Dad in hospital with pneumonia

[Duggies-girl]

Found dad on the floor this morning in a poor state, shivering and very cold so I called an ambulance. They came fairly quickly and could not find much wrong but they could not stand dad up as his legs would not work properly. Anyway fast forward to this afternoon after many hours in A&E and he has pneumonia.

They have kept him in for the night on intravienous antibiotics and physio are going to check out his walking ability tomorrow.

I feel awful as they would not allow me to stay the night. Dad is on a ward with three other men and it seems ok but I am very worried about dad in case he tries to get out of bed in the night and falls, I did make them very aware of this because he was concerned about finding the toilets. The doctor seemed to be quite dementia aware and said that they would try to get him home as soon as possible.

This is the first time that dad has been away from my control and it is scary as I have always kept him safe and I worry that others may not keep him safe like I have. Also I am worried that I may not be able to have him home again. I am being open here because he has cancer and dementia and possibly mobility problems (legs not working) I spoke to my brother about this tonight and he seems to think that we can manage between us, which actually means that I will be doing 90% of the caring. He is against a care home as it will cost money.

Poor dad is so compliant and I know his last words will be 'don't worry about me, I'm alright' and he has been so good today but I don't know if I will be able to carry on looking after him. He is in good spirits but I felt absolutely awful leaving him there. Will this affect his dementia, at the moment he is not too bad, will it get worse.

I feel that dad may be better off in a care home although I know that he would disagree with that. I also had to agree with a DNR for dad which is absolutely right as far as I am concerned but I know that dad would not agree with that at all as he thinks that he is going to live forever.

I will see what tomorrow brings.

 

[Amy in the US]

Oh, @Duggies-girl, I am so sorry to hear your dad is in hospital with pneumonia. Hospital stays are always such a worry.

I wonder if you would consider talking to the doctors or social workers or even a kind nurse about some extra care for your dad. Whether that's carers at home or a care home or a respite stay to recover from the pneumonia or something else, I don't know, but I think both your dad and you need some extra help. There is no shame or blame in having a team of carers.

I won't say what I think about your brother objecting to proper care for your father on the grounds of cost. I will just ask, who has PoA?

I hope you can get some sleep tonight and am sending ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))).

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Duggies-girl. I`m so sorry to hear about your dad and also sorry the hospital won`t let you stay with him.

I know how upsetting the first hospital stay is for the primary carers. Our people with dementia are so vulnerable at this time and we feel the need to be with them at all times.

I hope your dad`s hospital stay is a short one and I know you will think very carefully about his future care. It`s all about whether or not you will be able to meet your dad`s needs while at the same time be mindful of your own health and well being.

The last thing in the world you need is to experience a crisis situation without care of your choice in place.

 

[AliceA]

I hope all goes well, it is different cult but he is in the best place. It may give time to sort out appropriate care. X

 

[canary]

Im so sorry to hear about your dad, but he is in the right place and FWIW I think you made the right decision about the DNR.
When you are making these sorts of decisions, dont think about what he would want now, think about what he would have wanted before he was ill. My mum, at the end, thought there was nothing wrong with her too, but I know that before she developed Alzheimers she would have wanted to go quickly and not be brought back.

I too am pretty disgusted about your brothers response - its not about the money its about getting your dad the care he needs and making sure that you can cope.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Thank you @canary I shall visit him very soon with some clean clothes (socks and pants included) I realise that dad is unlikely to come home as one fall is one fall too many and I don't think of dad as safe anymore.

One step at a time, I will see how he is today and go from there. I was quite shocked at how emotional I felt at leaving him there last night. I felt like I was abandoning a child. I did get to sleep but I had some wine to help.

Yes @Amy in the US I have both POA's for dad and I will ultimately do whatever is his best interests with no arguments about it.

I shall see what the afternoon brings. The doctors seemed concerned that he does not have carers at home so we are going to be having some kind of meeting about it.

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry your dad is so unwell and in hospital, Duggies girl. C started having carers in to help with personal care after long stay in hospital, so despite a few reservations over the years I would say it's well worth your while talking to the doctors and social services about getting whatever they think is necessary.
Good luck, and hope your dad is better soon.

