Apologies if this has been covered before but my friend Bob who's wife has middle stages Alzheimer's is having real trouble getting her to get dressed, which is fine if they're just staying around the house but she needs to go out to GP and to a friend but she just thinks it's fine to go as she is. She's incredibly feisty and fights him off if try's to dress her. He's at an absolute loss to know what to do. Has anyone got any advice ?
Refuses to get dressed
- Thread starter Ewma J
- Start date
I don't have experience of the situation, however, in the hope that it helps I've put a link to the relevant Society Factsheet. Click the PDF line for an easy read or to print the document
Dressing (510)
PDF printable version
Dressing (510)
PDF printable version
Mum has had periods of refusing to get dressed into day clothes.
Go with the flow, I have seen a few residents in the CH with night clothes on during the day.
Nothing on show, just add a cardigan or blanket as and when required
Go with the flow, I have seen a few residents in the CH with night clothes on during the day.
Nothing on show, just add a cardigan or blanket as and when required
I wonder if they have any external help? Carers coming in? Mummy was very resistant to washing and dressing but since being in a care home, where there is a routine and the carers are well used to these issues, it seems less of a problem. Sometimes someone who isn't family has more success in persuading the PWD to do these things.
With my husband, I found the art was to stop using clothing that had to go on and off over the head. He started to become worried and frustrated by it and I could see he was becoming more reluctant to wear certain things or to face the frustration that getting dressed caused him, with or without help.
Out went jumpers, sweatshirts and t-shirts and in came button-up shirts (long and short-sleeved) and a variety of zip-up or button-up cardigans. If your friend's wife seems like she is flustered by over-the-head clothes, it might be worth him looking at some button-up alternatives for her (if she is still able to partly dress herself, velcro fastenings might help her feel more in control).
Mostly my husband would let me dress him in one go, but the trick was not to rush him at all. If he sensed any hint of being rushed he would become more flustered. Some days he just seemed to struggle more than others, so I would clothe him in what I could to try and keep him warm - but sometimes ended up adding socks or a cardigan to his ensemble as the day went on!
I also found that it was best to avoid any kind of appointments or plans in the mornings. It meant that I sometimes felt much of the day has been wasted - but it did mean I had a better chance of getting him to places in a more relaxed and happy state.
The link @karaokePete provided goes into a lot of other helpful tips, which I hope helps your friend and his wife.
Out went jumpers, sweatshirts and t-shirts and in came button-up shirts (long and short-sleeved) and a variety of zip-up or button-up cardigans. If your friend's wife seems like she is flustered by over-the-head clothes, it might be worth him looking at some button-up alternatives for her (if she is still able to partly dress herself, velcro fastenings might help her feel more in control).
Mostly my husband would let me dress him in one go, but the trick was not to rush him at all. If he sensed any hint of being rushed he would become more flustered. Some days he just seemed to struggle more than others, so I would clothe him in what I could to try and keep him warm - but sometimes ended up adding socks or a cardigan to his ensemble as the day went on!
I also found that it was best to avoid any kind of appointments or plans in the mornings. It meant that I sometimes felt much of the day has been wasted - but it did mean I had a better chance of getting him to places in a more relaxed and happy state.
The link @karaokePete provided goes into a lot of other helpful tips, which I hope helps your friend and his wife.
I have found with mum, a selection of velour zip front leisure suits works well. easy on/easy off, even if she decides to go to bed in one, it doesn't matter. If mum has an appointment on a day when she is really struggling (and the clothes look OK) I have taken her out as she was, the beauty of velour is that it doesn't look creased, as someone else said, I also try to plan appointment for the afternoon to allow more time for showering etc as it all seems to tire mum out.
I am in a steep learning curve and finding that going with the flow rather than fighting to retain what I consider usual/normal works much better all round.
I am in a steep learning curve and finding that going with the flow rather than fighting to retain what I consider usual/normal works much better all round.
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Every morning I wake with a sense of dread. Will he agree to taking his pyjamas off, have a shower and get dressed. There is no rhyme of reason for the good/bad days but as LynMcV says rushing for an appointment is a sure fire way of causing trouble. The PWD seems to sense something is up even though nothing has been said. I try to latch onto things he used to care about. i.e. he hated being cold so I talk about warm shower, warm clothes. This morning he had had a night sweat so I was able to show him his damp pyjamas and say he needed warming up. He seems to react to me being solicitous about his health. My OH reacts badly to my trying to help him dress (last remnant of independence) so I never touch him during morning ablutions, just instruct and mime.
I wonder if with a woman comments about how good she will look in this or that piece of clothing might help. i.e. colour matches your eyes. Flattery helps. I have found that standing my OH in front of mirror to show him how he looks does not work, he does not see what I see. Words however do work.
On the days when we need to be out at a reasonable time I do everything that can be done the night before (empty dishwasher, find clean clothes etc.) This stops me feeling rushed.
You should encourage your friend, Bob, to join the forum himself so he can read and digest these replies. Tell him we are friendly bunch and there are many people in nearly the same situation as him.
I wonder if with a woman comments about how good she will look in this or that piece of clothing might help. i.e. colour matches your eyes. Flattery helps. I have found that standing my OH in front of mirror to show him how he looks does not work, he does not see what I see. Words however do work.
On the days when we need to be out at a reasonable time I do everything that can be done the night before (empty dishwasher, find clean clothes etc.) This stops me feeling rushed.
You should encourage your friend, Bob, to join the forum himself so he can read and digest these replies. Tell him we are friendly bunch and there are many people in nearly the same situation as him.
I have just had to go and buy my dad a cardigan because he lost his in hospital. I am finding it hard to get a jumper over his head and he certainly can't do it.
For my mum when she got to this stage, I changed her wardrobe to items of clothing that were suitable for sleeping in as well as going out in. She was happy to wear trousers so I turned to jogging/casual wear and changed into clean when she had a bath or at any time during the day if she allowed me. Most of the time I was able to change her clothes every 24 hours. It worked well, doing it this way took so much pressure and worry off me, if she did not want to change first thing in the morning, then no problem and our morning routine was much calmer, same with evening bedtime.
The advice from @Tin is good. I have the same problem but in reverse as my wife will not get undressed for bed but will happily wear her nightie on top of her day clothes. Every morning is a trial as I try to get her to change out of things that she has worn for 24 hours or even longer. Best just to accept that changing clothes for night and day is no longer important and take any opportunities to encourage changing of clothes whenever they arise.
