Feeling sad at New Year

[nanafatana]

I felt like you Pam.I could'nt get to bed fast enough last night.we have always stayed
up to see in the New Year but not the way i feel at the moment. My OH did'nt realise
that it was New year Love to all on TP

 

[Loopiloo]

People with dementia are very perceptive and very good at picking up emotion. Maybe your husband can see your heartache and sorrow, and this is what he's referring to.

This is very true LadyA. Henry was quick to comment on my face -my expression - especially when he went into the care home. I quickly learned to start smiling as I entered the building to visit him and keep it on my face until I left the lounge. He also picked up on the tone of my voice.

It did work, he became (mostly) the man he was, saying loving things, being affectionate, holding my hand - and I had thought that had gone forever. There were bad days also, but the good ones were precious.

Loo xxx

 

[GailE2010]

I felt like you Pam.I could'nt get to bed fast enough last night.we have always stayed
up to see in the New Year but not the way i feel at the moment. My OH did'nt realise
that it was New year Love to all on TP

I know exactly how you feel I have been so tearful miserable and isolated all over Xmas and new year compounded by a really heavy cold cough and sore throat oh no idea constantly wanting attention and asking if I ok then sits scratching his head for hours on end which drives me to the edge of total despair if I go into a different room just to calm down he follows me I hate this disease and its total destruction of Peoples even the carers I see no future at the moment just want to dry and sleep

 

[Frank68]

Hi Pam,
Yes - your New Year pain finds a lot of echoes in the hearts of TP Members - me included. I got through Christmas with a lot of careful planning and things worked really well in that I and the family brought my wife to our home for Boxing Day lunch - her first visit since she went into residential care last July. It was an anxious and emotional experiment for us - though, typically, my wife just took it all in her stride and enjoyed it, so we all did!
But New Year.... the radio is full of wise folks reviewing the past year and making projections - the TV ads are encouraging us to take a cruise or visit some sunny beaches - and our friends and family are planning and booking holidays and other events just as we used to do. And now, generally, we can't.... Looking forward is very difficult and can become dominated by the small and unexciting (but vital) necessities like making sure to phone Tena within the correct timeframe so that the sanitary supplies arrive as needed!!
I try to keep myself looking forward by planning a fortnightly diary for our activities, appointments and menu which I put on the side of the fridge - so I can look forward to taking Sue to Singing Group next Monday / out to lunch at the Sailing Club with our loving and understanding old friends next Saturday etc. Even little things that I do most weeks go on the Diary and seem to help to keep me looking forward. I find having them written where I can be reminded of them is helpful. "Calendarpaedia" provide free Year Planners (and Planners in many different formats) to download and print off for free from their website - I've just done mine and although there is not a lot on it there is our Golden Wedding in July and although it's going to be bitter / sweet I guess it still gives me a focus for the first half of the year.
Pam, you also mention that you find it difficult to share much with family and friends at the moment. It is good to share on here - very good. But family and friends can often be looking for us to share too and will have their own pain as well. Having a good cry with people you love and who will give you a hug is a great thing.
As Loo has posted: "Keep on going, we do understand and feel your pain".
Frank

 

[Pam3482]

Thanks for all your support. It is hard coming to terms with the loss of things we used to do - holidays abroad etc. Earlier in the year I had such hopes as we were told his brain tumour was in full remission and now this. Feeling a bit better today. Went into the garage and took my frustration out on a garden bench we're renovating!

 

[Roseleigh]

"To all of you, #HappyNewYear l've lived long enough to know that darkness will pass to daylight. Make 2018 about keeping the candles of decency burning because I plan to. Life is short, so never forget that our burdens are many but joy can be found in the harshest of environments"

Some uplifting words from 95 year old author Harry Leslie Smith!
Hope it helps.

 

[Battered]

Sorry to everyone. In my post I gave the impression I am being battered physically. That is not the case (although it has been close). I am being verbally battered. Forever being told things that I know aren’t true, telling me I hate her and always have and so much more. Lucky if I get 3 hours sleep a night. I dread the next day.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Battered
no 'sorry' warranted - TP is here to tell it as it is and get it off your chest
aggression/abuse is still just that when it's verbal, which can then slip over into physical
you sound thoroughly exhausted - no-one can cope on only 3 hours sleep - it's hard enough listening to nasty stuff when you have slept well; really tough when you haven't
it's good that you can come to TP and write out your feelings
do also have a chat with one of the knowledgeable and understanding folk on the AS Helpline
it's back to normal opening hours today
0300 222 11 22
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

have you contacted your Local Authority Adult Services for a carer's assessment - it may be that some respite is available and you need the break

 

[Bee.quilt]

I am caring for my wife and am so frightened of what the new year will bring me. As my name suggests I am continually being battered by her and I am not sure how much more I can take. I get no help and even her family have nothing to do with her. God why are you putting me through this. Getting to the end of my tether and really couldn't care if my own end came tomorrow. Some new year to look forward to.

 

[Bee.quilt]

Please get help. GP, memory clinic team, Samaritans, social services. You can't carry on while feeling like this. Get help!

 

[janicek55]

Feeling really down at moment. Seems to be nothing to look forward to this New Year following OHs recent diagnosis. Glad I can express my feelings on here as feel unable to share with family and friends at the moment. Sorry to be so depressing and I hope you all have a happy New Year.

 

[janicek55]

I am with you . I have never been a big New Years celebrator but this year it just seemed sad . Husband has a bad cold and is more confused than usual ( which I know is normal) He even admitted New Year’s Day that he was very confused, and that’s the first he has admitted to any kind of issue . He usually fights me on everything’s and of course everything is my fault. I have always thought things would be easier for me if he could just realize how bad he is .....but today it’s just sad!

 

[Olliebeak]

I know exactly how you feel I have been so tearful miserable and isolated all over Xmas and new year compounded by a really heavy cold cough and sore throat oh no idea constantly wanting attention and asking if I ok then sits scratching his head for hours on end which drives me to the edge of total despair if I go into a different room just to calm down he follows me I hate this disease and its total destruction of Peoples even the carers I see no future at the moment just want to dry and sleep

Oh your post echoes with me! My OH scratches his bald head too - until he has scabs on it - and it drives me mad and like you I try to escape but there is no hiding place and no privacy. Tonight I thought after a trying day - (I took OH to cinema, another story), I would escape the 100th repeat of Foyles War and go to bed with a headache and a book - to find he has found and emptied my secret supply of pain killers. And he followed me to bed before I’d even opened my book. So I am back on the sofa reading TP to feel less alone!