Can you fake it?
- Thread starter Pinay13
- Start date
Hi Pinay13
I guess you are concerned about your MIL?
Any human behaviour can be faked - or actors wouldn't be at all convincing - BUT actors don't play their parts 24 hours a day - and to fake dementia someone would have to have a deep understanding of the various presentations AND be able to sustain the behaviour all day, every day - I'd imagine someone would have to have a mighty motive to even consider attempting this
if you mean are behaviours consistent? not necessarily, especially in early stages
and there is something TPers call "hostess mode" when someone with dementia is able to summon up the energy for a short while to appear as their 'old' selves - this can fool visitors and even medics who don't see the fall out afterwards when the person is tired and the confusion returns
and different types of dementia present in different ways, which is why diagnosis isn't only about taking a 'memory' test
and there are other medical problems that have some similar symptoms to dementia eg stress, B12 deficiency
it's not at all unusual for the person to refuse to see a GP because to them nothing is wrong
all this is why lizzybean and Izzy suggest you give us some context, if you can
I guess you are concerned about your MIL?
Any human behaviour can be faked - or actors wouldn't be at all convincing - BUT actors don't play their parts 24 hours a day - and to fake dementia someone would have to have a deep understanding of the various presentations AND be able to sustain the behaviour all day, every day - I'd imagine someone would have to have a mighty motive to even consider attempting this
if you mean are behaviours consistent? not necessarily, especially in early stages
and there is something TPers call "hostess mode" when someone with dementia is able to summon up the energy for a short while to appear as their 'old' selves - this can fool visitors and even medics who don't see the fall out afterwards when the person is tired and the confusion returns
and different types of dementia present in different ways, which is why diagnosis isn't only about taking a 'memory' test
and there are other medical problems that have some similar symptoms to dementia eg stress, B12 deficiency
it's not at all unusual for the person to refuse to see a GP because to them nothing is wrong
all this is why lizzybean and Izzy suggest you give us some context, if you can
Everything can be faked. However, dementia is so variable, and can be intermittent. People often mention 'hostessing', i.e. behaving very well in front of visitors of professionals, and not at all in front of family and friends. it is part of the illness, or rather a part of the person's response to their illness, trying to hold it all together.
I remember a man who was found guilty of serious fraud, who was released from prison as he had dementia. However he made a 'remarkable recovery' once back home. Ho Ho. I thought, however it is possible that he did have early dementia which was made much worse by the change in circumstances and he did appear better once out. Or else he was a crook and a good actor. who knows?
I remember a man who was found guilty of serious fraud, who was released from prison as he had dementia. However he made a 'remarkable recovery' once back home. Ho Ho. I thought, however it is possible that he did have early dementia which was made much worse by the change in circumstances and he did appear better once out. Or else he was a crook and a good actor. who knows?
Almost anything can be faked or played up to seem worse than it is.
But often with dementia patients it is the way the illness is they can seem fine one moment or in one situation and totally lost the next.
My MIL could welcome people make them tea read the news headlines and make converstation about it but she was on a 15 minute loop after that time she would read the paper again and make the same comment ask the same question and have no recollection of anything that had passed only 15 minutes before.
My OH seems almost fine indoors but if he goes anywhere else he becomes quite easily confused and once he is out of familiar routine every aspect of the illness seems to be exagerrated.
But often with dementia patients it is the way the illness is they can seem fine one moment or in one situation and totally lost the next.
My MIL could welcome people make them tea read the news headlines and make converstation about it but she was on a 15 minute loop after that time she would read the paper again and make the same comment ask the same question and have no recollection of anything that had passed only 15 minutes before.
My OH seems almost fine indoors but if he goes anywhere else he becomes quite easily confused and once he is out of familiar routine every aspect of the illness seems to be exagerrated.
Not sure if she has it
We took in my mother in law after her husband died last sept 2015. She claims she has dementia. She always say she has dementia. And whatever she does she would say we have to be patient with her because she cant help it her mind is not working she got it from her dad blah blah blah. We argued one time and i told her that people who forget they dont know that they forget. I asked my husband if they got her tested or if she was officially diagnosed and he cant give me a clear answer. I know they all just assumed she has it. I tried to read all i can read about it and i cant find the symptoms in her.
She can use the phone she can cook frozen dinner and follow microwave instructions. She can remember her appointments. She can read and understand what shes reading. She can put up the dishes in the right place at the cabinet drawers. She can shower and floss. She is mindful of stains in her clothes and how her toos and pants matches. She does her hair puts on make up and wear jewelry.
