Hi Wink,
First of all to say I really feel for you at this time- such a hard decision but you know when the time is right.
Getting your husband in: When my wife Sue went residential nearly four months ago the care home offered some day-care days to get him used to the place. Might be worth asking? Otherwise
The sort of subterfuge suggested by Baker is probably a good idea - 'we both need a little holiday/ rest....
How often to visit? As Beate says, there is no hard and fast rules and it depends on you - and him. I visit on four days each week, sometimes five. Sue is very mobile and likes outings so we go out - Church / singing group / drop-in / cafes / lunch at a friend's perhaps.
I had visions of probably visiting less than I do but: A. Sue's always pleased to see me and to go out, although she has settled well she enjoys the outings and is stimulated by them. B. I just miss her so dreadfully I need to see her and do things together as much as I can.
So, perhaps set yourself an initial plan of when you might visit BUT be prepared to adapt to suit and as time goes by.
I think most establishments will welcome family for a meal and not charge for it. We are holding a small birthday party for Sue in November, 10 guests, and the Home are turning their usual teatime into a party with special sandwiches etc and I have baked a very large rich fruit cake (it's my first solo effort - looks ok but previous attempts at icing have not been too good!).
All the best - love and prayers - as you go through this next stage in this frightful journey.
Frank x