 

[Bunpoots]

I'm sorry to hear about your dad @Duggies-girl. I really don't think it's your brother's place to say what kind of care is appropriate and I suspect if the hospital social workers think your dad needs extra care at home or in a care home then that will be what has to happen to get him out of hospital.

Hope your dad gets better soon.

 

[Sarasa]

@Duggies-girl , sorry to hear about your dad, but it sounds he's in the best place for him at present,. I hope he is feeling a bit better when you visit today and that you get to talk to someone about what would be best for your dad next. In the meantime don't forget to look after yourself too, and try to ignore any of your brother's suggestions.
.

 

[KathrynAnne]

Really sorry to hear your Dad is in hospital. They seem so vulnerable there. I remember I felt guilty about leaving my Mum when she was in hospital. It is like leaving a child who doesn’t understand what is going on. Unfortunately my Mum became bed bound after her stay in hospital. I hope your Dad has a better outcome xxx

 

[jugglingmum]

So sorry to read this.

When my mum had pneumonia, it was considered a fall but in reality it was a collapse due to being so unwell.

My daughter had pneumonia and when I took her from the car to A & E I used a wheelchair as she couldn't walk the very short distance, when 3 weeks before she had been winter hillwalking in thigh deep snow on the pennines (beast from the east).

So don't panic just yet about the loss of mobility.

With my mum they kept insisting on treating it as a falls issue when it was no such thing, and sent her to rehab, this was detrimental to her as she lost skills to remember how to live in her flat the longer she was away from it. After initial illness with IV antibiotics and oxygen, mum recovered in leaps and bounds, and was discharged to rehab after 6 days. If they had kept her in hospital for 48 hours longer she would have gone straight home.

Having said all that, if he is already having mobility problems, then maybe this is the time to reassess as if he is bedbound for a few days he might not get everything back.

Based on your other posts you carried on at the point of getting in help when he was diagnosed with cancer, not knowing how long he had left and you sound like you really need some help at this stage to help you carry on looking after him, whether it is arrange for several care visits a day or a care home.

I hope you find him ok when you visit, my mum actually deteriorated from admittance for the first 24 hours but then picked up really rapidly. She didn't end up 3 months later having lost any abilities.

 

[Melles Belles]

@Duggies-girl sorry to hear your Dad is in hospital. It’s always such a worry when they are in there. My Dad always gets delirium in hospital which makes it all worse. He went to a CH on respite after being hospitalised 4 times in 3 months because he suddenly lost mobility due to spinal stenosis. We organised the respite ourselves because we were so concerned at his decline in hospital. He got out of bed during the night and fell but luckily wasn’t hurt.
He did regain his mobility in the CH but now that’s gone because he’s not eating and has a chest infection. He has Non Hodgkin Lymphoma which isn’t being treated which has affected his appetite but he thinks he’s fat about 7st 6lb.
I hope you can get him home or to a CH on respite soon. Just out of hospital would be an improvement in environment. Sending you virtual hugs as we have been in a similar situation

 

[MaNaAk]

Thank you @canary I shall visit him very soon with some clean clothes (socks and pants included) I realise that dad is unlikely to come home as one fall is one fall too many and I don't think of dad as safe anymore.

One step at a time, I will see how he is today and go from there. I was quite shocked at how emotional I felt at leaving him there last night. I felt like I was abandoning a child. I did get to sleep but I had some wine to help.

Yes @Amy in the US I have both POA's for dad and I will ultimately do whatever is his best interests with no arguments about it.

I shall see what the afternoon brings. The doctors seemed concerned that he does not have carers at home so we are going to be having some kind of meeting about it.

Dear Duggies-girl,

I'm sorry to hear about your dad and I know what you're going through. In November 2017 dad had a few falls and he had to spend a night in hospital. When I tried to leave he tried to follow so I had to wait until he was fast a sleep. It was the next day that everything started to set in and I extended the carers hours. However I also realised that that Xmas would probably be the last one where dad would still be living at home. I think that this night with dad being in hospital was a preview to him being in a care home and I was told he had a heart murmur.

