Hi
This is my first post. I am caring for my mum as best I can. I work full time and need to work as I while I have a partner, I am the primary wage earner. I am also an only child. I have a long commute to work, at least four hours, but go to see my mum as much as I can in the week. I am the carer at weekends. I also do all the unseen stuff, hospital visits, organising carers for the week, looking after her house and finances and all the endless 'sorting stuff out' which seems to go unmentioned when people talk about caring. My mum has a fantastic carer, topped up by Age UK carers so she has someone going in twice a week. She is not too bad in many ways, she knows who everyone is, she sort of dresses herself but wouldn't make a sandwich, often forgets pants etc.
It goes without saying that I love my funny, eccentric, difficult mother dearly but I am struggling. I have raised three kids as a single parent and I have worked hard to get a phd at the same time. I have a job in higher education that I am lucky to have (although it is now threatened by possible redundancy). I don't want to give up my job, I want to have some sort of life. Is that so terrible? I can't go out for the day or go away for a weekend - at least not without enormous anxiety and guilt and organisation and even then it is often cut short by endless crises. So many people on here have given up work and devote themselves to parents with dementia - I feel so guilty at not wanting to be one of them. As it is I feel my life is totally constrained and am struggling not to get depressed. I'm sure this is a familiar story.
This is my first post. I am caring for my mum as best I can. I work full time and need to work as I while I have a partner, I am the primary wage earner. I am also an only child. I have a long commute to work, at least four hours, but go to see my mum as much as I can in the week. I am the carer at weekends. I also do all the unseen stuff, hospital visits, organising carers for the week, looking after her house and finances and all the endless 'sorting stuff out' which seems to go unmentioned when people talk about caring. My mum has a fantastic carer, topped up by Age UK carers so she has someone going in twice a week. She is not too bad in many ways, she knows who everyone is, she sort of dresses herself but wouldn't make a sandwich, often forgets pants etc.
It goes without saying that I love my funny, eccentric, difficult mother dearly but I am struggling. I have raised three kids as a single parent and I have worked hard to get a phd at the same time. I have a job in higher education that I am lucky to have (although it is now threatened by possible redundancy). I don't want to give up my job, I want to have some sort of life. Is that so terrible? I can't go out for the day or go away for a weekend - at least not without enormous anxiety and guilt and organisation and even then it is often cut short by endless crises. So many people on here have given up work and devote themselves to parents with dementia - I feel so guilty at not wanting to be one of them. As it is I feel my life is totally constrained and am struggling not to get depressed. I'm sure this is a familiar story.