After a particularly horrific week that I can't go into at the moment, I've never seen a post more appropriate to how I'm feeling.
I'm so sorry to hear this, sending you a hug and hope things can be sorted out quickly if need be
Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
I'm so sorry to hear this, sending you a hug and hope things can be sorted out quickly if need be
Oh, Margi, I'm so sorry. Please have some very gentle ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) from me also.
Hi, sorry, I’m just so blooming tired. Stool results tomorrow, bloods on Friday. Isn’t it always the way ... eventually get the appointment & things start to get better. I’m not so bad today. I’ve managed to eat a decent dinner & so far .... it’s ok
On to other things .... life ... the universe ... what happens now ....
I’ve been to look at a static caravan ... alternative to the streets lol. The van is lovely. The site is not for me. Too commercial. Too much going on.
So. I’ve spoken to a few friends. All have just agreed with me. Or, that’s how it feels. One friend told me I was nuts. But that’s who she is.
I’m curious as to what you think. I don’t want sympathetic, well meaning agreement. I want the truth. How crazy is this ....
Original plan
Sell the house. Buy a second hand static caravan on a site near to where I am now. This would mean I could come here, visit brother & eldest. Store (hopefully safe) some “stuff”. It can also be a holiday home for the family to use. Also means my stuff is around for anyone to rummage through ... if they felt the urge
Upgrade Poppet & travel about seeing friends for a night or longer. Park up solo when I feel the need, or on a site if I wanted a few days people watching
Help towards the deposit for youngest & have a room in bricks n mortar. I can spend real time with him & fiancé & help out with the new baby.
Everyone I’ve said this to said “yes”
Revised plan
Static caravan site is not for me.
Upgrade Poppet, but a bit more. Travel about, but spend site fees of static van all over seems more sensible. I can move on if the neighbours are too noisy
Help youngest a bit more, sort of shared home for 10??? Years till they are more sorted (much discussion needed).
I get a room that’s mine. A garden I can mess with. One day they buy me out & I move on.
Advantages ... I have somewhere I can leave my stuff, know it’s safe. I get to see lots of them, but I can go see friends when I need the space (or they do). I don’t have massive bills, I can just work 2 or 3 days to pay for holidays etc
Disadvantages ... living with the children. Tbh. Youngest is easy to get along with. He’s no push over, but we are both very honest. Ive said I’m not doing this to be a permanent baby sitter. I will not be there 24/7, or 52/weeks a year. I will be going off regular.
My ideal wouId be to spend a week or 3 with them, then go away for a weekend or week (or longer). We all get space
I’m not going to promise to go along with what you say.... I’m just looking for the things I might not have thought of
Please bear in mind. I don’t care much for “things”. I didn’t have this money yesterday, so I won’t miss it tomorrow. I know it’s a risk & accept that. His fiancé is making him happy. That’s a first. The rest of the family (brother excluded) are only interested in how much they can get & have no interest in me & had even less interest in my Mum ... so they can go take a long walk off a short pier
All I want now is the time to go see friends, the people I’d like to have been able to spend time with, but couldn’t. I want to sit & read. Watch the sun rise or set. Walk Pooch & watch the waves break on the shore. A holiday or 3 somewhere hot, with a pool & sandy beaches
Wherever I end up, I’m fairly confident I can find a way of earning enough to exist, if not thrive. Money never was my god, I’ve only ever wanted enough to pay the bills
So .... please tell me how crazy I am .., be honest, but not too brutal.
I’m not so bad today. I’ve managed to eat a decent dinner & so far .... it’s ok On to other things .... life ... the universe ... what happens now ....
I’ve been to look at a static caravan ... alternative to the streets lol. The van is lovely. The site is not for me. Too commercial. Too much going on.
So. I’ve spoken to a few friends. All have just agreed with me. Or, that’s how it feels. One friend told me I was nuts. But that’s who she is.
I’m curious as to what you think. I don’t want sympathetic, well meaning agreement. I want the truth. How crazy is this ....
Original plan
Sell the house. Buy a second hand static caravan on a site near to where I am now. This would mean I could come here, visit brother & eldest. Store (hopefully safe) some “stuff”. It can also be a holiday home for the family to use. Also means my stuff is around for anyone to rummage through ... if they felt the urge
Upgrade Poppet & travel about seeing friends for a night or longer. Park up solo when I feel the need, or on a site if I wanted a few days people watching
Help towards the deposit for youngest & have a room in bricks n mortar. I can spend real time with him & fiancé & help out with the new baby.
Everyone I’ve said this to said “yes”
Revised plan
Static caravan site is not for me.
Upgrade Poppet, but a bit more. Travel about, but spend site fees of static van all over seems more sensible. I can move on if the neighbours are too noisy
Help youngest a bit more, sort of shared home for 10??? Years till they are more sorted (much discussion needed).
