Been through this with Mum, and now with Dad!

[Cazwhit]

Hi everyone,

My Mum had Lewy Bodies dementia. I helped my Dad care for her, doing all the liasing with services and care, even taking over changing incontinence pads and helping her shower as she would refuse to let him. All the time I got more issues with him accepting care and help, and arguing with me constantly that they weren't ready for it.

Mum died of a heart attack in August 2014, and now Dad has been diagnosed with Altzheimers. I've been caring for him since last September / October, when he started to have a few weeks in a row obsessing over something, that would mean he would pace the floor all night, then ring us or come round (we live round the corner), asking the same thing over and over again.
He went onto some anti anxiety meds and was better.
Now just a few weeks into his Altzheimers diagnosis, after being told he can no longer drive, his car failed its MOT the same week anyway. He now cannot retain any of this information and wants his car back. Even if we put it back on his drive immobilised, he will ring us constantly asking us to help him to fix it.
I feel bad for him, but explaining it all to him upto 10 times a day is very wearing, it's also very disruptive for myself and my husband trying to run our own business!
I am at the end of my tether, and dreading the phone ringing! I've even given him a different set of numbers and removed our work and home ones, but he has us on memory speed dial, which is ironic!

 

[Cazwhit]

Can anyone see my post?

 

[Crunchy]

I have! Poor you, it sounds really tough. Both my parents have dementia and my dad died three weeks ago, I really sympathise.
Have you contacted your local adult social services to see if they can help? If he still lives on his own and has severe memory problems, he clearly can't manage everything by himself, best of luck.

 

[Pear trees]

I am sorry you are having to go through this again with your dad. I agree that you need urgent assessment to get all the help you can. You will make yourself ill otherwise.
Both my mum and MIL have moderate/severe dementia, and MIL is currently in hospital following a bad fall. I am visiting my MIL (who is lovely and welcomes our help) and helping my SILs look for carehomes, as well as regular visits to my mum (who is NOT lovely and does not welcome any help), and arranging her care. It is exhausting.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry that you are going through all this again.
Re the car - its failed its MOT, so just get rid of it. When he asks about it, you say each time that its failed its MOT and is going to be fixed at the garage. When he asks how long, it will be a few days . Without seeing the car to trigger off the thoughts he will probably forget about it eventually.

 

[Cazwhit]

Thank you so much for your kind replies, it means a lot!

We have a new care package which started today, after having 're ablement' for six weeks. Hopefully this means I may only need to organise his care, take him shopping etc, rather than sorting his meals and meds as well.
He's managed to ring us 16 times today about the car, and even walked to the garage to badger them!
I will have to try pretending it's being fixed, and see if that works any better. I do think boredom is the main issue, so am going to ask ss for at least one day a week daycare, if we can get it. He needs distracting.
We can't carry on like this! It is making me ill. I've had to go on anxiety meds myself to cope with it.

 

[Trini]

Interested to hear you had re ablement. Trying to get this for my MIL who is in hospital after a fall. How did you get it? SS seem to brush over this one. They know MIL is self funded but she should still be entitled to this free service. We need to increase her care package but this may take time to put in place and re ablement could plug the gap? Interested to hear others experience of this.

Thank you so much for your kind replies, it means a lot!

We have a new care package which started today, after having 're ablement' for six weeks. Hopefully this means I may only need to organise his care, take him shopping etc, rather than sorting his meals and meds as well.
He's managed to ring us 16 times today about the car, and even walked to the garage to badger them!
I will have to try pretending it's being fixed, and see if that works any better. I do think boredom is the main issue, so am going to ask ss for at least one day a week daycare, if we can get it. He needs distracting.
We can't carry on like this! It is making me ill. I've had to go on anxiety meds myself to cope with it.

 

[sparky023]

I cannot read and run. I must tell you, you are not alone. I too, have been through it all with my Mum (frontal lobe dementia) and now Dad has been diagnosed with Vascular.

((Hugs))

Life can be really shhhhhhhh can't it?! Xx

 

[Dustycat]

Me too. Mam with vascular (now deceased) and now Dad with Alzheimers. Life's cruel sometimes. Xx