Feeling really down at moment. Seems to be nothing to look forward to this New Year following OHs recent diagnosis. Glad I can express my feelings on here as feel unable to share with family and friends at the moment. Sorry to be so depressing and I hope you all have a happy New Year.
Feeling sad at New Year
- Thread starter Pam3482
- Start date
We understand Pam, this time of year can be such a difficult time when faced with such uncertainty ahead. There will still be good times to be enjoyed though, despite this horrible diagnosis, although I know it doesn't seem like that is possible right now. Wishing you peace and strength for 2018 and do keep posting 
Hello @Pam3482
A new diagnosis is overwhelming and feeling the outlook is bleak is understandable. You certainly can express your feelings here and most of us have experienced those feelings at some time or other and know exactly how you feel.
It doesn't`t take the pain away but I hope it takes the feeling of isolation away.
A new diagnosis is overwhelming and feeling the outlook is bleak is understandable. You certainly can express your feelings here and most of us have experienced those feelings at some time or other and know exactly how you feel.
It doesn't`t take the pain away but I hope it takes the feeling of isolation away.
To be honest, @Pam3482 , I think there's too much emphasis on the jolly, "Happy New Year", celebrate, jamboree. We load it with expectations. And it's a very lonely, painful time for many people. I've always hated it. I tell myself firmly that it's not really anything momentous. Just the turn of one day to the next, and I go to bed early! The years, well, I like the old idea of "the wheel of the year". The seasons just keep turning, one after another - Spring to Summer to Autumn to Winter to Spring. Things are always changing gradually, because that's the nature of life.
The wisest thing I ever read was something that has stayed with me for years, and I remind myself of it when things are hard: "Good and bad run on parallel tracks, and they usually arrive at around the same time."
Things may seem bleak right now, but I do hope the coming months bring some good times for you and your husband.
The wisest thing I ever read was something that has stayed with me for years, and I remind myself of it when things are hard: "Good and bad run on parallel tracks, and they usually arrive at around the same time."
Things may seem bleak right now, but I do hope the coming months bring some good times for you and your husband.
I no how you feel oh diagnosed March 2016 and it’s upsetting as whot is happening and what will happen but you have to go on and deal with things as it happens .hope you have a happy new year and you soon don’t feel so depressed Evan though I feel the same some times xxx
Pam, I’m sure lots of people on this site understand how you are feeling, it’s my first new year on my own as my husband is in full time care and I don’t feel I like saying happy new year, but I wish you well for the next year and hope you find as much comfort as I have felt since discovering all the people here, hope you manage to sleep well, take care xx
new
Have a good night and try not to think of this night as any different. It is to me because New years eve was always party time. Looking back we had so much fun. BUT it could have been fun on any night. Its just a new number for the year. Wish you well.xxx
@LadyA , your words are what I needed.
The new year started half an hour ago. (We are an hour ahead)
I was in bed, talking on the phone to a friend whose husband died some months ago.
My dogs are sound asleep , here by me.
Husband is sleeping upstairs.
On the whole, a peaceful new year's eve.
This is the first time in 50 odd years I have not seen the New Year in (except when I had flu) but it’s just too depressing. Last year I sat sobbing into my glass of Baileys knowing it would not be a good year and it wasn’t. This year I’m in bed with OH wrapped up in most of the duvet as usual and listening to the church bells. In a few minutes it will be fireworks. I can’t think of anything to look forward to as my husband slowly gets worse and my life gets harder to bear,
But to all you other victims of their partners dementia - good luck in 2018.
But to all you other victims of their partners dementia - good luck in 2018.
@Olliebeak - I solved the duvet problem years ago, by putting two single duvets on the bed! It was a king size bed. My husband felt the cold more than I did, so I had a higher tog value on his side. When he became incontinent, it was easier too to just have a single size duvet on him.
I am caring for my wife and am so frightened of what the new year will bring me. As my name suggests I am continually being battered by her and I am not sure how much more I can take. I get no help and even her family have nothing to do with her. God why are you putting me through this. Getting to the end of my tether and really couldn't care if my own end came tomorrow. Some new year to look forward to.
@Battered
I think you'll benefit from having a chat with our helpline
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
It’s closed today but available as normal from tomorrow.
@Battered I’m sorry things are so bad for you.
I wondered if you would considerphoning the Samaritans. They have an emotional listening service and it might help to talk to someone today. Their phone number is 116 123
This is the link to their website.
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
I wondered if you would considerphoning the Samaritans. They have an emotional listening service and it might help to talk to someone today. Their phone number is 116 123
This is the link to their website.
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
@Battered - I would recommend having somewhere safe with a bolt on the door that you can go into at the first sign of violence. Carry a charged up mobile on you at all times and do not be afraid to call the police when there is actual violence. They will not cart her off in handcuffs, but they can set in motion the help that you need. No one should live in fear of violence, even if the person doing it doesnt understand what they are doing. Im guessing that you do not want her to go into a care/nursing home, but if you are injured so that you end up in hospital, or take your own life, whaere would she be then?
