Mums getting worse
- Thread starter MissM
- Start date
Hi Miss M, it is heartbreaking for all, isn't it? Fatigue for your dad and such a helplessness for you.
I found the best way to support my mum when she was exhausted and exasperated from caring for my dad was to find every bit of help available to them. I was their advocate, making calls, searching for all the things available to help out. I organised a carer package to do housework, washing, showers. I found a day centre to give Mum a break. I also cooked all their meals and went every day, showered Dad on non-carer days. It's often the practical and mundane things that we can take over, even the silly little things that are left in the backburner.
We can't make someone remember again or reach them with logic and reason but we can lighten the load for those caring.
You care and that's so important.
Stephanie, xxx
I found the best way to support my mum when she was exhausted and exasperated from caring for my dad was to find every bit of help available to them. I was their advocate, making calls, searching for all the things available to help out. I organised a carer package to do housework, washing, showers. I found a day centre to give Mum a break. I also cooked all their meals and went every day, showered Dad on non-carer days. It's often the practical and mundane things that we can take over, even the silly little things that are left in the backburner.
We can't make someone remember again or reach them with logic and reason but we can lighten the load for those caring.
You care and that's so important.
Stephanie, xxx
Mum won't get in the shower for anyone now, cooking the meals already n cleaning as well but work 3 shift pattern n it's getting hard. Dad won't have any help still to the house as of yet he hasn't been to bed cos she been up all night tried to give him an hour before I now leave for work but it just isn't enough .
What a terrible time you're all having, and I see how much you already have on your plate. It's extra hard when people want to be self-reliant. Your dad wants to do his best for your mum and not let her down. My mum really struggled with the idea of strangers in the house and her housework standards are very high. It was hard for her to accept that help but once she did the carer was no longer a stranger, she looked forward to them coming.
Dad would also get cross about taking meds. He felt he was healthy and sometimes accused me of trying to give him my meds.
I hope your dad can accept some more help before he breaks down.
Take care, xxx
Dad would also get cross about taking meds. He felt he was healthy and sometimes accused me of trying to give him my meds.
I hope your dad can accept some more help before he breaks down.
Take care, xxx
Our family experience has been that eventually the carer accepts that family care just isn't enough on its own. It's hell waiting for that "light bulb" moment.
I was in your position with my Dad, eventually I had to say to them that I was worried for his health and asked him what he thought would happen to Mum if he became exhausted and ill through not accepting help, I pointed out that he needed to look after himself too if he was going to be able to continue looking after Mum. He did eventually agree to carers coming in and sadly now Mum is in a care home because Dad became too frail to care for her at home, we had reached the stage where Mum was not sleeping day or night. I hope he accepts help soon. All you can do is keep talking to him and also it doesn't hurt to let him know how worried you are for him and your Mum xx
Ange
Ange
Thanks guys, just popped in now on the way home from work just to break the cycle of her ranting at him for a while just hope it works and that he doesn't spend another night with no sleep and driving the roads till 5 in the morning. Got 2 of the memory team calling Wednesday just hope we can last that long...
Well tried to do a runner again last night from-my dad but he was a bit quicker last night because he realised what was going to happen and managed to catch her and phone me. Went up there but she was so angry, we were lying to her and that she never thought that me her daughter would be so nasty to her... Managed to talk her down eventually and got her to bed and cwtched her in with a teddy but next week I have to get up at 4: 30 so god help us if I have to go up there 11:00 at night.just hope Wednesday comes real quick and the psych nurses can help......
So sorry to hear this, I would tell this nurse that you are worried you are heading for a crisis, perhaps the nurse would talk to your Dad, sometimes a stranger pointing things out will be better accepted, roll on Wednesday for you xx
Ange
Well the nurse has been and what a really nice helpful chap he was, another women came with him to keep mam occupied so we could chat, dad has agreed to social services paying a visit to try an arrange for mam to go to a day centre for a break for him for a couple of hours ( this I hope happens as my dad has a nasty habit of changing his mind about things) and also we had a chat about the buddy system for the evenings when she needs a distraction of a different face.
