Mum diagnosed at 60

[Hayley1983]

Hi Everybody

On 18th September 2017 we found out that my 60yr old mum has early onset dementia. We are waiting for the final diagnosis after an MRI and lumbar puncture was done but the consultant thinks its either Alzheimer's or Lewy Body Dementia. We expect to go back to London to see the consultant again in about 4-6 weeks time.

Mum started suffering with memory problems (lost keys, putting handbag down in a shop and forgetting to pick it up kind of thing) about 18 months - 2yrs ago. We first took her to the doctor in January 2016 but it was treated as depression until Mum failed a memory test and was referred to a psychiatrist. Mum has all the while been getting steadily worse and she now relies on my dad (aged 64) completely. It has taken so long to get to the point of diagnosis that as devastated as we all are we are relieved that finally we get some answers / help.

I am 33yrs old with a 3yr old son and I never expected to be in this situation. I feel like I have lost my Mum already and it upsets me so much that I can't remember the last time she was 'normal.' I struggle to help my Dad with caring for Mum as much as i would like as I work 2 jobs, have my son and husband to look after/care for and all the other usual household jobs to do. Next week my parents are relocating to Lincolnshire (from Hertfordshire where we all currently live) so that my dad can focus on being her full time carer without as many financial worries. There will be an 87 mile distance between us and I am worrying how my Dad will cope. I will visit as often as I can but it will be such a big change from the near daily visits I get from them now (we live 2 minutes apart)

Sorry for the long opening message from me. Would be nice to hear from anybody in the same/similar situation. X

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to TP

That’s a big chance for you all.

If you put their new postcode in here it will show you help is available locally http://alzheimers.org.uk/?_ga=2.99001752.706489380.1503248094-1233930293.1491936397

 

[SnowWhite]

Very sorry to hear this Hayley as 60 is no age at all. I watched a programme a couple of years ago about early onset dementia and I was truly shocked at how young some people are when they develop dementia.

I am guessing it's too late to change your Dads mind about relocating as it may be quite isolating for him over there. Having said that maybe their NHS and social services won't be as stretched as in Herts.

 

[Louhelp1234]

Really sorry to hear about your mum.
My mum is 67 and in the process of being diagnosed.
Failed memory test miserably and struggles to do most things.
I ageee it comes as a total shock and there's also a element of grief. Sometimes I feel like I'm grieving for the min I had but also having to worry about a stranger in her body.
I also understand the guilt felt by not being able to do more. I have two children and run my own business so short for time. I do what I can but feel it's not enough. It's so hard.
This support group is amazing though I've been helped and guided so much. Any concerns or worries you'll have there will always be someone to help.
Big hugs stay strong xxx

 

[father ted]

Hello Hayley,
Sorry to hear about your Mum. 60 is indeed young for a diagnosis and altho it is a shock whenever it comes even my old Mum with AD says she is lucky she didn't get it till she was in her 80's.

Your Mum and Dad should be enjoying their retirement and enjoying their grandchild, having him to stay over, taking him out offering you and your husband a chance for couple time and giving your son the experience of having time on his own with his granny and grandpa which all young children enjoy. In that way you are all loosing out.

Anyway, it is what it is. Make sure that you get advice on benefit entitlement I.e attendance allowance etc. Have your Mum and Dad got family in Lincolnshire that could support them? If not I would urge your Dad to reconsider. If you see a decline in your Mum in the last two years there is no reason to think this will abate and he will need support from you and also for your own piece of mind to have the within a short distance will be helpful and less disruptive to your family life. You have a very busy life and your first concern is your little boy and husband. My very best wishes to you.

 

[Hayley1983]

Thanks for your replies. Nice to know I'm not as alone in this as I feel at times.

Today my dad, myself and my brother were made power of attorney for mum and also a will has been set up. We didn't think mum was going to be able to answer the 'mental capacity' questions but she did well and knew she has 2 children, 2 grandchildren and could remember her date of birth. Considering it had been a bad morning we were all shocked. The lady said it will take about 10 weeks for the court to approve it.

With regards to the move, it's too late for anything to be done now without them losing tens of thousands of pounds. Also, my mum seems to be looking forward to it (which is unusual as she has such low mood about most things) that maybe it will be a good thing for them. My dads sister, her husband and my dad's mum (who has vascular dementia) are going to be living in the same village so he does have some support close by. My brother will be about an hour away and me about 1hr 45 mins. Only time will tell with how they settle but I hope this is a positive thing for them. We need something positive to happen soon. X

 

[father ted]

Hayley, it certainly sounds like you are all working hard to put things in place and good to know that there is support for your Mum and Dad nearby and you and your brother not too far away. I hope it all works out well.

