caring for mum

[peterrabbit]

I care for and live with my elderly mum, my sister lives 3 hours away,
I'm told by people who know me that I do a good job, mum says so,
sister when she comes is impatient, takes over, sometimes upsets mum
and me and I feel like a paid carer. has anyone else experience like this,

 

[Whisperer]

I care for and live with my elderly mum, my sister lives 3 hours away,
I'm told by people who know me that I do a good job, mum says so,
sister when she comes is impatient, takes over, sometimes upsets mum
and me and I feel like a paid carer. has anyone else experience like this,

Hello

I have no direct experience of the above but I would suggest your sister is prone to the guilt monster. Aware how much you are doing, your mum very much appreciating your efforts, your sister feels perhaps she is failing her mother. Also how often does she visit. I must admit I am a male and not so great at house work as others might be. However the house is clean and I regard time spent with my mum is more important than the odd fluff ball. Your sister is perhaps enforcing standards which are not really appropriate. Have you spoken to her, pointed out your mother is happy, that her visits are just that visits, not daily involvement. Try to avoid becoming upset, stick to facts and expect initially a defensive reaction. Usually for whatever reason one sibling ends up doing the bulk of the caring. If others disagree what you are doing politely ask what they intend to do to help as opposed to voicing opinions, which your mother apparently does not agree with. A polite chat now would be better than an argument later when your resentment has grown to a significant degree. Ultimately you are daily in situ with your mum and her best hope of a secure, safe and loving future. Listen to what others say and do not under value what you are doing.

 

[LadyA]

^^^This^^^!
Your mum is content. And cared for. Take a bow! A person with dementia who is content is worth a lot more than a pristine house! That's not what you're there for. You're there taking care of your mum.

 

[peterrabbit]

thankyou both, I think I upset my sister this time, I didn't want her to go
back early, shes had enough with me. I feel aweful as we need to pull
together as a family. we were bickering, but it saddens me. thankyou anyway.

 

[LadyA]

Have you thought about how much you need a complete break? So I'm SURE your sister wouldn't at all mind taking over completely for a week or so, and doing everything you do, including night duty! It's a bit different, she might find, than just popping in for a visit and going off home again!

 

[Lanie222]

Lanie2221

Mums with me
Having been living near her son who as taken all her money so as his wife and family... S/ services are trying to get mum to go out to meet her son
He hates me so he won't come to our home mum finds it hard to go at most of the time
She as alzihmers arthritis in her lower back and she's going blind s/service is trying to work around my brother..... Yet there is now an investigation going on with the police
About the abuse....... Please help

 

[Lanie222]

Lanie2221

My mum doesn't retain info for long maybe 3
Mins that's all
She wants to go then not
They speak to her like muck she's not seen them since Nov 2016..
Yet now he's pulling the strings and s/service
Don't seem to care he's had all her money..
There is evedance there so we know it to be true advice any one