hi so im a newbie on here , its taken a long time for me personally to actually admit that i cant hold on to my feelings & frustrations of caring for my mum who has vascular dementia (middle stages rocketing on to later stages ) i have contact numbers from navigo that im able to use but ive always thought of myself being strong & not needing to tell my personal feelings & frustrations to . im also not sure if this is the place to tell how im feeling either but some how it helps a little just to put it on paper so to speak to people that dont know me or my family , my dad is now the main carer of mum i have 3 brothers & 1 sister who also helps with mum a lot although shes is going through a tough time herself fighting cancer so the majority of it falls to myself , ive always been the 1 person in the family that dad has called when times are tough , i wouldnt have it any other way i suppose he also needs to vent so im there for him ,. i work full time aswell as trying to run my household , my husband is currently working away so how my house turns into a bombshell i never know . most nights from work or the odd day i get off i go help mum get into the shower as most know hygiene is generally the first to be compromised , sometimes im not able to even though i have to lie (hate doing it ) to get her to try out a new shower gel or shampoo ! my own life dosnt seem to be my own its constantly revolved around my mum , this is were the guilt kicks in so today i have a random day off thinking i need to be doing something at home just to chill out potter about take the day to myself .just one phone call from my dad has made this guilty feeling that i should be there helping mum into the shower my dad is able to help her with it but its now come for myself or my sister to be expected to be there helping , sometimes i just want to be able to go & just sit & chat & have a cup of tea & not have to deal with the caring side does that make me a bad person ? , i think ive raved enough for now & im sorry if this shouldnt be on here i can delete if need be . just a way for me to spout of without hurting anybodys feelings x