I get a room that’s mine. A garden I can mess with. One day they buy me out & I move on.
Advantages ... I have somewhere I can leave my stuff, know it’s safe. I get to see lots of them, but I can go see friends when I need the space (or they do). I don’t have massive bills, I can just work 2 or 3 days to pay for holidays etc
Disadvantages ... living with the children. Tbh. Youngest is easy to get along with. He’s no push over, but we are both very honest. Ive said I’m not doing this to be a permanent baby sitter. I will not be there 24/7, or 52/weeks a year. I will be going off regular.
My ideal wouId be to spend a week or 3 with them, then go away for a weekend or week (or longer). We all get space
I’m not going to promise to go along with what you say.... I’m just looking for the things I might not have thought of
Please bear in mind. I don’t care much for “things”. I didn’t have this money yesterday, so I won’t miss it tomorrow. I know it’s a risk & accept that. His fiancé is making him happy. That’s a first. The rest of the family (brother excluded) are only interested in how much they can get & have no interest in me & had even less interest in my Mum ... so they can go take a long walk off a short pier
All I want now is the time to go see friends, the people I’d like to have been able to spend time with, but couldn’t. I want to sit & read. Watch the sun rise or set. Walk Pooch & watch the waves break on the shore. A holiday or 3 somewhere hot, with a pool & sandy beaches
Wherever I end up, I’m fairly confident I can find a way of earning enough to exist, if not thrive. Money never was my god, I’ve only ever wanted enough to pay the bills
So .... please tell me how crazy I am .., be honest, but not too brutal.
After a particularly horrific week that I can't go into at the moment, I've never seen a post more appropriate to how I'm feeling.
You hang in there girl ... I’m rooting for you
Oh Sam....such big decisions????
It’s very hard to advise without walking in your shoes, but here goes.
Could you not find an apartment to buy in your price range? That way you have more security.
I have lived in a mobile home on a lovely site, and it is lovely in summer, was an 11 month site, site fees cheap, all in all an inexpensive way to live - BUT BUT BUT very cold a lot of the time even with central heating, which does cost a lot to run.
As for living with your Son and his family, sorry but for me this would be a definite no no, as much as you love him and get on well, living together is a very different matter.
Can you not stay in the house and just take some time, sell Poppet and buy something more for you yo use, chill out, visit friends etc, but hold off making big decisions for a while?
It’s very hard to advise without walking in your shoes, but here goes.
Could you not find an apartment to buy in your price range? That way you have more security.
I have lived in a mobile home on a lovely site, and it is lovely in summer, was an 11 month site, site fees cheap, all in all an inexpensive way to live - BUT BUT BUT very cold a lot of the time even with central heating, which does cost a lot to run.
As for living with your Son and his family, sorry but for me this would be a definite no no, as much as you love him and get on well, living together is a very different matter.
Can you not stay in the house and just take some time, sell Poppet and buy something more for you yo use, chill out, visit friends etc, but hold off making big decisions for a while?
You need a base of your own
A static caravan is an idea, but I don’t have experience of one, so no comment
Agree that you shouldn’t rush into a decision. Maybe give it 3-6 months before any major decision is made. The house may be expensive to run, not be your cup of tea, any other reason, but it’s a secure base for you to gather your thoughts and trim down excess “stuff”. It’s time for you to clarify your thoughts in a considered way forward, not an instant decision “must get away” decision
In these 3-6 months take some time to travel the country, visit friends, decide an area where you may possibly be able to buy that works for you.
I totally understand the wanting to support youngest and help towards their foot on the ladder.
In different circumstances I would agree with your idea of buying a brick for them, but you need that brick too
Hate to mention this... they are younger than you, and you are not getting any younger, though, obviously, you are still a spring lamb. You have health issues, may only be temporary, but may change.
With the opportunity of being able to buy your own bricks, in my opinion, that is more important than helping others to buy theirs
Pro buy something for the 3 generations to live together
Con The 3 generation living may work for a short while, but sooner or later, there is a possibility each will need their own space.
Living with mother in law may be the best thing since sliced bread, or could be the worst....
Buy for yourself. not too close, but in reasonable travelling distance to youngest and brother
A static caravan is an idea, but I don’t have experience of one, so no comment
Agree that you shouldn’t rush into a decision. Maybe give it 3-6 months before any major decision is made. The house may be expensive to run, not be your cup of tea, any other reason, but it’s a secure base for you to gather your thoughts and trim down excess “stuff”. It’s time for you to clarify your thoughts in a considered way forward, not an instant decision “must get away” decision
In these 3-6 months take some time to travel the country, visit friends, decide an area where you may possibly be able to buy that works for you.
I totally understand the wanting to support youngest and help towards their foot on the ladder.
