This is my first post. Last year I moved more than 200 miles to look after my mother (in her 80s) who is developing dementia and couldn't manage paperwork, cooking, shopping, washing-up etc. I was getting exhausted making frequent trips responding to crises (e.g. she'd had a fall; her dog died; all her money and cards had been stolen - not) and sorting things out for her. I'd had to give up full-time work to do this. She was in agreement with me moving to live closer to her, and I documented for her our discussions and the reasoning behind this decision.
But once I was living close by and visiting her every day, she became suspicious and hostile towards me, influenced by a couple of acquaintances who don't know me, who thought my motives were questionable. I can't emphasise enough how unhelpful it is when people take at face value what my mother tells them and then feed it back to her and so reinforce the delusional thinking.
She kept threatening to revoke the PoA and ordering me to pack my bags and go home, usually while we were eating a meal I'd just spent an hour preparing for her. So after six months I've just moved back to my home and my husband (who's been a saint for putting up with all of this). I have a recording of what she said to me the day I decided I had to leave.
Her hostess mode is very convincing to people who don't know her well. She has had a brain scan but hasn't yet been given a diagnosis of dementia (although at least two professionals have told me she definitely has it, probably vascular dementia).
Anyway, my main concern now is the solicitor who has emailed me saying he's been calling her every day for a fortnight since I left, which I think is very odd. He understands from her that there's been a complete breakdown in communication (which there hasn't, we are still in touch by phone) and he's been talking to her about drawing up a new PoA and changing her attorneys (my brother is the other one and has supported me in everything I have done). My brother and I have responded saying that we think it would be unwise of him to take instructions from someone with dementia who is showing the classic signs of paranoia towards their closest carer. But I am worried he might continue to take advantage and appoint himself perhaps as her sole attorney. This is the same solicitor that we approached in February to ask him to register the Enduring PoA with the Office of the Public Guardian, because we were concerned that our mother was losing capacity, and he just sat on it, and now he's approached my mother and fuelled her demented thoughts that I'm not to be trusted. Which is ridiculous after what I went through with the sole purpose of helping her continue to live independently in her own home.
But once I was living close by and visiting her every day, she became suspicious and hostile towards me, influenced by a couple of acquaintances who don't know me, who thought my motives were questionable. I can't emphasise enough how unhelpful it is when people take at face value what my mother tells them and then feed it back to her and so reinforce the delusional thinking.
She kept threatening to revoke the PoA and ordering me to pack my bags and go home, usually while we were eating a meal I'd just spent an hour preparing for her. So after six months I've just moved back to my home and my husband (who's been a saint for putting up with all of this). I have a recording of what she said to me the day I decided I had to leave.
Her hostess mode is very convincing to people who don't know her well. She has had a brain scan but hasn't yet been given a diagnosis of dementia (although at least two professionals have told me she definitely has it, probably vascular dementia).
Anyway, my main concern now is the solicitor who has emailed me saying he's been calling her every day for a fortnight since I left, which I think is very odd. He understands from her that there's been a complete breakdown in communication (which there hasn't, we are still in touch by phone) and he's been talking to her about drawing up a new PoA and changing her attorneys (my brother is the other one and has supported me in everything I have done). My brother and I have responded saying that we think it would be unwise of him to take instructions from someone with dementia who is showing the classic signs of paranoia towards their closest carer. But I am worried he might continue to take advantage and appoint himself perhaps as her sole attorney. This is the same solicitor that we approached in February to ask him to register the Enduring PoA with the Office of the Public Guardian, because we were concerned that our mother was losing capacity, and he just sat on it, and now he's approached my mother and fuelled her demented thoughts that I'm not to be trusted. Which is ridiculous after what I went through with the sole purpose of helping her continue to live independently in her own home.