Dont let dementia take 2 lives.
PS - the times that I have phones the Samaritans I have nor been able to get through because of the demand
Dont let dementia take 2 lives.
PS - the times that I have phones the Samaritans I have nor been able to get through because of the demand
My heart goes out to you @Pam3482 and to everyone else who wrote so sadly here. Like others longer on this dementia road I can identify with your feelings, your fears and dreads. It has been a long haul for us, and 10 years before I found TP, my salvation, then my late husband went into hospitals, never came home, and was in a care home for 5 years.
That is a whole different ball game; you remain a carer and there is a learning of new strategies, on every level. The practical, legal, emotional and much more. Without TP I would have been a lost soul trying to find my way through that unexpected change of circumstances.
In some respects the period following diagnosis is the most frightening. There are other frightening changes of course but that period facing the unknown, life being turned upside down, can be devastating. It is hard to feel any positivity. But I do hope that being here on TP does help.
If like me you felt a depth of isolation I hope being here helps that as it did me. As I have said before, coming here was like emerging from a deep dark place into the light. There is an endless fund of experience, information, genuine caring and support and much more I can't find words to adequately express.
Keep writing, whatever you need to write, and the letting it out in itself, the writing, can help. Keep reading. TP is the best place to learn about dementia, and everything pertaining to it.
My words may mean nothing at this moment in time for you, New Year and all the celebrations, expectations of a new year ahead is a very hard time when you are living with dementia in your life, an uninvited third party. But hang in there, we are all here for each other, and we can help each other in many ways which at present may seem impossible to imagine.
Keep on going... We do understand and feel your pain.
Loo xxx
That is a whole different ball game; you remain a carer and there is a learning of new strategies, on every level. The practical, legal, emotional and much more. Without TP I would have been a lost soul trying to find my way through that unexpected change of circumstances.
In some respects the period following diagnosis is the most frightening. There are other frightening changes of course but that period facing the unknown, life being turned upside down, can be devastating. It is hard to feel any positivity. But I do hope that being here on TP does help.
If like me you felt a depth of isolation I hope being here helps that as it did me. As I have said before, coming here was like emerging from a deep dark place into the light. There is an endless fund of experience, information, genuine caring and support and much more I can't find words to adequately express.
Keep writing, whatever you need to write, and the letting it out in itself, the writing, can help. Keep reading. TP is the best place to learn about dementia, and everything pertaining to it.
My words may mean nothing at this moment in time for you, New Year and all the celebrations, expectations of a new year ahead is a very hard time when you are living with dementia in your life, an uninvited third party. But hang in there, we are all here for each other, and we can help each other in many ways which at present may seem impossible to imagine.
Keep on going... We do understand and feel your pain.
Loo xxx
Last edited:
This is certainly the thread for me this morning. We were out last night with very kind friends with whom we always celebrate New Year. I am not feeling jealous or sorry for myself but just realistic. Hearing their news, holidays etc. and their plans reinforced my own static position. I was quite able, and do, wish them all a happy new year but I could see they were searching for something positive to say to me instead of happy new year. Also I have always regarded myself as a strong person, someone who can get things done, make changes but my OH's Alzheimer's has stopped me dead and I hate being pitied.
When we got home last night and I was trying to put our "best" clothes away my OH said "I hate your face". Nice. I left him with his shiny, patent shoes and he is wearing them this morning. Prefer slippers myself.
I have noted the talking therapies listed above but this is just not for me so I had a good talk with myself, and son chipped in a bit on phone, this morning. Will try not to rise to the small annoyances and will learn all the words to "Let it be" (do not think there are many) and sing this as my mantra. Will ring the day centre tomorrow and book in extra days. Will also use their transport (something I have shunned in the past trying to maintain some privacy).
Hope some extra alone time will help me and that everyone on this thread finds a small but significant way to improve their days.
When we got home last night and I was trying to put our "best" clothes away my OH said "I hate your face". Nice. I left him with his shiny, patent shoes and he is wearing them this morning. Prefer slippers myself.
I have noted the talking therapies listed above but this is just not for me so I had a good talk with myself, and son chipped in a bit on phone, this morning. Will try not to rise to the small annoyances and will learn all the words to "Let it be" (do not think there are many) and sing this as my mantra. Will ring the day centre tomorrow and book in extra days. Will also use their transport (something I have shunned in the past trying to maintain some privacy).
Hope some extra alone time will help me and that everyone on this thread finds a small but significant way to improve their days.
People with dementia are very perceptive and very good at picking up emotion. Maybe your husband can see your heartache and sorrow, and this is what he's referring to.