In different circumstances I would agree with your idea of buying a brick for them, but you need that brick too
Hate to mention this... they are younger than you, and you are not getting any younger, though, obviously, you are still a spring lamb. You have health issues, may only be temporary, but may change.
With the opportunity of being able to buy your own bricks, in my opinion, that is more important than helping others to buy theirs
Pro buy something for the 3 generations to live together
Con The 3 generation living may work for a short while, but sooner or later, there is a possibility each will need their own space.
Living with mother in law may be the best thing since sliced bread, or could be the worst....
Buy for yourself. not too close, but in reasonable travelling distance to youngest and brother
Sam, I am glad you are feeling better.
I would think very carefully before you do anything but you need to secure your future and that to me means a base, bricks and mortar I consider to be important. My Mil had her youngest and his family living with her they always got on well before this, once they were all together it went drastically wrong. Could you buy a property in a cheaper area and use that as a base to travel in your campervan.
I would think very carefully before you do anything but you need to secure your future and that to me means a base, bricks and mortar I consider to be important. My Mil had her youngest and his family living with her they always got on well before this, once they were all together it went drastically wrong. Could you buy a property in a cheaper area and use that as a base to travel in your campervan.
I really dont think that now is the time to make huge decisions about your future. far better to consolidate your thoughts and make plans. Why not use this time to go traveling in Poppet? You may come across an area that you would like to live in.
I cant really see the idea of living with your son and his fiance working. Personally I would have hated living with my mother in law and she was the loveliest lady imaginable.
If you cant afford to run a house, would a flat not be better than a static caravan? Caravans depreciate (a bit like cars) and have to have big repairs and eventually need replacing, but a flat will be more stable and give better security.
Please dont rush into things.
I cant really see the idea of living with your son and his fiance working. Personally I would have hated living with my mother in law and she was the loveliest lady imaginable.
If you cant afford to run a house, would a flat not be better than a static caravan? Caravans depreciate (a bit like cars) and have to have big repairs and eventually need replacing, but a flat will be more stable and give better security.
Please dont rush into things.
Morning all,
Sam, I second the 'suggestion' (won't call it advice) to take some time to rest a little and think about what you want and what is in your best interests.
We have a few static caravan sites in this area, some better than others. Some of them are well insulated and like little bungalows. Some are not. The feel of the sites differs considerably too - some are like retirement villages, some are much more lively (and noisy). I know that some sites insist the units are replaced every 10 years, so that is an added expense to factor into the equation.
Living with family works well for some people - but is hell on earth for others. What happens if other children come along and 'your' room is needed? What happens if your son and his family want to move on, to somewhere you don't want to live? What happens if son and partner split up and their home has to be sold? What happens if it simply doesn't work and you need your money to get yourself somewhere suitable? These things would all need to be discussed and included in some sort of contract if you went ahead with that plan.
I'm sorry that you have such big decisions to make at a time when you are still, physically and mentally, running on empty (((hugs)))
Today I am going to spend some time with my 'half-aunt' - my father's half sister who knew nothing of our existence until 7 or 8 years ago. Fortunately, she took the news that her mother had a child, who also had a child, long before she met and married aunt's father much better than she might have and has been very welcoming to me. I guess it helps that she had been brought up as an only, as had her hubby, and had always envied people with nephews and nieces.
I am leaving a supply of ((((((hugs)))))) for everyone who needs or wants them
Sam, I second the 'suggestion' (won't call it advice) to take some time to rest a little and think about what you want and what is in your best interests.
We have a few static caravan sites in this area, some better than others. Some of them are well insulated and like little bungalows. Some are not. The feel of the sites differs considerably too - some are like retirement villages, some are much more lively (and noisy). I know that some sites insist the units are replaced every 10 years, so that is an added expense to factor into the equation.
Living with family works well for some people - but is hell on earth for others. What happens if other children come along and 'your' room is needed? What happens if your son and his family want to move on, to somewhere you don't want to live? What happens if son and partner split up and their home has to be sold? What happens if it simply doesn't work and you need your money to get yourself somewhere suitable? These things would all need to be discussed and included in some sort of contract if you went ahead with that plan.
