I am starting to dread half past four in the afternoons..........

[joanna89]

Well, it's like turning on a switch. At half past four, every afternoon, my husband starts to become argumentative, and accuses me of picking on him, and starting disputes.

He is incapable of using a gentle or kind voice whilst "sundowning" goes on. Everything he says is said in an angry, frustrated voice.

It last until he goes to bed (8 pm or earlier) and by then I am so upset that there is no way that I can relax and sleep. I get accused of holding opinions which I do not in fact hold.

It wears me out -to a point of RAGE, actually.

And then he wakes up in the morning, remembers nothing of the evening before, and is kind and gentle (even if confused and repetitive.)

Has anyone got any tips? Or even a few words of comfort. I can't sleep after all the aggravation - I am too tense.

This afternoon I asked him to help me put some medicine on the cat's neck. So he picked up the poor cat by the scruff of the neck, and held her dangling, for about twenty seconds. Cat was distressed, as was I. I kept saying, 'Put her DOWN!' but he ignored me.

Sometimes I wish the late evening could be abolished in my house.

 

[Margaret59]

Well, it's like turning on a switch. At half past four, every afternoon, my husband starts to become argumentative, and accuses me of picking on him, and starting disputes.

He is incapable of using a gentle or kind voice whilst "sundowning" goes on. Everything he says is said in an angry, frustrated voice.

It last until he goes to bed (8 pm or earlier) and by then I am so upset that there is no way that I can relax and sleep. I get accused of holding opinions which I do not in fact hold.

It wears me out -to a point of RAGE, actually.

And then he wakes up in the morning, remembers nothing of the evening before, and is kind and gentle (even if confused and repetitive.)

Has anyone got any tips? Or even a few words of comfort. I can't sleep after all the aggravation - I am too tense.

This afternoon I asked him to help me put some medicine on the cat's neck. So he picked up the poor cat by the scruff of the neck, and held her dangling, for about twenty seconds. Cat was distressed, as was I. I kept saying, 'Put her DOWN!' but he ignored me.

Sometimes I wish the late evening could be abolished in my house.

Hi Joanna,
As you can see, I'm another one who can't sleep as I get agitated and can't settle at a decent time of night.
When my OH first started having problems he used to go up to bed quite early and I would give a big sigh of relief as I was hoping I could then start to unwind. Unfortunately it didn't work like that as he would get up again and wander from bedroom to bedroom, into the bathroom, in and out of wardrobes and cupboards, and up and downstairs. He then went to sitting up later, more or less waiting for me to go up to bed. No "me time", no chilling out, no been able to unwind. I've been there too. Now I find myself sitting up later and later, into the early hours of the morning.
My OH has had his aggressive moments also. I used to ignore them at first, then I told him he wasn't been very nice and I was only trying to help him so he shouldn't speak to me like that or act in that way. Then I decided to just walk away, even for 5 mins. Sometimes if I try to distract him by changing the subject or saying that I've found something on TV that he might like he calms down.
I often sit with my headphones on and listen to music which I find relaxes me or spend time on this forum, get things off my chest and then feel a bit less uptight. Most of the time I then find I can get into bed and sleep. Not always but the majority of the time it does help. Unfortunately just not as early as I would like as depending on what kind of a day we've had and how stressed I am at night it can take a good number of hours to unwind.
Love and hugs,
Margaret59 x

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Sometimes I would give my husband a paracetamol as late as possible, and I think it helped him a little to rest better. Even now, in a care home, has mood deteriorates as the day goes on. I think it's related to the enormous effort he has to make, just to function with his poor impaired brain. His brain is tired, and he's frustrated.

 

[maryw]

My husband too becomes more agitated and irritable as the day progresses. It is hard not to let it affect you but it is so much better if you can keep things calm, accept it as the illness and not him, agree with things he says (even if you don't), distract or even walk away. It is so easy to become agitated by it all yourself and then you lose as well. So many on this forum will understand what you're saying x


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[Grannie G]

Hello joanna89

Your post brought painful memories of sundowning and although any tip I offer is unlikely to work you can have as many words of comfort as I have.

My husband used to pack up to go home every day when sundowning and it went of for months. Even though I hid suitcases in the garage he would get any plastic bags he could find and fill them with clothes and keepsakes.

