Dear Grandma

[HariboGiggles]

Dear Grandma,

Yesterday I cried. A lot. You have taken another step away from us and it hurts more and more the further away you go. I know it's not your fault. I know you are scared too. And I know you would still want to be close to us as well, nut that's what happens. And no one can stop it.

I have cried in the past, of course I have. The early times when you would repeat the same conversation over and over. We put it down to old age to begin with. Maybe things would be different if we had saw these signs differently. I cried again, when it got worse and you had trouble recognising me and forgetting my name. My heart broke each and every time you though I was one of my mums friends. And I cried again yesterday when you were admitted to hospital for trying to escape the place you now call home.

You will be moving into a home soon. I cried at this as well. I know it is necessary. You are living with my Aunt but can't care for you anymore. And I don't blame her, even though she blames herself. I couldn't deal with the heartbreak each and every day.

I had selfishly put all these feelings into a tiny box, and placed that box into a maze in my mind, hoping I wouldn't have to deal with them. It worked. For a bit. When I don't think about you or the situation we find ourselves in, it's easy to forget. It's easy to remember you as the larger than life lady. The cool grandma that did Apple Sourz shots with us. Now, you are a frightened, frail creature that is a shadow of your former self.

I will try to deal with this better going forward. And I will try to visit more often, I just need to find some armor for my heart first.

Love you lots, as always.

 

[lemonjuice]

Beautiful sentiments and ones which many people will identify with whether their LO is a spouse, parent or grand-parent.

I actually think it's one of the most terrible diseases to watch, even worse than cancer, as with other diseases they keep their 'essence' until very late in the disease whilst with dementia we 'lose them' long, long before their body gives out.

 

[Julia B]

that's lovely, what a treasure you are x

 

[Grannie G]

Hello HariboGiggles

I`m a Grandma too, fortunately a healthy Grandma , and my eyes filled reading your post.

 

[HariboGiggles]

Thank you for your lovely replies.

I think it's safe to say I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday, and sobbed into my husbands shoulder for the best part of half an hour!

It's awful, I don't want to burden him with my boohoos. He had no idea how I'm feeling, all he can say/do is pay me on the back and say "there there" (ok, it's not quite THAT condescending, but you get the picture!)

I need a place for my boohoos where others can boohoo with me...sometimes all you need is someone to cry with you...


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Rosnpton]

That was beautifully written,and reflects what a lot of people on tp feel and experience.
Your gran is lucky to have you.
Take care of yourself so you are able to help support her when she does move
Thinking of you
Ros

 

[Quakeroat1]

Well written but if it was me I would say forget when u can and just get on with your life. I want my family to do that because there will come a time when crying at the bottom of my bed will not change a thing.
I think u show deep feeling for your gran but make her proud and conquer all that life throws at u ...that way u won't be adding to the loss your family are already suffering.
All the best Haribo keep on loving tho.

 

[Jessbow]

did you hear the young lad sing about his Grandma on BGT?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1b4Mcza4dw0

 

[HariboGiggles]

Yes! He is such an inspiration and is so brave to do it!

 

[mab]

I have 5 grandchildren and if just one of them thought about me in those terms I would know how very well blessed I was.
She has gifted you empathy and love. How proud she must be. x

 

[Babymare01]

Typing through tears. What beautiful heart felt words. You are a beautiful caring person and your Grandma will know your love for her.

Big big hugs xxx