Except for the fact that everything she does she always say she has dementia.
Oh and she plays uno, yahtzee and spade with us!
The only symptom i see in her is she keeps repeating asking the same question. That always lead to her saying she has dementia.
We took in my mother in law after her husband died last sept 2015. She claims she has dementia. She always say she has dementia. And whatever she does she would say we have to be patient with her because she cant help it her mind is not working she got it from her dad blah blah blah. We argued one time and i told her that people who forget they dont know that they forget. I asked my husband if they got her tested or if she was officially diagnosed and he cant give me a clear answer. I know they all just assumed she has it. I tried to read all i can read about it and i cant find the symptoms in her.
She can use the phone she can cook frozen dinner and follow microwave instructions. She can remember her appointments. She can read and understand what shes reading. She can put up the dishes in the right place at the cabinet drawers. She can shower and floss. She is mindful of stains in her clothes and how her toos and pants matches. She does her hair puts on make up and wear jewelry.
Except for the fact that everything she does she always say she has dementia.
Oh and she plays uno, yahtzee and spade with us!
The only symptom i see in her is she keeps repeating asking the same question. That always lead to her saying she has dementia.
Wow. If she does, it is remarkably early stage! How frustrating and annoying for you. I think that she can pay those card games etc is an indication her brain works well enough.
I don't know whether your mother-in-law is faking it, but I know that when I first noticed that there was something wrong with my mam, she'd noticed it too. She knew she wasn't her normal self, and would say she couldn't believe the way she had changed.
At the time, I was comforted, thinking that she couldn't possibly have dementia because she knew she had changed. I too believed that if she had dementia, she wouldn't be aware of the changes that were happening. But, sadly, she was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
Perhaps your MiL is in the very early stages?
At the time, I was comforted, thinking that she couldn't possibly have dementia because she knew she had changed. I too believed that if she had dementia, she wouldn't be aware of the changes that were happening. But, sadly, she was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
Perhaps your MiL is in the very early stages?
I know right. Im trying to be really patient but she gets to my nerves sometimes. Always apologizing, every little thing she does always lead to her saying because she has dementia
Her husband of 59 yrs just died. She was a full time housewife all her life. Now she wants all of my husband's, her son's, attention all for herself. She would be walking straight but when my husband sees her she would suddenly be hurting so bad. Even her voice would seem like shes in so much pain when she talks to my husband but shes normal voice when she talks with me and my daughter. I told my husband if we put a video camera he would see what shes doing and he would find it really ridiculous
My symptoms started 7 years ago and as CG describes with her Mam, I knew something was very wrong and had experience of caring for people with dementia in a personal and professional capacity. What people don't understand is you don't necessarily lose all of your skills overnight or all of the time, so it can readily appear to others that nothing is wrong. I can do lots of things, I have to, I live alone, but there are many things I can no longer do consistently. I do think though that being in an environment with others, loving friends and/or family does help maintain some skills not least because when you can't 'think' what to do any longer you can copy and watch what someone else is doing and take a lead from that. I am 'better' if a friend stays but my symptoms remain. It has been a very hard road to be listened to and understood and get the help that I need to function in any way on a daily basis and it would/does distress me very much if I thought people thought I was 'faking' it. Family members are those who should be able to recognize something is 'wrong' even if they can't pinpoint what it is.
Best wishes
Sue
Best wishes
Sue
She took care of her father who had dementia. So she knows all the symptoms. She would ask over and over what day it is. But she can keep up with her appointments and she knows the dates when someone would say they would visit her. She knows and remembers eveything that happens around her. She never misplace things. She can recognize people and tell who is in the pictures when we look at her albums. So aside from her saying she has dementia because her father had it, theres really no symptom. Sometimes she ask the same question over and over. Then would apologize and say oh you all know i have dementia.
Pinay13, if you do not believe it is real and only want to argue with every point put forward here, why bother?