During this period there was nothing I could do to stop him so I didn`t try.

When he`d finished he was too exhausted to go anywhere so left all the bags saying he would go `tomorrow`.

Once he was asleep I would put everything back in place and when he woke it was all over.

The only thing I didn`t try was paracetamol. I didn`t think of it and it wasn`t suggested. You have nothing to lose by trying it , if your husband will take it, and i hope it helps.

 

[marionq]

For a long time I used Zopiclone for my husband but more recently I too have been using paracetamol instead. It does seem to help by giving a more relaxed sleep. Two tablets or at times a dose of night nurse which has paracetamol and an anti histamine are fine. I spoke to his doctor about it and he said it would do no harm.

The sundowning which plagued us for a long time needed Trazadone to calm him down. It seems to suit John and makes him manageable without stupefying him.

 

[joanna89]

I don't feel so alone now.

Hi Joanna,
As you can see, I'm another one who can't sleep as I get agitated and can't settle at a decent time of night.
When my OH first started having problems he used to go up to bed quite early and I would give a big sigh of relief as I was hoping I could then start to unwind. Unfortunately it didn't work like that as he would get up again and wander from bedroom to bedroom, into the bathroom, in and out of wardrobes and cupboards, and up and downstairs. He then went to sitting up later, more or less waiting for me to go up to bed. No "me time", no chilling out, no been able to unwind. I've been there too. Now I find myself sitting up later and later, into the early hours of the morning.
My OH has had his aggressive moments also. I used to ignore them at first, then I told him he wasn't been very nice and I was only trying to help him so he shouldn't speak to me like that or act in that way. Then I decided to just walk away, even for 5 mins. Sometimes if I try to distract him by changing the subject or saying that I've found something on TV that he might like he calms down.
I often sit with my headphones on and listen to music which I find relaxes me or spend time on this forum, get things off my chest and then feel a bit less uptight. Most of the time I then find I can get into bed and sleep. Not always but the majority of the time it does help. Unfortunately just not as early as I would like as depending on what kind of a day we've had and how stressed I am at night it can take a good number of hours to unwind.
Love and hugs,
Margaret59 x

Thank you so much - your situation sounds very like mine. I do hope you and I will get more sleep soon. Best wishes, Joanna

 

[rosy18]

Hi Joanna89
I really do feel for you. For months my stomach would turn over at around 4pm when my Mum would get angry banging on windows and doors saying nasty things to me and all in all just a terrible ordeal. My GP put Mum on 100mg of Trazadone 50mg at 12 noon and 50mg at 4pm and it calmed Mum so that now each day she will just ask to go home but will be pacified quite easily no more or only little agitation thankfully.
I do hope you might find something that helps.xx

 

[AlsoConfused]

Please ask for a medication review from the GP and mental health nurse / psychiatrist to see whether the sundowning problems can be reduced. "Tweaking" Mum's medication helped. Mum remained alert and reasonably well but a lot of the instant fury and aggression ceased.

 

[Margaret59]

Thank you so much - your situation sounds very like mine. I do hope you and I will get more sleep soon. Best wishes, Joanna

Hi Joanna,
I hope you managed to get a sleep. I had a rotten sleep again, tossed and turned and had the strangest thoughts going through my head. Typical isn't it doing all the worrying when you should be sleeping. Yes sleep would be good!!

My OH is still sat in the chair, I'm so tense I've got a headache. Had quite a good day apart from the constant repetitive questions. I finally managed to get to the end of a one hour documentary after nearly 3 hours of pausing and starting again.Even though I had my headphones in I could still here him asking me about things and I kept taking them off to reply.

I actually started this message well over an hour ago. Have finally managed to get OH to go to bed and the time is just after 1.30 in the morning.
Will give him time to settle and then head up too.

I hope you haven't had too bad a day. It's so hard to take all the ranting and aggression isn't it? My OH would never have spoken to me the way he does now. That was actually one of a number of changes that I had noticed in him over the last year or so. At one point I had been ready to say enough is enough and just pack up and go as I was becoming very upset and distressed. Now I realise it is the illness that makes him like that.
I often wonder what would have become of him if I hadn't been here. Thank goodness I found the strength to stay !!
Sleep well,
Love and hugs, Margaret x