Adult services assessment looming

[mintywasp]

Hi everyone, I have finally been given an appointment for an assessment for my mum. First requested last October, the appointment is this Thursday, 1st Feb. I am a bit anxious about what it's going to be like. I can't find any info about it in my mountain of paperwork and the page on the LA website is 'under review'. Can anyone tell me what to expect? all I know so far is it will be approx 2 hours, which has worried me.
My worry is that mum seems to have forgotten that she has Alzheimers, and obviously I never mention it. If a stranger comes in and starts mentioning dementia or Alzheimers she's going to be angry and upset. Oh blimey, I'm really glad it's being done but I'm dreading it...

 

[Beate]

The two hours are just an approx but a good assessment takes time. I think my last proper one was 90 minutes long. The SW wanted to meet my OH but that was all, I had already forewarned him that he wouldn't be able to answer proper questions and that everything he ever answers is "yes", whatever he's asked. So he knew the ropes and OH then retired to the sofa anyway. SW and I were able to have a really good talk and went through the forms together that he'd sent me in advance. In this borough carers get self-assessment forms to fill in, and I basically listed everything I did for OH on a daily or weekly basis, where I needed help and what I wanted the outcome of the assessment to be. So the better prepared you are and the more you know what you want, the better. Remember, the SW knows nothing about your Mum and about you or how you cope. You have to paint the picture and don't be afraid to pull any punches. Write things down so you remember them on the day, and also the SW can read through it without your Mum hearing the details.

 

[mintywasp]

The two hours are just an approx but a good assessment takes time. I think my last proper one was 90 minutes long. The SW wanted to meet my OH but that was all, I had already forewarned him that he wouldn't be able to answer proper questions and that everything he ever answers is "yes", whatever he's asked. So he knew the ropes and OH then retired to the sofa anyway. SW and I were able to have a really good talk and went through the forms together that he'd sent me in advance. In this borough carers get self-assessment forms to fill in, and I basically listed everything I did for OH on a daily or weekly basis, where I needed help and what I wanted the outcome of the assessment to be. So the better prepared you are and the more you know what you want, the better. Remember, the SW knows nothing about your Mum and about you or how you cope. You have to paint the picture and don't be afraid to pull any punches. Write things down so you remember them on the day, and also the SW can read through it without your Mum hearing the details.

Thank you so much, this is really good and just what I needed. I will have a think and write down what I want to say. Don't feel quite so worried now!

 

[whitehead1976]

Hi the social worker that my mother and I met was lovely and very understanding,I had been worried about meeting them as I was unsure what they would say or do,they just wanted to know how we were managing and asked questions about who dresed mum and could she feed herself etc and what we wanted to do,it was all very easy going and lasted about an hour if that,I was so pleased that it ran so smoothly and it hadn't been anything to worry about at all,they came across as being on our side,warm and supportive.
She was acompanied by an occupational therapist who wanted to see if we had all the equipment that we needed at home as my mum had lost her mobility.

 

[CeliaW]

@mintywasp - Hope the assessment goes well today and you get a knowledgeable, understanding, sensible Social Worker. ☺

 

[mintywasp]

@mintywasp - Hope the assessment goes well today and you get a knowledgeable, understanding, sensible Social Worker. ☺

Hi, thank you for the kind advice and thoughts everyone. The assessment this morning was awful. I don't think the SW has ever met anyone with Alzheimers... after a few brief introductions, her opening sentence to my mum was " Your daughter wants you to go and stay somewhere for respite care. Is that ok with you?" Mum was shocked and upset, totally confused and it just went from bad to worse. I had written 4 pages of information outlining mum's needs and everything I do etc and she just put it under her papers and didn't look at it. It lasted less than an hour and was a total waste of time. I felt ill.
So now dealing with constant questions, confusion and arguments. Will try to get through tomorrow and regroup at the weekend.

 

[Baker17]

Hi, thank you for the kind advice and thoughts everyone. The assessment this morning was awful. I don't think the SW has ever met anyone with Alzheimers... after a few brief introductions, her opening sentence to my mum was " Your daughter wants you to go and stay somewhere for respite care. Is that ok with you?" Mum was shocked and upset, totally confused and it just went from bad to worse. I had written 4 pages of information outlining mum's needs and everything I do etc and she just put it under her papers and didn't look at it. It lasted less than an hour and was a total waste of time. I felt ill.
So now dealing with constant questions, confusion and arguments. Will try to get through tomorrow and regroup at the weekend.