I am quite well and clear enough today to 'feel' the frustration in your words but tomorrow may well not be able to read or understand a single word. I just hope that when I come round all will have been a horrible dream and I was 'just faking'.
wayne
I am quite well and clear enough today to 'feel' the frustration in your words but tomorrow may well not be able to read or understand a single word. I just hope that when I come round all will have been a horrible dream and I was 'just faking'.
wayne
My symptoms started 7 years ago and as CG describes with her Mam, I knew something was very wrong and had experience of caring for people with dementia in a personal and professional capacity. What people don't understand is you don't necessarily lose all of your skills overnight or all of the time, so it can readily appear to others that nothing is wrong. I can do lots of things, I have to, I live alone, but there are many things I can no longer do consistently. I do think though that being in an environment with others, loving friends and/or family does help maintain some skills not least because when you can't 'think' what to do any longer you can copy and watch what someone else is doing and take a lead from that. I am 'better' if a friend stays but my symptoms remain. It has been a very hard road to be listened to and understood and get the help that I need to function in any way on a daily basis and it would/does distress me very much if I thought people thought I was 'faking' it. Family members are those who should be able to recognize something is 'wrong' even if they can't pinpoint what it is.
Best wishes
Sue
My mom died of breast cancer at the time i was busy finishing my college course. That was my biggest frustration in my life. My mom and i were never close. We never i love you each other. So when i met my mother in law i felt loved and for the first time i was hugged and told i love you. I love her. She is sweet and i thought she accepted me. They are whites. Americans. I AM ASIAN. Filipino. I married her son. And he took us, me and my daughter from my ex, took us here in the united states. I was overwhelmed with the cultural shocks. Old people living on their own. We Filipinos take care of our old folks. We spend for them. From where i come from you can never find an old person living alone. So it bothers me so much that my husbands mom lives alone after her husband died. Thats mind blowing for me. So i was the one who insisted that we take her in. But i did not know what i was in for. She claims she has dementia and would always comment in anything we say or do. One time she told me we are different and maybe thats the way we were raised. Im trying to be patient. I do her laundry and i cook for her. She had back surgery so she say she always hurt her feet her back. She said shes tired of sitting around and we need to give her something to do. I keep telling her this is her house she can do anything she wants. She sees mess and wont clean it up but when i clean up she would say she cleaned it up already and why am i cleaning it again she say i think shes a very dirty person. I felt like she is always in competition with me. I have a full time job. I work first shift my husband works second. I used to wait for my husband so i can have a kiss and a short talk about our day before i go to bed. She would wait for him and race with me and tell him how shes hurting and sometimes would even make up stories. My husband comes home from work tired. I want to make a happy conversation and ask about his day. Not stress him more with complaints and pain he cant do anything about. I love my husband. I want to take care of her mom. But this dementia claim is making me feel like shes just putting it on and i also feel bad about thinking that way
I think I see what is happening. My husband took over the responsibility for his handicapped sister after she retired at 64. She had always lived with a family member but I got her a sheltered flat. John took looking after her very seriously and indulged her behaviour which was quite like your MIL. She would insist on sitting next to him, would feed him sweets if I went out of the room, pretend to be unable to do things so he would dance attention on her. It was all very childish but very irritating.
I simply went my own way and let them get on with it and that was good for me but damaging to our marriage. I had no choice though as he could not see how manipulative she was and I think he enjoyed being important just like a new career.
Call your MILs bluff and insist on an assessment from her GP.
I simply went my own way and let them get on with it and that was good for me but damaging to our marriage. I had no choice though as he could not see how manipulative she was and I think he enjoyed being important just like a new career.
Call your MILs bluff and insist on an assessment from her GP.
I think what you describe are all symptoms of dementia. Keep posting and you will get help and support here to understand. No-one knows what they're letting themselves in for, it's a tough path.
Take care
Sue
Change the word 'dementia' to 'headache' and it sounds like someone having a 'get out of jail free' card. A permanent excuse. This might be what gets to you!
It sounds like your bereaved and dislocated MiL is, at the very least, a bit attention seeking and trying to find a role and place in her new situation. She may or may not have early dementia. That may not be the issue. The issue may be how you manage the new situation, having her with you.
You could try a serious discussion with her about her belief she has dementia. Is she anxious about it? Would she like advice or medication? Or indeed bereavement counselling.
And then some work with your husband and yourself on how to manage the situation so that you do not feel so frustrated and put upon.
It sounds like your bereaved and dislocated MiL is, at the very least, a bit attention seeking and trying to find a role and place in her new situation. She may or may not have early dementia. That may not be the issue. The issue may be how you manage the new situation, having her with you.
You could try a serious discussion with her about her belief she has dementia. Is she anxious about it? Would she like advice or medication? Or indeed bereavement counselling.
And then some work with your husband and yourself on how to manage the situation so that you do not feel so frustrated and put upon.
