my mum has Alzheimer's and my dad is her main carer with help from me and my brother when we can. However we cant always and we are not sure who to turn to as dad doesn't seem to know where to start or who to turn to either. At the moment mum can go the toilet, shower but she sometimes doesn't get herself food. When dad does leave her for a few hours she stays in her room and watches tv. However i really feel this isn't good enough as if she fell there would be no way of knowing as she cant use the phone and her language has really deteriorated over the last few months. They live in over 50s complex so there are always people about but mum wasn't really sociable pre Alzheimer's. We loooked at a company that could offer companionship but dad wasn't impressed with them. I think if she was to go to a care place on her own she would be very distressed as she now relies so heavily on my dad to the point where even if myself or my brother are with her she barely relaxes until hes home. Basically im not sure where to start to enable my dad (who is very fit, sociable & active) to have his own life too.
Getting the right respite for my dad
- Thread starter Nessiemoo
- Start date
Hi,
Sounds like day care may be a good place to start. Mam went one day a week, but there was the option to do more. She got picked up and brought home, had a 3 course meal while there and did puzzles and bingo etc. Gave dad a few hours break, knowing she was being looked after.
I know others will have good advice too.
Hope you find something that suits
Xx
@Nessiemoo
Hi
Agree with @Graybiker day centre works for my Mum to give my Dad some time. Mum thoroughly enjoys going and looking after the old people.
All the best
Hi
Agree with @Graybiker day centre works for my Mum to give my Dad some time. Mum thoroughly enjoys going and looking after the old people.
All the best
hi @Nessiemoo
I wonder whether your dad has requested an assessment of your mum's care needs from their Local Authority Adult Services, as this is one way of accessing support - your mum has a right to this assessment and your dad has a right to a carer's assessment
from this might come some home care visits, a sitter to be with your mum for a few hours, day care and respite, plus an OT to com e and look at their home to suggest aids and adaptions to help them both - ask about the carephone system as this provided my dad with an alarm button, which he wore as a pendant, and links to the landline so that an operator speaks to your mum if she presses the button and is then also able to call your dad/you/emergency services - dad also had a door sensor which triggered a call if he left the door open for more than a few seconds
if your mum has savings above £23250 she will fund any care - your dad's finances are not taken into account in a financial assessment for her care fees - and their marital home is disregarded (so there's no question of having to sell it)
you may well find something useful in the local services listing of the main AS site
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/...1181.1503062667-213745934.1462100281#!/search
I did find that when I organised day care for my dad he had to be referred by his GP or Social Services
your mum may not be too keen on any support you try to put place - maybe sneak her to a day centre, saying it's a nice place for a cuppa and cake, maybe your dad could go with her the first time, then drop her off the second, then organise transport ... - as the time is as much for your dad to recuperate and have a chance to do something he wants to do (which is really important), you may have to be 'cruel to be kind'
best wishes
PS the staff at dad's day care home were brilliant with him and the others there - they got to know him and his ways so they could distract him if he had an emotional wobble - so don't worry too much about your mum going to a center; the staff are well used to looking out for first timers and helping them settle - and, being 'hard' even if she does have a few tears, you will know that she is safe, monitored, well fed and entertained - your dad counts equally and he needs a break,
I wonder whether your dad has requested an assessment of your mum's care needs from their Local Authority Adult Services, as this is one way of accessing support - your mum has a right to this assessment and your dad has a right to a carer's assessment
from this might come some home care visits, a sitter to be with your mum for a few hours, day care and respite, plus an OT to com e and look at their home to suggest aids and adaptions to help them both - ask about the carephone system as this provided my dad with an alarm button, which he wore as a pendant, and links to the landline so that an operator speaks to your mum if she presses the button and is then also able to call your dad/you/emergency services - dad also had a door sensor which triggered a call if he left the door open for more than a few seconds
if your mum has savings above £23250 she will fund any care - your dad's finances are not taken into account in a financial assessment for her care fees - and their marital home is disregarded (so there's no question of having to sell it)
you may well find something useful in the local services listing of the main AS site
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/...1181.1503062667-213745934.1462100281#!/search
I did find that when I organised day care for my dad he had to be referred by his GP or Social Services
your mum may not be too keen on any support you try to put place - maybe sneak her to a day centre, saying it's a nice place for a cuppa and cake, maybe your dad could go with her the first time, then drop her off the second, then organise transport ... - as the time is as much for your dad to recuperate and have a chance to do something he wants to do (which is really important), you may have to be 'cruel to be kind'
best wishes
PS the staff at dad's day care home were brilliant with him and the others there - they got to know him and his ways so they could distract him if he had an emotional wobble - so don't worry too much about your mum going to a center; the staff are well used to looking out for first timers and helping them settle - and, being 'hard' even if she does have a few tears, you will know that she is safe, monitored, well fed and entertained - your dad counts equally and he needs a break,
Mam's day care was in a local community centre. A group of up to 12 with 2 lovely carers who were great with her. They picked out who she'd be best sitting next to, what she enjoyed doing, got toast or a bacon/sausage sarnie when they got there, coffee and biscuits, lunch etc. Dad found it particularly helpful as it meant he could make a light dinner, knowing she'd had a good meal, less cooking for him.
I had to ring them last week to tell them mam wouldn't be coming back, she's now in a home. I was asked to let them know, now and again, how she's doing, which I found touching.
Shedrech's advice is excellent, this is how we got extra help for mam and dad.
But please, try not to worry, in my experience day care was great for mam, when she got home
I always said she was more like her old self.
Wishing you well
Xx
