Mum answering the door to strangers

[misssunshine73]

My mum is nearly 80 and just last week she opened the door to a stranger selling tea towels. She bought a few but this has made me shiver as anything could have happened!
She also had a visit from my 3 cousins (ladies) and she didn't know who they were but still let them in!

Are there any devices to use to assist with his type of thing? I cant take the key out of the door for fire safety reasons. I've put a DO NOT KNOCK message on her door but i don't think this will deter anyone.

 

[Mipsydoo]

My mum paid to have her trees trimmed , cash on the door which worries me . My mum aware of who people are but niave to possible dangers . With your Mum , must be a constant worry . I’ve a dementia catalogue which had a sensor to place around the house . Unfortunately a pricey option as many products are that assist with assistance In dermentia

 

[misssunshine73]

My mum paid to have her trees trimmed , cash on the door which worries me . My mum aware of who people are but niave to possible dangers . With your Mum , must be a constant worry . I’ve a dementia catalogue which had a sensor to place around the house . Unfortunately a pricey option as many products are that assist with assistance In dermentia

Thank you x I have just found a site selling all sorts of devices. What a worry!

 

[DeMartin]

What about that doorbell that connects to your mobile phone, then you can say “busy, about to walk my Rotwiller”

 

[Shedrech]

hi @misssunshine73
I was going to mention the system DeMartin suggests - I think there have been adverts on the TV
and maybe have a word at your local police office as some have those stickers that are meant to deter cold callers - and they may keep a list of vulnerable elders in case they are named in any emergency calls
there's this too
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/phones/no-more-junk
I did get dad a telecare system from his Local Authority Adult Services and it was not expensive as came through them - so ask if your mum's LA can help

 

[jknight]

hi @misssunshine73
I was going to mention the system DeMartin suggests - I think there have been adverts on the TV
and maybe have a word at your local police office as some have those stickers that are meant to deter cold callers - and they may keep a list of vulnerable elders in case they are named in any emergency calls
there's this too
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/phones/no-more-junk
I did get dad a telecare system from his Local Authority Adult Services and it was not expensive as came through them - so ask if your mum's LA can help

 

[Amy in the US]

Some people get some assistance with devices through their LA, as mentioned above.

I think there are now likely cameras and security systems and things like those smart doorbells, that can connect to your phone, so you could monitor things remotely and see who is at the door and so on.

I hope you have PoA and already take care of the finances? If not, I'd say it's time.

I understand your worry. I found out after the fact, that my mother was not only giving out her credit card information over the phone to cold callers and so called "charities," but was also giving money and writing checks to people who knocked on the door. She even invited them in (she got a thank you note from a legitimate charity whose representative she apparently had in for coffee and a chat, and then wrote him a BIG check). She also got in car accidents and had a near miss with an electrical issue in her kitchen. I lost a lot of sleep, I can tell you.

So by the time my mother got to where she couldn't manage her finances and was giving money away to scammers, she also was at the point where she needed 24/7 supervision, as she was having other problems (wasn't eating or bathing or changing clothes or cleaning or washing clothes, wasn't taking medications properly and was over and underdosing on prescription and over the counter meds, wasn't sleeping, the list goes on). She ended up in hospital after being found wandering very early one cold morning, no coat, injured, hallucinating and disoriented. She was just lucky to have been found by a Good Samaritan rather than someone else. She went to hospital due to her confusion, dehydration, and to have her injuries assessed. She was malnourished and underweight and it was terrible.

I am sorry to digress about my own story. I think it sounds like your mother needs more help and support and I hope you will be able to get something in place quickly, to keep her safe, and for your peace of mind. Best wishes.

 

[jknight]

Mum has a sign on the door saying she doesn't buy goods or services from the door. Two charity 'fundraisers' have invited themselves in & signed her up for a lottery. She has handed over her bank card to both of them. I have cancelled both. Does anyone know if there is anything more I can do to stop them knocking on her door?

 

[DeMartin]

Does your mum use the bank card? Is it possible to blank out the 3 number security code on the back ( make a note of it first) then she cannot use it on the phone, or someone cannot copy the number. The pin code will still work in an ATM.

 

[Onmyown]

gosh thankgod my mum is very anxious about strangers calling and never answers the door but this could all change soon?
I think those mobile gadgets are great thats what i would use then you can see who is calling etc. its very very worrying.they are so vunerable.

 

[Beate]

The "no cold callers" signs help up to a point, but they won't deter fraudsters, and they could point out that a vulnerable person lives there.

Exactly this scenario is what finally got us the help from Social Services that we needed. Someone tried to scam OH at the door while I was at work - luckily I had already confiscated his bank card. I got him into a Day Care Centre during the day, and I was around in the evenings of course. If someone lives alone, it all gets so much more complicated. All the day centres, cold caller signs, call blockers and door sensors cannot prevent your Mum from doing something unsafe while she's on her own, so you can try to muddle through and hope for the best or there'll come a time where she'll only be safe while being looked after in a home. I'm not saying this is now - just be prepared.

 

[Fullticket]

All this was why we moved mum in with us. Long story short as I have explained all before on this wonderful site but the crisis came (after giving away money, people helping themselves to her possessions, etc) when someone drove her to the cash point to withdraw money. We left her with a small amount in her purse each week but still they knocked and emptied her purse. And this was after I had POA and dealt with all her finances.
Unfortunately I think the time has come for you to look at sheltered housing, moving her to a safe place or a care home as she is no longer capable on her own.

 

[SnowWhite]

My friends late Dad lived in a flat in a sheltered complex. He had dementia and would talk to anybody. He went out every day to buy fruit and cakes which he never ate and just got mouldy in his flat. He would chat to people on his shopping trips and sadly many of them took advantage of him. They would turn up with “bargains” for him and charge him maybe £200 for a charity shop coat. Others worked their way in and stole money from him. She reported it to the warden (who wasnt always on site) but she said there was little they could do and she said my friend was not allowed to put up CCTV.

My friend then made sure he never had more than about £20 in his flat and stocked all his cupboards up with tins and packets. Carers who visited stole most of the food from him. It was disgraceful. In the end she moved him to a care home where he was safe and nobody could rob him.

I think the time has come for you to look at care homes.

 

[jknight]

Does your mum use the bank card? Is it possible to blank out the 3 number security code on the back ( make a note of it first) then she cannot use it on the phone, or someone cannot copy the number. The pin code will still work in an ATM.

That is a brilliant idea! Thank you!