Lazy or alzheimers??????

[keegan2]

I do all personal care for hubby, apart from feeding him and brushing teeth. However since last week he no longer wants to do that. He won't put brush in mouth so I gave started brushing his teeth. He starts to eat his food and after about 5 mouthfUK's he stops so someone has to feed him. Doing you think I should leave him to it and push him to feed himself or do it for him. I don't want him to stop out of laziness. He wanders around house so is still mobile. Help...

 

[marionq]

I would help him to brush his teeth but I wouldn't feed him while he is mobile. If he's hungry then self preservation will kick in - I think. I know that I do too much for my husband mostly because he takes so long to do everything. I do wonder if I am making him less independent OR if these terms no longer apply with dementia.

If he stops eating I will consider that he is signalling the end is nigh. I think I'll buy some worry beads. Lol

 

[malc]

won't or can't,might be struggling with the actions of doing these simple things,i've noticed has adults we tend to stick to what we can do so there's less chance of failure and avoid complex challenges,surely this is enlightened with dementia.

 

[Beate]

Have you entertained the possibility he might have toothache or a mouth infection which is why he doesn't want to put food or a brush into his mouth? Might not hurt to have him checked out.

 

[keegan2]

Been to the dentist just last month who suggested an electric toothbrush which was wonderful to start with but now I have to do it. I have tried not helping with feeding but he fall's asleep at table if left to long or he just gets up so I coax him back and manage to get a bit more down him. I to think I may have made him a bit lazy as he takes so long to do things it's easier to take over. The other chores are not so bad but because he eats so slow and small amounts it's time consuming (I know I should not complain things could be a lot worse) it's not knowing have I come to another stage on this journey.

 

[canary]

It sounds to me as though he is forgetting how to do these things. If hes falling asleep at the table or getting up and walking away because everything is taking too long, it says to me that he is finding the whole process too much.

 

[Spamar]

Maybe forgetting how to use cutlery. Have you tried finger food?

 

[Sue J]

Hi Keegan

My symptoms fluctuate as, I think, do most people's with dementia. I have always been an independent person and want to remain that way as much as possible but these symptoms I know would make me appear lazy to anyone that doesn't know me. When they symptoms are bad, I do 'forget' for want of a better word - because it isn't really forgetting - to feed myself and do many of the daily care things. When the phase passes, and my brain gets into gear again, I can do it, it's not that I have just remembered but that my brain is functioning again.

It is a fine line between pushing someone to do something when they really can't, but they can't tell you they can't - that's when it is so frightening when you know you can't communicate your needs, or what is going on and those around you, you may also be aware are making wrong assumptions about your abilities. I say to people that understand and know me, 'Do you really think I'd be letting someone else do it for me if I could do it myself?' - it is what tells me there is something wrong.

The mental effort involved in doing anything when the brain is under such onslaught at times is so much and letting someone feed you would be saying to me 'I need you to do this' not because I am 'choosing not to eat' as some may interpret it but simply because I cannot do it for myself.

Sorry for waffling on.

Best wishes
Sue

 

[canary]

Sue, that is such a lovely helpful description. You were not waffling
xx

 

[Sue J]

Sue, that is such a lovely helpful description. You were not waffling
xx

Thank you Canary, I feel like I waffle but I get v. frustrated and upset if I think anyone is being misunderstood - not that I am saying that Keegan is misunderstanding her husband at all, just giving a perspective that he can't.xx

 

[keegan2]

Thank you sue for your reply, you have given me insight into a disease I am learning from everyday. Obviously I will fail at times but I promise I will get up fighting and through tp or other ways I will find a way to make life as easy and comfort for hubby and myself. I was working on the basis use it or lose it, hoping that the longer allow hubby to do certain things for himself he would not forget how to. I will in future allow him his own space and intervene when necessary. I found your reply very comforting I wish hubby would have discussed things with me but he has always been in denial of the disease and never acknowledged anything was wrong . All he knew was his job his driving licence and his independence was taken from him.

 

[canary]

I hear a lot about "use it or lose it", but this doesnt seem to acknowledge that with dementia you will lose it anyway, whether you use it or not and trying to use it when its gone causes distress.
A better mantra for dementia is, IMO - use it while you still can, before its gone.

 

[Sue J]

Thank you sue for your reply, you have given me insight into a disease I am learning from everyday. Obviously I will fail at times but I promise I will get up fighting and through tp or other ways I will find a way to make life as easy and comfort for hubby and myself. I was working on the basis use it or lose it, hoping that the longer allow hubby to do certain things for himself he would not forget how to. I will in future allow him his own space and intervene when necessary. I found your reply very comforting I wish hubby would have discussed things with me but he has always been in denial of the disease and never acknowledged anything was wrong . All he knew was his job his driving licence and his independence was taken from him.

We're all learning Keegan and I totally understand the 'use it or lose it theory', I apply it to myself very much at the same time as trying to acknowledge that there is something very amiss and to allow myself to be 'lazy' or accept that I have a 'disease' /condition that is causing this. The denial of the disease I fully understand too and it is part of the disease not your husband refusing to acknowledge it. I am understanding all the time and fight to hang on to that. Its tough losing job, driving licence and independence for anyone and all are added 'shocks' to a compromised nervous system.
All the very best to you both
Sue

 

[Sue J]

I hear a lot about "use it or lose it", but this doesnt seem to acknowledge that with dementia you will lose it anyway, whether you use it or not and trying to use it when its gone causes distress.
A better mantra for dementia is, IMO - use it while you still can, before its gone.

I agree canary