I’m so sorry that you had a bad experience, I’ve had two social workers the first one was lovely, I’ve just heard that she has left because ‘she felt she wasn’t able to help people’, the second was just as you describe your experience I felt as though I was on trial, it is stressful enough without someone with no thought or understanding of you and the sufferer, I’m still battling my way through things because I want the best outcome for my OH, try to stay strong and everyone here is listening and able to support you as I have found x

 

[CeliaW]

I am so sorry to read this. It's hard enough to try and sort everything as well as doing the actual caring and when a professional is so inept and causes unneccesary and unneeded extra stress, it just is so hard.

I hope your Mum forgets the visit and upset but, sadly, such an event always seems to linger.

No wise words at the moment but sending a supportive hug. Keep posting when you feel able and let us know how you and your Mum are doing.

Take care x

 

[Kikki21]

Hi, thank you for the kind advice and thoughts everyone. The assessment this morning was awful. I don't think the SW has ever met anyone with Alzheimers... after a few brief introductions, her opening sentence to my mum was " Your daughter wants you to go and stay somewhere for respite care. Is that ok with you?" Mum was shocked and upset, totally confused and it just went from bad to worse. I had written 4 pages of information outlining mum's needs and everything I do etc and she just put it under her papers and didn't look at it. It lasted less than an hour and was a total waste of time. I felt ill.
So now dealing with constant questions, confusion and arguments. Will try to get through tomorrow and regroup at the weekend.

I’m really sorry you had such a bad experience. If you wish to pursue this then social workers do report to a manage who has a manager etc. I have had to make complaints in the past & I don’t like to complain either but I have had situations occur that I had to. Plus I used to work with a group manager in social services so I know the ropes!

I know being a social worker is not easy but if you don’t have any empathy for a person or no dementia training then questions like that will get you nowhere. Please complain, it is you who has to live with the aftermath!

 

[mintywasp]

I’m really sorry you had such a bad experience. If you wish to pursue this then social workers do report to a manage who has a manager etc. I have had to make complaints in the past & I don’t like to complain either but I have had situations occur that I had to. Plus I used to work with a group manager in social services so I know the ropes!

I know being a social worker is not easy but if you don’t have any empathy for a person or no dementia training then questions like that will get you nowhere. Please complain, it is you who has to live with the aftermath!

Hi, thanks for this advice, I've delayed so long because I really didn't want to complain but I have now. I think the last straw was a voicemail from the SW yesterday asking if I'd managed to persuade my mum to agree to respite care. I was fuming, so wrote a long and angry email to Adult Services explaining why I was unhappy and requesting another assessment with a different SW. Let's see what happens now...

 

[Kikki21]

Hi, thanks for this advice, I've delayed so long because I really didn't want to complain but I have now. I think the last straw was a voicemail from the SW yesterday asking if I'd managed to persuade my mum to agree to respite care. I was fuming, so wrote a long and angry email to Adult Services explaining why I was unhappy and requesting another assessment with a different SW. Let's see what happens now...

Well done for complaining. I know my LA did take my complaint very seriously & I got a change in social worker back to the original more helpful & understanding person & an apology upholding my complaint too.

 

[shirleywurly]

My mum moved in with me after her first stroke and sold her house. She was domineering all my life even as an adult she insisted on doing things and altering my house to suit her and I stupidly gave in she spent quite a lot then had a second stroke and we were told she could end up with vascular dementia(she now has but it is at the early stages) two and a half years on we had to have a financial assessment as I could not cope with her demands and she was going too go into a home.
God I was ripped too shreds!! She likes things from M&S clothes,food etc I was told if i got it from aldi she would never no the difference,could go and get clothes from Primark(she stopped smoking and piled weight on), he said he has kids and didn't spend that much that I should be the parent now and take charge. I was made to feel like a criminal and told he would not take it any further. I get carers allowance and a very small pension from my partner I threw my car keys at him and said sell it I do not take my mum for granted but now he has made me feel really resentful as all I do is care and see 4 walls except for when I go shopping. I wish I had not let her come and live with me and do things in my house even thou it's council.