Your dad is being well looked after and he is lucky to have such a caring daughter. You need more help now and I suggest carers and at least respite in a care home. I hope your dad feels better soon and I do understand about your brother. One of my brothers is trying to encourage me to move out because he says we may have to sell dad's house and the other says I put dad in a home without his permission but at least he is working alongside me regarding the fees and the house.

MaNaAk

 

[Duggies-girl]

So sorry to read this.

When my mum had pneumonia, it was considered a fall but in reality it was a collapse due to being so unwell.

My daughter had pneumonia and when I took her from the car to A & E I used a wheelchair as she couldn't walk the very short distance, when 3 weeks before she had been winter hillwalking in thigh deep snow on the pennines (beast from the east).

So don't panic just yet about the loss of mobility.

With my mum they kept insisting on treating it as a falls issue when it was no such thing, and sent her to rehab, this was detrimental to her as she lost skills to remember how to live in her flat the longer she was away from it. After initial illness with IV antibiotics and oxygen, mum recovered in leaps and bounds, and was discharged to rehab after 6 days. If they had kept her in hospital for 48 hours longer she would have gone straight home.

Having said all that, if he is already having mobility problems, then maybe this is the time to reassess as if he is bedbound for a few days he might not get everything back.

Based on your other posts you carried on at the point of getting in help when he was diagnosed with cancer, not knowing how long he had left and you sound like you really need some help at this stage to help you carry on looking after him, whether it is arrange for several care visits a day or a care home.

I hope you find him ok when you visit, my mum actually deteriorated from admittance for the first 24 hours but then picked up really rapidly. She didn't end up 3 months later having lost any abilities.

So sorry to read this.

When my mum had pneumonia, it was considered a fall but in reality it was a collapse due to being so unwell.

My daughter had pneumonia and when I took her from the car to A & E I used a wheelchair as she couldn't walk the very short distance, when 3 weeks before she had been winter hillwalking in thigh deep snow on the pennines (beast from the east).

So don't panic just yet about the loss of mobility.

With my mum they kept insisting on treating it as a falls issue when it was no such thing, and sent her to rehab, this was detrimental to her as she lost skills to remember how to live in her flat the longer she was away from it. After initial illness with IV antibiotics and oxygen, mum recovered in leaps and bounds, and was discharged to rehab after 6 days. If they had kept her in hospital for 48 hours longer she would have gone straight home.

Having said all that, if he is already having mobility problems, then maybe this is the time to reassess as if he is bedbound for a few days he might not get everything back.

Based on your other posts you carried on at the point of getting in help when he was diagnosed with cancer, not knowing how long he had left and you sound like you really need some help at this stage to help you carry on looking after him, whether it is arrange for several care visits a day or a care home.

I hope you find him ok when you visit, my mum actually deteriorated from admittance for the first 24 hours but then picked up really rapidly. She didn't end up 3 months later having lost any abilities.

Thank you @jugglingmum your post is very interesting although with dad's age and the cancer to consider I am not too hopeful. He looked a good bit better this morning and was quite cheerful having had had a bit of a laugh with the ward staff but when I went back this evening he hadn't eaten and was obviously very tired so he did not look so well. His mobility before was not bad although he shuffled a lot but he seemed stable. He has been on his feet today but with help. I can't see him getting home without a good deal more help than I have been giving him. He will have to be assessed fully and most likely a convalescent stay before even thinking about allowing him home but your post made me feel a bit more positive.

One good thing is that they have got dad in a pair of pyjamas and I have taken his dirty clothes and washed them along with his bed sheets.

I am going to look at care homes anyway as we need to cover all options and although I feel like I have made a good job of looking after him up to now I don't feel fully equipped to carry on unless he makes an amazing recovery.

@MaNaAk I didn't think dad would make Christmas but he did and so I tried to make it as nice as possible for him. I'll be honest, he didn't know it was Christmas and kept asking if it would be Christmas tomorrow.

 

[Amy in the US]

@Duggies-girl, I hope you are able to get some sleep.

