I need respite

[Alicenutter]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to 'sell' the idea of respite to my physically fit husband? I think I am in danger of burning out. He has FTD, and gets extremely angry if anyone suggests there is anything wrong with him. We have recently settled definitively in Massachusetts, and I am trying to put some daily support into place, but I really, really need a break from 24/7 caregiving, which I have been doing for a year now. There are members of my husband's family nearby, who are concerned, but we have lived abroad for 27 years and are not very close to them. There are facilities which offer respite care, but I cannot see how to persuade him to go. He is very dependent on me, and is reluctant to let me out of his sight. He can be aggressive - verbally on a daily basis, and physically occasionally. He can also be very loving. And he is deeply bored.... I 'd love to have a 2 week break, but at the moment just 2 nights would help.


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[marionq]

Alice is it possible for you to start with just single day care until he gets used to the set up. Some day care places also do long term stays so get some info on what's available. You could sell the original visit as a break for him while you keep a boring hospital appointment or similar. My husband has certainly got used to me turning up to collect him and chatting to the people around him and staff.

When I took him for two weeks respite he just fitted in as far as I am aware.

 

[pamann]

Hello Alice, when my husband went in the CH for respite l didn't tell him thats were he was going, l told him we were going to a hotel for coffee, which we often did. When we arrived he didn't know where he was we went in had a coffee, l went to the toilet, and left him there, they didn't know how l had looked after him on my own, he is still there one year later. I am not suggesting you do the same, but don't mention respite, just get him there, then collect him in 2wks. You need the rest.

 

[Pollyanna153]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to 'sell' the idea of respite to my physically fit husband? I think I am in danger of burning out. He has FTD, and gets extremely angry if anyone suggests there is anything wrong with him. We have recently settled definitively in Massachusetts, and I am trying to put some daily support into place, but I really, really need a break from 24/7 caregiving, which I have been doing for a year now. There are members of my husband's family nearby, who are concerned, but we have lived abroad for 27 years and are not very close to them. There are facilities which offer respite care, but I cannot see how to persuade him to go. He is very dependent on me, and is reluctant to let me out of his sight. He can be aggressive - verbally on a daily basis, and physically occasionally. He can also be very loving. And he is deeply bored.... I 'd love to have a 2 week break, but at the moment just 2 nights would help.


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I have a husband with Ftd it is very hard as thy understand a lot if what going on
I had to sort two weeks respite for him but something happened and I had to make it permanent he doesn't know that they keep saying a few more months
I asked him to go so I could go away with my sister and as he got dementia I would get into trouble if I left him On his own
The day he went in I said he had to go to the place to see the doctor there I just left him there it nearly killed me
I seen him later in the day and he said he not seen a doctor
I told him they wanted him to stay overnight and showed him to his room
He been there five months now he doesn't understand time like he used
It is very tough n matter what you do it Came to a point. Couldn't sleep was losing weight
Crying all the time he was having hallucinations plus hearing things and saying I shouting at him
It is a very cruel disease my heart goes out to you if you want to chat to me just send me a message
It is so hard I am still going through the guilt etc crying
It getting a little easier with coping but good days and bad days must say tomorrow another day and his mood can change

 

[jikkie]

I'm afraid I am not selling it. We visited a day care centre, and thankfully my OH is always good with people helping, tends to think they are all medical people....

So 2 days a week daycare is on its way to being arranged.

Actually today, i let him see i was in a bit of a state, and I managed to explain that for us to "go on", then I needed a break, and I think he could understand that.

Mind you, havent got to the point yet... We shall see what happens. Actually I think the hardest parts will be getting him up and ready early enough, and then coping with the "bad behaviour" fall out in the evening and following night, which i suspect will be a bit grim. But I have to start with getting help somewhere, that's my view. I am also aware of the inevitability of the downward slope.... so even if it makes life harder, I feel it has to be done.

I know they have to "go along with it", but equally I dont think that we as carers should seek their approval before starting to make some respite arrangements.

 

[Aisling]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to 'sell' the idea of respite to my physically fit husband? I think I am in danger of burning out. He has FTD, and gets extremely angry if anyone suggests there is anything wrong with him. We have recently settled definitively in Massachusetts, and I am trying to put some daily support into place, but I really, really need a break from 24/7 caregiving, which I have been doing for a year now. There are members of my husband's family nearby, who are concerned, but we have lived abroad for 27 years and are not very close to them. There are facilities which offer respite care, but I cannot see how to persuade him to go. He is very dependent on me, and is reluctant to let me out of his sight. He can be aggressive - verbally on a daily basis, and physically occasionally. He can also be very loving. And he is deeply bored.... I 'd love to have a 2 week break, but at the moment just 2 nights would help.


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Am just wondering could his doctor recommend respite for him just to check out things for him? Then it is on the doctor's advice not your advice!
Virtual hugs,
Aisling xx