My mum went into a care home recently, after 3 weeks she still wasn't settled, then had to go into hospital as she was refusing food, drink and meds, and had terrible thrush of mouth. She is still in hospital (10 days now) and I paid a private psychiatrist to diagnose her and recommend meds. She hates the hospital and wants to go home. Today I took my mum out of hospital for a few hours and all I had the whole time is why have you done this to me, why would you put me in hospital? Then we visited the care home to pick up her slippers and clothes and all she kept saying was why would you put me in a care home, I hate it, I dont want to go back there.
When she was in her flat she told me she couldnt cope anymore and needed to move into a home.
I have to keep reminding myself that she won't be happy or settled anywhere at the moment and I have to do what's best for her and me, as she doesn't know what's best for her. I have considered taking her back to her flat and getting 24/7 care in, but I just feel that is delaying the inevitable and she will end up back in a care home later anywhere. I also worried how a single carer would cope with her. At least in a home there is a team of carers who can relieve each other if one patient becomes too much.
In the care home, she is washed, dressed, fed everyday and given her meds, there is company, activities, hairdresser, chiropodist etc and i can conserve my energy to have quality visits to her every day knowing the basics have all been done.
There is no right or wrong solution. We all have to follow our own path and support each other.