I'm sorry that you have such big decisions to make at a time when you are still, physically and mentally, running on empty (((hugs)))
Today I am going to spend some time with my 'half-aunt' - my father's half sister who knew nothing of our existence until 7 or 8 years ago. Fortunately, she took the news that her mother had a child, who also had a child, long before she met and married aunt's father much better than she might have
and has been very welcoming to me. I guess it helps that she had been brought up as an only, as had her hubby, and had always envied people with nephews and nieces. I am leaving a supply of ((((((hugs)))))) for everyone who needs or wants them
Sam my thoughts are along the same lines as canary 2jays and slugsta. You need a base you can call your own and without making assumptions... but unless you will have mega funds to help your son also ...you should make sure you are your priority first and foremost to give yourself security in a home of your own. Much as you get on well with youngest and presumably his partner hopefully not but their situation could change and you would find yourself caught in the middle property wise, financially and emotionally. The property would need to provide for you not just a bedroom but enough communal space for you all not to be living on top of each other when you all need your space so you ate not just confined to having that in your bedroom and contract drawn up to define obviously not only each parties interest but share of bills, maintenance etc..My brother lived very comfortably in a small warm static caravan on a small lovely site 20 or so trailers..the site had no facilities which suited him fine and was on the edge of a village outside of Norwich. It was a permanent housing site so no need to have to move out for a few weeks as many demand. Take plenty of time to decide what YOU want and need now and in the future...helping youngest is a wonderful motherly thing to do but you may have need of all your funds in the future as we all know on TP events can suddenly intervene which we could not have anticipated and you will perhaps never be in a better financial position than after the sale of the house if indeed that is what you decide. Maybe a one bedroom flat in a cheaper area could be possible?
I only have a minute, but my quick thoughts are...do not rush. Now is not the time to make a decision. You have broad shoulders, so ignore any pressure from siblings to sell immediately, and rest. Travel in Poppet and don’t be hurried into making a decision. Your head (one’s Head!) is all over the place after a bereavement and you’ve been ill too.
I'm another hoping you'll take your time Sam - let it all sink in if you can, this caring and the after-effects can take a while to digest and good-day/bad-day swings can leave you in such turmoil.
Happy no more suffering for our PwDs, grief for our loss.
I would think you'll need a secure base too for you and Pooch, somewhere to go home to, close the door, dance like a nutter to your own music, sing and cry your heart out when you want to, tidy up - or not, lie-in and eat cake/chocs, enjoy CM, do what you want to
Then you can suit yourself if and when you want to babysit and help out.
I just hope you don't jump too fast.
So glad you're feeling better, hope you go from strength to strength now, please have some more ((((hugs))))
And more (((((hugs)))) to Margi and DollyBird and all of you who could do with a good (((((squidge))))) xxxx
Happy no more suffering for our PwDs, grief for our loss.
I would think you'll need a secure base too for you and Pooch, somewhere to go home to, close the door, dance like a nutter to your own music, sing and cry your heart out when you want to, tidy up - or not, lie-in and eat cake/chocs, enjoy CM, do what you want to
Then you can suit yourself if and when you want to babysit and help out.
I just hope you don't jump too fast.
So glad you're feeling better, hope you go from strength to strength now, please have some more ((((hugs))))
And more (((((hugs)))) to Margi and DollyBird and all of you who could do with a good (((((squidge))))) xxxx
Also is there a danger your eldest might feel a bit peeved?No idea about his circumstances but I think it's very importnat to be seen to be fair.Did your Mum leave a will?
@Sam Luvit
I agree with what others have said - even though I, like you, would move in with my youngest at the drop of a hat. She’s a single parent so needs both the money and the childcare - but more than that, she needs to forge an independent life- so I haven’t done it - bit sad for me, but better for her, I think.... Anyway this may or may not help you...but I wanted to highlight part of your post :
“Help youngest a bit more, sort of shared home for 10??? Years till they are more sorted (much discussion needed).”
You’d have major decisions to make in future, even if the ‘3 generations together’ idea worked well x
I’m a Walton family person myself so do get your dilemma.. take your time before making any decisions xxx
Lindy xxx
I agree with what others have said - even though I, like you, would move in with my youngest at the drop of a hat. She’s a single parent so needs both the money and the childcare - but more than that, she needs to forge an independent life- so I haven’t done it - bit sad for me, but better for her, I think.... Anyway this may or may not help you...but I wanted to highlight part of your post :
“Help youngest a bit more, sort of shared home for 10??? Years till they are more sorted (much discussion needed).”
You’d have major decisions to make in future, even if the ‘3 generations together’ idea worked well x
I’m a Walton family person myself so do get your dilemma.. take your time before making any decisions xxx
Lindy xxx
Another idea...
Put 90% in a bank/savings/wherever
take the 10% and force yourself off to foreign lands - before doing that make sure Pooch has his passport too if you want him to join you
When you have Had your fill of foreign lands, come back and get yourself somewhere -
of get yourself somewhere to store stuff you want to keep and then go off to foreign
Put 90% in a bank/savings/wherever
take the 10% and force yourself off to foreign lands - before doing that make sure Pooch has his passport too if you want him to join you
When you have Had your fill of foreign lands, come back and get yourself somewhere -
of get yourself somewhere to store stuff you want to keep and then go off to foreign
In our case we just front up to a hospital at such times - can you do that ? They can't turn you away and will check you out at least !, let us know soon how you are doing !