 

[acramanda]

Hi Everybody

On 18th September 2017 we found out that my 60yr old mum has early onset dementia. We are waiting for the final diagnosis after an MRI and lumbar puncture was done but the consultant thinks its either Alzheimer's or Lewy Body Dementia. We expect to go back to London to see the consultant again in about 4-6 weeks time.

Mum started suffering with memory problems (lost keys, putting handbag down in a shop and forgetting to pick it up kind of thing) about 18 months - 2yrs ago. We first took her to the doctor in January 2016 but it was treated as depression until Mum failed a memory test and was referred to a psychiatrist. Mum has all the while been getting steadily worse and she now relies on my dad (aged 64) completely. It has taken so long to get to the point of diagnosis that as devastated as we all are we are relieved that finally we get some answers / help.

I am 33yrs old with a 3yr old son and I never expected to be in this situation. I feel like I have lost my Mum already and it upsets me so much that I can't remember the last time she was 'normal.' I struggle to help my Dad with caring for Mum as much as i would like as I work 2 jobs, have my son and husband to look after/care for and all the other usual household jobs to do. Next week my parents are relocating to Lincolnshire (from Hertfordshire where we all currently live) so that my dad can focus on being her full time carer without as many financial worries. There will be an 87 mile distance between us and I am worrying how my Dad will cope. I will visit as often as I can but it will be such a big change from the near daily visits I get from them now (we live 2 minutes apart)

Sorry for the long opening message from me. Would be nice to hear from anybody in the same/similar situation. X

Hi I am new to this as well. My mom has been showing signs of what we believe to be early onset Alzheimer's or Primary Progressive Aphasia which is a form of Frontotemporal Dementia for almost 5 years now. It all started with her not being able to think of common words and now she has forgotten the concepts of what objects mean. Her executive functioning has declined considerably and she can't tell time, remember our birthdays, phone numbers, can't follow recipes to cook and so on. My dad is her primary caregiver but has been in denial about the situation throughout this whole process which has made things very difficult for my sister and I. We all live in a small town here in the United States. Her 2 MRI's have not shown anything significant except age related atrophy which doesn't tell us a whole lot. She has a neuropsychologist appointment November 6 which we hope we will find out some answers even though we all know it's some form of dementia. I have had a hard time coping with things as well. I have been married for 3 years and am in the process of trying to get pregnant and am not sure I will be able to cope with it all. I am depressed to think my mom won't be around to see my kids if I ever have any and am worried my dad will never be able to cope losing her. My life feels like it's in shambles and I have no answers. My mom is 62 and my dad is 65. Any coping strategies that you or anyone else has would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do either...

 

[chick1962]

Hiya Hayley, my husband also got diagnosed at 60 . After the initial shock we put everything in place so we don’t need to worry about anything financial .

He just turned 68 and we still make the best out of the good days and concentrate on what he can still do, rather then what he can’t .
Routine helps a lot, I found and we still enjoy our life’s . He is on medication to slow the progress down and can still converse , go out and do simple tasks . I guess what I am trying to say is that one can live quite well with Dementia once care plans, carer support, admiral nurses and everything in in place . Get all the help and support you need and introduce a sitter or a befriended earlier on so your Mum gets used to them . Age UK and the Alzheimer’s society have those . It will give your dad a bit of a break too . Hugs xxxx

 

[Reds]

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at 58 but had probably had it earlier.

He is now 64. We have had to learn a lot of coping strategies. Was a shock as I had never had the knowledge of someone with dementia.

Get as much help as you can.

Reds x

 

[SnowWhite]

Hayley - a friend I went to grammar school with has just been diagnosed at 64. Another friends hubby is the same age and he also has dementia.

A couple of years ago the TV programme This Morning chose their Xmas charity as Early Onset Dementia and I was so moved at the people in their 50s who had it that I sent them a donation instead of buying cards and stamps.

I hope your Mum and Dads move goes well. X

 

[Toria84]

Hi Hayley. Im also 33 with a 9 year old and my mum has vascular dementia at 64. Big shock. Had to give work up to look after her as she only has me and my brother. She has gone into a care home last friday following 2 strokes. I would never be able to look after her now. Heartbreaking, now the shock and reality of loosing my mother has hit me as i have 5 mins to myself now. So sad. Hope all goes smooth for your mums move