How can you say you can no longer use your iron

[DebraT]

My mother suffers with Parkinson's dementia.
My most recent challenge is that she wants to use the iron. I removed the fuse about 6 months ago and she has had no interest in ironing. She now is keen to iron again and just thinks the iron is broken. She wants a new iron. I feel that I am taking so much away from mum already and this would be something else. I do not, however, feel that she would be safe now to use an iron if no one was with her.
I am at a loss as to what to say to her and am worried about her reaction.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

Thanks

Debra

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @DebraT, welcome to TP, you will find this a friendly, informative and supportive place.

I don’t have specific experience of this issue but do know that it’s important to let a person with dementia have as much independence as possible for the sake of their self esteem etc. Would it be possible to say that your mother can use the iron when you visit as you just want to ensure safety and would enjoy the idle chat as the ironing is done?

 

[DebraT]

Hello @DebraT, welcome to TP, you will find this a friendly, informative and supportive place.

I don’t have specific experience of this issue but do know that it’s important to let a person with dementia have as much independence as possible for the sake of their self esteem etc. Would it be possible to say that your mother can use the iron when you visit as you just want to ensure safety and would enjoy the idle chat as the ironing is done?

Hi Pete
That is a good idea.
I did try similar with the cooker - which I said was not working as well as it used to and we would be best only using it if there were two of us there to check each other. This did seem to work, but then she forgot and put a plastic bowl on the hob !
If I said this to her, I think she would go to use the iron when I was not there. She thinks she is completely safe. She so wants to be able to do things herself and often things that she can. I have already removed hot water bottles from the house, which I know that she really misses.
It is so bloody hard, isn't it?

 

[karaokePete]

Hi Pete
That is a good idea.
I did try similar with the cooker - which I said was not working as well as it used to and we would be best only using it if there were two of us there to check each other. This did seem to work, but then she forgot and put a plastic bowl on the hob !
If I said this to her, I think she would go to use the iron when I was not there. She thinks she is completely safe. She so wants to be able to do things herself and often things that she can. I have already removed hot water bottles from the house, which I know that she really misses.
It is so bloody hard, isn't it?

Yes, it’s tough. Every day I have to remind myself to let my wife(who has Alzheimer’s) do as much as possible and not just take over the doing. It’s easier for me because I’m always around, although I have to bite my lip when I see some of the things she gets up to and then redo some of her efforts when she isn’t looking. What a merry dance it can be!
Always remember that TP is here and that others will understand what you are going through and give their wise advice that is born out of experience.

 

[Amethyst59]

It might be too late for you to do this...but until very recently my husband ironed the handkerchiefs and pillow cases while I did his shirts. (He used to do all his own ironing). Would that be A possibility for your mum to do, when you are there?

 

[DebraT]

Yes, it’s tough. Every day I have to remind myself to let my wife(who has Alzheimer’s) do as much as possible and not just take over the doing. It’s easier for me because I’m always around, although I have to bite my lip when I see some of the things she gets up to and then redo some of her efforts when she isn’t looking. What a merry dance it can be!
Always remember that TP is here and that others will understand what you are going through and give their wise advice that is born out of experience.

Thanks Pete. It is so hard not to take over and help. But when it is help that is not requested I suppose it is not really help then. Will just have to see what tomorrow brings as we all do. Enjoy rest of your eve.

 

[DebraT]

It might be too late for you to do this...but until very recently my husband ironed the handkerchiefs and pillow cases while I did his shirts. (He used to do all his own ironing). Would that be A possibility for your mum to do, when you are there?

It would. But it is what she would do when I was not there that would be the worry. Could hide the iron but she would not like that and I am not there most od the time.

 

[Amethyst59]

I was afraid of that. You will just have to stick to the love lie, of a broken iron that you keep forgetting to replace.

 

[canary]

You could always say that she could borrow yours. That way you could oversee the ironing.

 

[Lavender45]

I agree with Canary. I'd tell a white lie and say you've ordered a new one which you've been told is really good, you are just waiting for it to come back into stock. I'd say in the meantime you've brought yours over so she can do some ironing whilst you are there, but you've a pile to do at home so it'll have to leave when you do.

 

[Tin]

This was one of mum's chores, she lives with me so I was able to keep an eye on things, even so I still only let her use a light weight iron that I set at a very low temperature and then 'broke' the temp knob so she could not turn it up The temperature was set so low that it could not do much damage. My main iron kept out of sight. This worked for a while then she just lost interest or forgot how to ironing.

 

[DebraT]

Thanks so much for that. Definitely worth a try. I know she will forget eventually but it is the stress of doing the right thing in the meantime which is so hard. She does become paranoid at points which is always so hard to manage and this could feed in to it.
I know that you will all have had lots of experience of all of this already.
Thanks again.
Hopefully we will not get too frozen this week!

 

[LynneMcV]

I haven't tried one myself, but I know you can get irons which automatically turn off when not in use. Might that be a possibility?

 

[AlisonI]

Hi
My Mum had the same problem. She loved to iron but burnt so may clothes and it became quite dangerous. I didn't want to stop her doing what she wanted so I superglued the temperature control to cool. That way she could feel that it was working because it got a little warm but she couldn't burn anything even when she left it flat on clothes or the work surfaces. Might work for your Mum as its so sad to stop them doing things they like.

 

[Lavender45]

Thanks so much for that. Definitely worth a try. I know she will forget eventually but it is the stress of doing the right thing in the meantime which is so hard. She does become paranoid at points which is always so hard to manage and this could feed in to it.
I know that you will all have had lots of experience of all of this already.
Thanks again.
Hopefully we will not get too frozen this week!

Hi Debra
I think it's fair to say that it really is trial and error when it comes to trying to keep our PWD safe, whilst not frustrating them with limitations. Safety has to trump everything though.

Hopefully something we've suggested will help. The one some what twisted consolation is that there's a good chance your mum won't remember you've used an excuse before and that she's will think it's the first time you've given her the information so you may be able to recycle the same reasoning as to why she's not got a working iron. That being said what works once may not work a second time. Everything with dementia is trial and error. Never easy! X

 

[DebraT]

Thanks so much for all the suggestions. Will have a good think of what may work best for mum. Thank you everyone for your support. x

 

[Amy in the US]

I am always amazed by all the creative and clever solutions and strategies I read here on TP.

I am unlikely to face this particular scenario with an iron with my mother, but I am filing it away for future reference nonetheless. The same "broken knob" technique could work with other items, surely. Also, with dementia, you just never know.

@DebraT, welcome to Talking Point, and I hope you will find something that works. If you get a chance, please update us and let us know. Best wishes.