I had to go and fetch them for her. When i got back I could hear her from the corridor still shouting but once I had given them to her she looked at them then put them away in the drawer and she has never worn them since 
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So I'm wondering if giving her a key maybe one similar to her door key might give her some comfort. Then just repeat the as soon as the doctor says mantra
.So I'm wondering if giving her a key maybe one similar to her door key might give her some comfort. Then just repeat the as soon as the doctor says mantra
A ' convalescent home' was a familiar concept to many older people, so I'd tend to call it that when it's time for the care home. And 'of course', she'll be able to go home when the doctor says she's well enough - it is not alas up to you!
I like the idea of giving her some sort of key anyway.
I like the idea of giving her some sort of key anyway.
Yes! He seemed to settle very well and my brothers were able to come and visit. That was last July and I have just received an email from the care home manageress to say that dad has been put on memantine because his Alzheimers is progressing and he has been hitting out.
It is a very sad situation that we find ourselves in and I am just glad that I found such a good home. I am also keeping an eye on dad's medication since I found out that felodopine somehow found it's way back on to our GP's system! Low blood pressure can affect Alzheimers!
MaNaAk