I know we have to wait but it's a glimmer of hope that we will get some more help that's been on the table for so long but yet refused.... Any bit of a break will be welcomed with open arms
I know we have to wait but it's a glimmer of hope that we will get some more help that's been on the table for so long but yet refused.... Any bit of a break will be welcomed with open arms
Day Centre is such a help. Dad went to one 3 days a week and it saved all of our sanity. I was worried he wouldn't go or something would go wrong. There was only 1 day where he came home early because he was unhappy.
I hope your dad will follow through with his decision. If he starts to wobble and change his mind, tell him it won't hurt to give it a try. Just one day of peace and calm might be enough for him to appreciate the sense of it.
Good luck. Stephanie
I hope your dad will follow through with his decision. If he starts to wobble and change his mind, tell him it won't hurt to give it a try. Just one day of peace and calm might be enough for him to appreciate the sense of it.
Good luck. Stephanie
Driving the roads till 5 in the morning - in my pj`s - with my wife beside me - asleep - stop at a service area on the motorway for a coffee, put the childlocks on the car doors, get her to sit in the back where she cant grab the steering wheel, cant open the door to get out at 50mph, thats the nearest you can get to relaxation!!.Have you got a SW?, have you asked for respite care?. those few days break can help to keep you sane. Best wishes.
Thanks for all the replies everyone, hit a bit of a rock bottom this week and being on night shift doesn't help as I don't sleep well on this shift anyways. Had to ring the nurse again and they altered her tablets and now she has gone from being a little hellcat to a zombie.
I can't believe that after all these years of people living with dementia in whatever form that the medication isn't perfected yet, to see mam going from one extreme to the other I don't know which one I prefer.
We have a visit next week as well to fill in forms for her to go to a day centre for a few hours a week so that's gonna be a godsend if she is capable with the way she is today I doubt it.....
Anyways as for respite that's a no gooer as dad won't be apart from her for that length of time just getting him to agree to the day centre was a miracle
Henry I really feel for you as I am having to watch my dad do the same thing up until now but he learned the hard way when she tried to get out of the car whilst in motion, now he is very careful about the locks...
Well guys it's dinner time here so gonna sign off, take care everyone of yourself and your loved ones even in the hardest times sometimes the sun shines even tho not as often xx
I can't believe that after all these years of people living with dementia in whatever form that the medication isn't perfected yet, to see mam going from one extreme to the other I don't know which one I prefer.
We have a visit next week as well to fill in forms for her to go to a day centre for a few hours a week so that's gonna be a godsend if she is capable with the way she is today I doubt it.....
Anyways as for respite that's a no gooer as dad won't be apart from her for that length of time just getting him to agree to the day centre was a miracle
Henry I really feel for you as I am having to watch my dad do the same thing up until now but he learned the hard way when she tried to get out of the car whilst in motion, now he is very careful about the locks...
Well guys it's dinner time here so gonna sign off, take care everyone of yourself and your loved ones even in the hardest times sometimes the sun shines even tho not as often xx
Update
Well popped in mams after work and as per the last couple of days really confused and agitated and because I stopped her leaving to go home to her other(no other) house and her husband who is present decides to get nasty and slap me the no good daughter who hates her and always has done daughter.......tries then to provoke me into slapping her back which obviously she is my mam I won't so tells my dad I am leaving and will see them later...
How do I cope with this new turn, I am not going to put up with being a punchbag and told my dad that if it happens again I will report it to the hospital that there are further changes in her behaviour and the accusations that she makes against people are so ludicrous that if anyone where to believe her I just don't know what would happen....
Don't want to leave my dad to cope on his own but just feel so down at this moment in time .
Well popped in mams after work and as per the last couple of days really confused and agitated and because I stopped her leaving to go home to her other(no other) house and her husband who is present decides to get nasty and slap me the no good daughter who hates her and always has done daughter.......tries then to provoke me into slapping her back which obviously she is my mam I won't so tells my dad I am leaving and will see them later...
How do I cope with this new turn, I am not going to put up with being a punchbag and told my dad that if it happens again I will report it to the hospital that there are further changes in her behaviour and the accusations that she makes against people are so ludicrous that if anyone where to believe her I just don't know what would happen....
Don't want to leave my dad to cope on his own but just feel so down at this moment in time .
Try to persuade your dad to get help so he can at least have a few minutes a day to hisself as in ME time
