Using the Holyhead Dublin ferry crossing with mid stage Dementia

[Wendywood]

My mother in law is suffering from mid stage Alzheimer’s. My brother in law is planning on having her to stay with his family over Christmas in Ireland to give us a bit of a break. He has offered to drive over on the Dublin
Holyhead ferry to collect her from our house & escort her to Ireland & vice versa. We live in Chester about 2 hours drive from Holyhead. My question is whether it would be an option for my husband to drive her to Holyhead and physically put her on the boat as a foot passenger & for my brother in law to collect her at the other end in Dublin. (& vice versa on the way back). This would save my brother in law 2 long days of travel and would help with future care-sharing arrangements. Would the ferry company be able to provide an escort. In many ways my mother in law functions very well. No problems with personal care but she suffers terribly with delusions and her short term memory has more or less gone. She paces about all of the time and can get agitated. She has lived overseas though most of her life - in France and Holland and has always been a very confident traveller. Up to 2 years ago she would drive to us from the south of France on her own & dog. Has anybody any experience of ferry travel and dementia? Any advice appreciated.

 

[Katrine]

Hi Wendywood. A minor adjustment to your plan might work - if BIL parks at the Irish ferry terminal he could come across as a foot passenger himself, with a return ticket. Then your husband could deliver MIL to his care at Holyhead. She would also be travelling as a foot passenger. Then when the boat docks in Ireland they would leave together and get in BIL's car. Then after Christmas he would reverse the process, and deliver MIL back to you at Holyhead.

I don't think you MIL would cope very well if she travels unescorted. You've written: "she suffers terribly with delusions and her short term memory has more or less gone. She paces about all of the time and can get agitated."

You're proposing to put her in a strange and noisy environment without support? She will get very frightened because she won't remember why she's there. She might depend on other passengers to look after her, which is hardly fair. She could even get injured if she gets agitated as she might try to find a way to get off the boat.

I can't imagine that the ferry company would provide an escort. I may be wrong. You could employ a carer to escort her, but wouldn't she be better off with a family member as your BIL has planned? I also don't understand why sending her on her own "would help with future care-sharing arrangements." Do you mean you'd like to get MIL used to travelling alone on the ferry, or just that if you save BIL some effort then you can send her to Ireland more frequently?

Frankly, I would think that even travelling with her son your MIL might find the disruption to her routine is more than she can cope with. She'll then be in a different house coping with all the Christmas hoopla and noise. It might work out fine but the chances are that there will be problems. I think you've all got to take a really hard look at what is in MIL's best interests at the stage she's at now. Why are you planning this big upheaval? Never mind what she used to do. What can she cope with now, and what will she really enjoy? The less oriented a person is to place, time and people the more important it is not to destabilise them. That's been my personal experience.

I know you want everyone to enjoy Christmas. Shuttling MIL around doesn't sound the best recipe for that, I'm sorry to say. I hope you get better practical advice from other people who may have tried an arrangement such as the one you are proposing.

 

[Katrine]

Duplication

 

[Alex54]

he could come across as a foot passenger himself

Sounds a lot easier, I would also suggest booking a cabin for extra privacy.
Why not ring the ferry company and ask them what support they can offer?

 

[Wendywood]

Hi Wendywood. A minor adjustment to your plan might work - if BIL parks at the Irish ferry terminal he could come across as a foot passenger himself, with you a return ticket. Then your husband could deliver MIL to his care at Holyhead. She would also be travelling as a foot passenger. Then when the boat docks in Ireland they would leave together and get in BIL's car. Then after Christmas he would reverse the process, and deliver MIL back to you at Holyhead.

I don't think you MIL would cope very well if she travels unescorted. You've written: "she suffers terribly with delusions and her short term memory has more or less gone. She paces about all of the time and can get agitated."

You're proposing to put her in a strange and noisy environment without support? She will get very frightened because she won't remember why she's there. She might depend on other passengers to look after her, which is hardly fair. She could even get injured if she gets agitated as she might try to find a way to get off the boat.

I can't imagine that the ferry company would provide an escort. I may be wrong. You could employ a carer to escort her, but wouldn't she be better off with a family member as your BIL has planned? I also don't understand why sending her on her own "would help with future care-sharing arrangements." Do you mean you'd like to get MIL used to travelling alone on the ferry, or just that if you save BIL some effort then you can send her to Ireland more frequently?

Frankly, I would think that even travelling with her son your MIL might find the disruption to her routine is more than she can cope with. She'll then be in a different house coping with all the Christmas hoopla and noise. It might work out fine but the chances are that there will be problems. I think you've all got to take a really hard look at what is in MIL's best interests at the stage she's at now. Why are you planning this big upheaval? Never mind what she used to do. What can she cope with now, and what will she really enjoy? The less oriented a person is to place, time and people the more important it is not to destabilise them. That's been my personal experience.

I know you want everyone to enjoy Christmas. Shuttling MIL around doesn't sound the best recipe for that, I'm sorry to say. I hope you get better practical advice from other people who may have tried an arrangement such as the one you are proposing.

Thank you so much for your reply. It was really helpful - tweaking the plan to be foot passengers could work really well. It’s very hard to know what’s best to do for her at the moment. My MIL has good days when she copes really well with most situations and others when she struggles. She keeps talking about wanting a holiday. The family house in Ireland is very quiet in Ireland compared to our house - we have 3 young children and it’s hectic. My MIL has no partner and my husband does most of the caring at the moment as well as running a business and bring a father of 3. By Christmas he will need a bit of a break!!! My BIL is happy to help with caring for my MIL as far as practically possible - this may be the last time she can think about going to Ireland I’d she continues to deteriorate. Hard to know what to do.

 

[Wendywood]

Sounds a lot easier, I would also suggest booking a cabin for extra privacy.
Why not ring the ferry company and ask them what support they can offer?

Good idea re cabin and calling them

 

[sparklehorse]

Good idea re cabin and calling them

I have family in Ireland, and we travel on that ferry a lot - in my opinion it would be far to busy and disorientating for your mum to travel on her own. The ferry is huge, and can be very busy - (esp around Christmas) it can be fairly daunting even if you don't have dementia! Good luck with your plans. ps: What a lovely brother in law!

 

[Katrine]

Yes, I'm rooting for you to make it work! It sounds like you need a break and MIL probably needs a quieter environment, especially at Christmas. Your MIL is fortunate to have 2 such caring sons, as well as a lovely DIL.

 

[Bod]

Will MiL recognise BiL?
Is BiL happy with the amout of care she now needs?
A swop on the Dublin dock may make the ferry crossing easier with someone she knows well.

Bod

 

[LadyA]

Oh, definitely someone needs to be with her on the ferry! And a cabin is an excellent idea. With any luck, your mil can have a nap. At the very least, she would be out of the crowds, movement and noise.