Dad arrived at funeral parlour yesterday, we asked for it to be a closed coffin. When dad died we were with him for 3 hours after and at approx 5 something stone I don't want to see him in that state and probably looking a funny colour. He went yellowish after he died a week and half ago. So mum and I are sitting there with him in a coffin, and I can just imagine him lying in there and I can't say that I want to. I just hope wherever he is and I don't know if you live on elsewhere or what, but if you do I hope his brain is back to normal. Tomorrow is that last day I can go visit him, as Friday he will turn to ashes and his body will be no longer. Dread the hearse turning up at mums house, makes it seem all the more final which is crazy as he is already dead. Can't get more final!! Don't know why I have wrote this, blabbering on!
Dad's funeral Friday. At Chapel of Rest
- Thread starter Red66
- Start date
You wrote it because you needed to get it out. Writing things out can be very therapeutic.
I hope Friday goes how you want it to.
I hope Friday goes how you want it to.
Hun you "Blabber" away because we are all here to listen, understand and support you.
Ok in body your Dad may not be with you but in your heart and in your mind he will always be close to you.
Thinking of you and your family at this very sad time xx
Ok in body your Dad may not be with you but in your heart and in your mind he will always be close to you.
Thinking of you and your family at this very sad time xx
Seems more real today, funeral director is coming to the house to go through tomorrow. What's upsetting me most is Dad is still here, well in body, he is in the Chapel of Rest, but tomorrow he will be dust, and that's a killer. Feel really down today but have to put on a brave face for Mum.
I hope you will find the funeral gives you a degree of closure. I know it did for me. I'm always surprised at how much laughter there is at the gathering afterwards. Use it as an opportunity to celebrate his life and the legacy he has left....you and your family.
Wishing you well.
Wishing you well.
Red66 iv been thinking about you this wk and remembering my mams end (although not the same she had lung cancer not dm) I was wondering how you were getting through this wk so to read your 'babble' was reasuring my mam used to reassure us that she was the veichale to carry her sole and when she left to go to were ever we goto she said that she would live on in our hearts our memories but most importantly was we were part of her so we should live life full
I didn't find closers at the funeral I have to say but we did do lots of laughing at her funeral party (for want of a better word ) we had the biggest laugh when it came to the funeral car leaving the crem and woopsy it wouldn't start it had conked out and we had to flag down relatives for a lift
I found a little closer once my mams ashes came home then after several yrs she came to my garden to live in a beautiful bird drinking table we put her there as she loved the garden and LOVED a party and a drink so as we have lots of party's in my garden that's were she is
I think you being strong for your mam is what will carry you through the next few days but be gentle to yourself as grief is a hard journey xx
I didn't find closers at the funeral I have to say but we did do lots of laughing at her funeral party (for want of a better word ) we had the biggest laugh when it came to the funeral car leaving the crem and woopsy it wouldn't start it had conked out and we had to flag down relatives for a lift
I found a little closer once my mams ashes came home then after several yrs she came to my garden to live in a beautiful bird drinking table we put her there as she loved the garden and LOVED a party and a drink so as we have lots of party's in my garden that's were she is
I think you being strong for your mam is what will carry you through the next few days but be gentle to yourself as grief is a hard journey xx
Dad's body is just that now....an empty body that he does not need anymore. The bit that made Dad who and what he is....his spirit - his love - his sense of humour - that will always live on in you, and in your hearts and minds. Dad only had Alzheimers' for a small part of his life...... but he had you for the whole of your life.
Don't think of his coffin holding him....he is not here, you can't touch him, nothing can hurt him now. But you can remember the fun, loving special person who was your Dad. Say thank you to him, tell him you will never forget him, accept that he is not suffering anymore..... and grieve for your loss.... but you can always love him........ he is part of you.
Love Maureen.x
Don't think of his coffin holding him....he is not here, you can't touch him, nothing can hurt him now. But you can remember the fun, loving special person who was your Dad. Say thank you to him, tell him you will never forget him, accept that he is not suffering anymore..... and grieve for your loss.... but you can always love him........ he is part of you.
