Mother is so easily angered. I don’t’ mean to anger her and somehow it gets out of hand and I can’t make any sense of how I made her angry.
Example: I cook and shop for her. She isn’t eating. Doesn’t get hunger signals.
I bought Nurtirtional supplement Ensure Chocolate drinks. Called her today and she was enraged with me. Told me that I am pushing her around, bothering her to drink the Ensure (when all I do is ask). Same goes for the meals I send. They just stay in her freezer. No one is living with her so I am concerned. She does not eat. It used to be just me just she got angry, but now I notice that she is getting angry at siblings over what I think are inconsequential things? But to her, they are huge and she screams and gets so angry. I am not in a position to go to her house, and the truth is, if I were she might not let me in. Then a memory will come up from long ago, and she will be angry about an old, old issue. At first I was the only “child” she got angry with, but now it is happening with my siblings as well. One day he is the bad one, the next, he is good and it is me, and so forth. It seems to go from one child to another. Sort of like a blame game. It is horrible to hear that she feels I am causing her to have a stroke, that she is going to be lying in a box and other comments that “sound” manipulative. She was always a sweet, easy-going person.I am trying hard to separate her from the things she says and myself from taking it personally, but it is hard.
She is not diagnosed (long story short, she passes the short tests) and brother has POA and will do no more as he believes nothing is wrong with her. I cannot talk to her doctor as it has to go through my brother who has POA and he is just not listening and disbelieves me re possible dementia.
Then I feel so guilty. I feel that I have said or done something to anger her. I feel like I am somehow wishing dementia upon her by thinking I see it. So confused. Deep down, I know there is nothing wrong with my memory but to doubt her is to pronounce her with this disease no one but myself sees.
She will not have anyone come into the home (home services she qualifies for) based on her heart condition which is almost end-stage heart failure. They send people and she sends these people away. Then screams at me “would you like to have strangers coming into your home? Yesterday, the nurse (whom she agreed to with her own doctor) to have come in once a week and whom she liked, she sent away. I happened to call her while this nurse was at her home. My mother put me on the phone with the nurse and the nurse told me that my mother told her she is coming to live wth me and no longer requires their services. This was a lie to get rid of the nurse. While I was trying to speak with this nurse, my mother was screaming in the background “tell her (meaning me) to stay out of my life. I feel lost and alone in all of this. I am so stressed out. I don’t know what to do. I love her but she doesn’t know it anymore. Sorry for the rant. I am trying to keep her in her own home as long as possible, but she needs help for that, and she just doesn't see it. She does not realize there is any problem at all. The problem is me. Thank you for reading.
Example: I cook and shop for her. She isn’t eating. Doesn’t get hunger signals.
I bought Nurtirtional supplement Ensure Chocolate drinks. Called her today and she was enraged with me. Told me that I am pushing her around, bothering her to drink the Ensure (when all I do is ask). Same goes for the meals I send. They just stay in her freezer. No one is living with her so I am concerned. She does not eat. It used to be just me just she got angry, but now I notice that she is getting angry at siblings over what I think are inconsequential things? But to her, they are huge and she screams and gets so angry. I am not in a position to go to her house, and the truth is, if I were she might not let me in. Then a memory will come up from long ago, and she will be angry about an old, old issue. At first I was the only “child” she got angry with, but now it is happening with my siblings as well. One day he is the bad one, the next, he is good and it is me, and so forth. It seems to go from one child to another. Sort of like a blame game. It is horrible to hear that she feels I am causing her to have a stroke, that she is going to be lying in a box and other comments that “sound” manipulative. She was always a sweet, easy-going person.I am trying hard to separate her from the things she says and myself from taking it personally, but it is hard.
She is not diagnosed (long story short, she passes the short tests) and brother has POA and will do no more as he believes nothing is wrong with her. I cannot talk to her doctor as it has to go through my brother who has POA and he is just not listening and disbelieves me re possible dementia.
Then I feel so guilty. I feel that I have said or done something to anger her. I feel like I am somehow wishing dementia upon her by thinking I see it. So confused. Deep down, I know there is nothing wrong with my memory but to doubt her is to pronounce her with this disease no one but myself sees.
She will not have anyone come into the home (home services she qualifies for) based on her heart condition which is almost end-stage heart failure. They send people and she sends these people away. Then screams at me “would you like to have strangers coming into your home? Yesterday, the nurse (whom she agreed to with her own doctor) to have come in once a week and whom she liked, she sent away. I happened to call her while this nurse was at her home. My mother put me on the phone with the nurse and the nurse told me that my mother told her she is coming to live wth me and no longer requires their services. This was a lie to get rid of the nurse. While I was trying to speak with this nurse, my mother was screaming in the background “tell her (meaning me) to stay out of my life. I feel lost and alone in all of this. I am so stressed out. I don’t know what to do. I love her but she doesn’t know it anymore. Sorry for the rant. I am trying to keep her in her own home as long as possible, but she needs help for that, and she just doesn't see it. She does not realize there is any problem at all. The problem is me. Thank you for reading.
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