No time to think and plan

[Selinacroft]

I'm feeling like a headless checken waddling around in multiple directions and not knowing what to do next.
I've got so used to being at home most of the time when I cared for Dad and now I'm challenged with still managing the house and garden, spending time with dog and also attempting to earn some dosh. Meanwhile in the background I'm thinking do I stay or do I go and if I go where do I go , and will still have the what do I do next question.
My 2 jobs are still dementia orientated and it is not the work driving me nuts but the workmates so s/e is whirling around my head.
Then there is the probate to sort out once round 2 starts and coffee with the friends who I made in caring mode and kept me going. The house needs renovating and I need lots of quotes for decorating and heating, more estate agent valuations and the usual financial chores.
I felt busy being a full time carer but I seem to have moved up a gear or two and all I can do is cluck this week. Off to work in a minute...... Grrrrrrrr

 

[YorkshireLass]

I'm feeling like a headless checken waddling around in multiple directions and not knowing what to do next.
I've got so used to being at home most of the time when I cared for Dad and now I'm challenged with still managing the house and garden, spending time with dog and also attempting to earn some dosh. Meanwhile in the background I'm thinking do I stay or do I go and if I go where do I go , and will still have the what do I do next question.
My 2 jobs are still dementia orientated and it is not the work driving me nuts but the workmates so s/e is whirling around my head.
Then there is the probate to sort out once round 2 starts and coffee with the friends who I made in caring mode and kept me going. The house needs renovating and I need lots of quotes for decorating and heating, more estate agent valuations and the usual financial chores.
I felt busy being a full time carer but I seem to have moved up a gear or two and all I can do is cluck this week. Off to work in a minute...... Grrrrrrrr

Hi Selina, hope your afternoon at work is less frantic than your thoughts. All I can offer is "if nobody is in any danger" leave that job to one side and allow yourself to escape from the whirlwind. After caring and just when you think things will get easier other challenges come along. Steady down, do they need to be done now? Can it wait? You won't be fit to do anything at this rate and I'm positive folks will understand. Take care and keep in touch on Talking Point. I'm going to see my mum in care this afternoon (as I do every day) and as you know, I'm sure, dealing with dementia and someone you love dearly is dreadful. My wish is for this journey to be over xxx

 

[love.dad.but..]

I had already sold dad's house to pay for his care but once the funeral was over and probate applied for I wrote myself a list in order of priority that needed to be attended to and another with things that could wait until I felt motivated to do those. Actually ... when I was looking after dad's house then preparing it for sale...I did similar lists. You can probably guess by now....I am a list sort of person! but like you I found it difficult to switch off from the previous lengthy caring treadmill to motivate myself to start so whilst not rigid...there was some satisfaction in crossing off tasks either practical or organisational/paperwork as I had done them

 

[Selinacroft]

Thank you both- I have a folder full of lists- lists on Probate things, lists on house thngs, finance things, garden things, employment things , places to look at potentially to move to, web sites to visit, lists of tradesmen, lists of places to go dog dogwalking, lists of projects to start doing up the house and I am finding myself running off to work to go and help people with dementia earning a pretty low wage as all jobs to do with dementia seem to pay .
Seemed a good idea to jump back into work so as no gap in work history but I think I will need a gap anyway as no point in earning £8.00 per hour and paying gardener £20.00 p/h and decorators £25.00 p;/h and dog walkers etc etc.

Yorkshire Lass and to others reading this- apologies for trivialising my complaints, but I have been in your shoes and feel I can still offload on this site to people who know where I am coming from.
I do indeed know how you feel and sending you some support ing vibes in return to get through this stage of caring.

 

[LadyA]

Thank you both- I have a folder full of lists- lists on Probate things, lists on house thngs, finance things, garden things, employment things , places to look at potentially to move to, web sites to visit, lists of tradesmen, lists of places to go dog dogwalking, lists of projects to start doing up the house and I am finding myself running off to work to go and help people with dementia earning a pretty low wage as all jobs to do with dementia seem to pay .
Seemed a good idea to jump back into work so as no gap in work history but I think I will need a gap anyway as no point in earning £8.00 per hour and paying gardener £20.00 p/h and decorators £25.00 p;/h and dog walkers etc etc.

Yorkshire Lass and to others reading this- apologies for trivialising my complaints, but I have been in your shoes and feel I can still offload on this site to people who know where I am coming from.
I do indeed know how you feel and sending you some support ing vibes in return to get through this stage of caring.

It's very difficult, @Selinacroft , I think partly because although our former caring roles kept us busy all the time, it was busy in slow motion, because we had to do everything at the pace of the person we were caring for. That, in itself, is stressful, when there is so much to be done, but there is nothing to be gained by trying to hurry. However, when we are no longer caring, after being in that mode for years, we find ourselves having difficulties. There are so many things demanding our attention, so much to be done. But we are used to doing things at dementia pace, and often, one thing at a time because that's all our loved one can cope with. It takes a long time to adjust to our new life. Give yourself a chance. For a long while, I made lists too. And if I got one thing crossed off my list on a given day, it was a good achievement!!

 

[100 miles]

Hi Selina,

So may people will recognise where you are right now. I have also written a lot of lists. And far too many were written at 2am. Although if I couldn't sleep I found that writing lists did help me focus on what was needed to make progress.

I am wondering whether part time work may be the way forward in the short term. It will give you the benefit of having structure to the week and company. But also the freedom to do the jobs that you fancy or are most urgent.

It is going to take a while to sort out probate (yawn). Then moving onto the house, garden ....and then decide what future you want. Not everything needs to be done Right Now. Take time to day dream and time to stare blankly out of the window watching birds.

Best wishes

100 miles