Love Maureen.x
Thank you so much for your words and taking the time for me. That means a lot. I want to celebrate his life with my speech. Hopefully I will find the courage to deliver it without crying. Lots of people have said that he was good man, a gentleman and always very smart. I feel very proud of him! Hopefully he will be proud of me, he was a star my dad. My pal.
Hi Red,
I'm so so sorry for your loss. You've been through such a difficult time.
Tomorrow it will be 6 weeks since my mum died. I miss her so much every day.
If it helps at all, I was dreading the funeral but somehow found strength to get through it and it was a good day. A great send off for her and so lovely to be surrounded by family, friends and loved ones.
Good on you for writing your thoughts. As others have said we're all here to help and support and for help and support.
I hope tomorrow goes just how you want it to, and that you find some peace from it.
Stay strong, but take the time you need to grieve. I'm still in the process and feel so lost sometimes in these unchartered waters but hoping time will help heal.
Sending hugs and strength you way xx
I'm so so sorry for your loss. You've been through such a difficult time.
Tomorrow it will be 6 weeks since my mum died. I miss her so much every day.
If it helps at all, I was dreading the funeral but somehow found strength to get through it and it was a good day. A great send off for her and so lovely to be surrounded by family, friends and loved ones.
Good on you for writing your thoughts. As others have said we're all here to help and support and for help and support.
I hope tomorrow goes just how you want it to, and that you find some peace from it.
Stay strong, but take the time you need to grieve. I'm still in the process and feel so lost sometimes in these unchartered waters but hoping time will help heal.
Sending hugs and strength you way xx
PS I also meant to say that all these feelings you are having, about your dad's body, the cremation etc, I felt exactly the same. I could have written your words myself.
For me, it was ok in the end and I handled much better than I thought I would. I hope it's the same for you.
For me, it was ok in the end and I handled much better than I thought I would. I hope it's the same for you.
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A poem for you Red66, it helped me so much and was part of the funeral service for my husband who died in March.
" He is Gone'
You can shed tears that he has gone,
Or you can smile because he lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
Or you can be full of the love that you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he is gone,
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want,
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
Hope it helps a little and tomorrow, though it seems daunting now, it will pass, you will be carried along and at the end of the day, you will think, yes, that was how I wanted it and be proud that you achieved it.
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Thank you Auski and what a beautiful poem jaymor. I have no doubt that this is a different experience for a child parent relationship or a husband/wife. I have been with my husband for 13 years and my parents have been together 4 times that amount. It's horrible to watch my Mum as she is the one now suffering. Thank goodness for my little ones as they bring joy to her eyes, like she forgets for a moment. Yet it doesn't take too long to remember. I know you will all understand this. Went to visit Dad earlier with my Mum and going to go shortly with my husband. The only comfort is Dad is no longer suffering. Thank you all for listening to me, I appreciate it xx
Hi red66, sending you and your family much love and support. It's one of the hardest things you ever have to do, but remember, just close your eyes and your dear Dad will be there, laughing, joking, just the way he was before this horrible illness took him. Much light, and peace to you all on this journey. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Red, you're nearly there. Wishing for you that tomorro goes well.. Or as well as these things can go. It's to honour your dad's life, celebrate his love for your family, his love for your mum. But for you, it will be about You and your dad❤️️ that's not selfish, it's important- your memories and love for him. I wore one of my mum's rings thru her service, sat and spun it round my finger whenever I was about to break down. I know you will do your parents proud, how could you not, being the caring, loving person you so obviously are. Thinking of u, tonight and tomorrow. Xxx
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Thank you so so much for your kind words. Hard day to day, hopefully after I have seen the hearse I can pull myself together. Dad's the important one here and only I can deliver this speech, my older brother (45) said that he couldn't do it, so it's down to me. Tell everyone about my dad's wonderful life and let them know how he was a special person. Thanks guys xx
Thinking of you today. You will find the strength to speak about your wonderful dad but if those tears fall so be it.
Virtual hug and my thoughts with you all today xx
Virtual hug and my thoughts with you all today xx