It can't do any harm to look at care homes. Better to know what the options are.

Sending loads of (((((((hugs))))))).

 

[Duggies-girl]

@Duggies-girl, I hope you are able to get some sleep.

It can't do any harm to look at care homes. Better to know what the options are.

Sending loads of (((((((hugs))))))).

Thank you @Amy in the US yes I will look as I need to keep all options open. Off to bed now and I don't have to worry about breakfast for dad.

 

[Bunpoots]

@Duggies-girl

I realised, after my dad was taken into hospital last summer, that he wouldn’t be able to carry on at home unless he made a miraculous recovery. As he was borderline for self funding and his money wouldn’t have lasted long I felt I had no choice but to go through the system. I had to fight all the way to get him the care he needed.

For a while I hoped he might go back home from the assessment bed but it soon became clear that he couldn’t cope. However, he was content in his carehome once he settled and although I had dreaded him having to go into one I felt much happier and less worried while he was there than when he was home alone.

I hope that whatever happens next you can accept that you have done, and continue to do, the very best for your dad.

 

[Duggies-girl]

@Duggies-girl

I realised, after my dad was taken into hospital last summer, that he wouldn’t be able to carry on at home unless he made a miraculous recovery. As he was borderline for self funding and his money wouldn’t have lasted long I felt I had no choice but to go through the system. I had to fight all the way to get him the care he needed.

For a while I hoped he might go back home from the assessment bed but it soon became clear that he couldn’t cope. However, he was content in his carehome once he settled and although I had dreaded him having to go into one I felt much happier and less worried while he was there than when he was home alone.

I hope that whatever happens next you can accept that you have done, and continue to do, the very best for your dad.

Thank you @Bunpoots I followed a lot of your posts and your struggle to get your dad the best care. You did well by him, it's such a shame that they don't realise what we do for them.

I know in my heart of hearts that my dad will need some kind of miracle to go back home. He is not eating properly in hospital and I worked so very hard to get his weight back on. He had gained almost three stone since April and was looking relatively healthy until this. If he is not eating properly he will decline quickly. I am visiting him twice a day and will go soon. I just hope that he had a good night.

Dad is so easy going and compliant that it is like looking after a happy little boy sometimes and I just worry about him all of the time.

 

[KathrynAnne]

I hope you found your Dad is improving today @Duggies-girl. You have done a brilliant job with him and couldn’t have done any more. Sending my best wishes to you both xx

 

[MaNaAk]

Thank you @jugglingmum your post is very interesting although with dad's age and the cancer to consider I am not too hopeful. He looked a good bit better this morning and was quite cheerful having had had a bit of a laugh with the ward staff but when I went back this evening he hadn't eaten and was obviously very tired so he did not look so well. His mobility before was not bad although he shuffled a lot but he seemed stable. He has been on his feet today but with help. I can't see him getting home without a good deal more help than I have been giving him. He will have to be assessed fully and most likely a convalescent stay before even thinking about allowing him home but your post made me feel a bit more positive.

One good thing is that they have got dad in a pair of pyjamas and I have taken his dirty clothes and washed them along with his bed sheets.

I am going to look at care homes anyway as we need to cover all options and although I feel like I have made a good job of looking after him up to now I don't feel fully equipped to carry on unless he makes an amazing recovery.

@MaNaAk I didn't think dad would make Christmas but he did and so I tried to make it as nice as possible for him. I'll be honest, he didn't know it was Christmas and kept asking if it would be Christmas tomorrow.

Dear Duggies-girl,

I hope your dad keeps feeling a little better but with regards to looking at care homes can I suggest that you take note of how the staff interact with the residents and also make sure that you look up other people's experiences of the homes as well. Finally if you decide to put your dad in a home it will make you sad at first but you must tell yourself that you've done your best.

When I saw dad yesterday he was coming out of the toilet and he could was his latest flame (resident G) and I might as well have been invisible. You are a wonderful daughter and whether or not your dad is in a home you will continue to do your best for him. You have done your dad proud!

Hugs from

MaNaAk