mum now having end of life care
- Thread starter steveden
- Start date
Thinking of you too.
As I've posted elsewhere, my mum slipped away gently to a better place on Thursday evening.
I went to see mum in the afternoon and was able to say goodbye, and I'm so glad the GP and CH nursing sstaff were so professional they could accurately assess the situation so we were prepared, although the loss is none the less of course.
Like you, already the memories are in my mind of happier times, which is a comfort.
With very best wishes.
x
As I've posted elsewhere, my mum slipped away gently to a better place on Thursday evening.
I went to see mum in the afternoon and was able to say goodbye, and I'm so glad the GP and CH nursing sstaff were so professional they could accurately assess the situation so we were prepared, although the loss is none the less of course.
Like you, already the memories are in my mind of happier times, which is a comfort.
With very best wishes.
x
I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mum Steveden. I think the idea of planting a tree in her memory is a great idea.
Take care of yourself and your family
Lyn T XX
Take care of yourself and your family
Lyn T XX
Thank you for all the kind support I have received although I wanted to have mam here for longer I'm glad that her suffering is over she did have a great many health problems at the end and I do believe that she waited until I wasn't there to spare me.
As I feared dad has gone into meltdown I'm organising the funeral because I just can't get him to get involved, I say to him about a decision that needs making he just tells me to do what I think best so Ive gone from worrying about one parent to another . I have also discovered something that sickens me to the pit of my stomach. Dad is under normal circumstances a very organised man doesn't believe in debt work for what you want etc.so he wanted pensions, bank, etc. contacted straight away so her pension was stopped like most old people he's terrified he get something then have to give it back. Anyway so I contacted them all for him then went into the bank informed them mam had her own account I discovered she had another account which it turns out my brother knew about and I guess now you realise what I'm going to say this piece of (can't print what id like to say) had been bleeding my mam dry for years he had direct debits set up had money transferred on a monthly basis to his account ,paying for everything from dental treatment to Christmas for Himself. I feel repulsed that not only could he do it to his own mother but a mother whose mentally I'll and had no idea what she was agreeing to .all those time she took her out to supposedly give dad a break he was taking her to pay for something else.yet when she was dying yes you've guessed one visit for half an hour 10days before she died. I cancelled everything at the bank I confronted him via phone he doesn't intend coming before the funeral and will meet us at the crematorium his answer was I was expecting you would cancel them and that I Mayas well know he had me write out of the will as well .i haven't told dad any of this yet the shock will be to much. Can anyone advice me on what to do .i don't care about for me not interested about not being in the will its dad what do explain to him about what his own son has done
As I feared dad has gone into meltdown I'm organising the funeral because I just can't get him to get involved, I say to him about a decision that needs making he just tells me to do what I think best so Ive gone from worrying about one parent to another . I have also discovered something that sickens me to the pit of my stomach. Dad is under normal circumstances a very organised man doesn't believe in debt work for what you want etc.so he wanted pensions, bank, etc. contacted straight away so her pension was stopped like most old people he's terrified he get something then have to give it back. Anyway so I contacted them all for him then went into the bank informed them mam had her own account I discovered she had another account which it turns out my brother knew about and I guess now you realise what I'm going to say this piece of (can't print what id like to say) had been bleeding my mam dry for years he had direct debits set up had money transferred on a monthly basis to his account ,paying for everything from dental treatment to Christmas for Himself. I feel repulsed that not only could he do it to his own mother but a mother whose mentally I'll and had no idea what she was agreeing to .all those time she took her out to supposedly give dad a break he was taking her to pay for something else.yet when she was dying yes you've guessed one visit for half an hour 10days before she died. I cancelled everything at the bank I confronted him via phone he doesn't intend coming before the funeral and will meet us at the crematorium his answer was I was expecting you would cancel them and that I Mayas well know he had me write out of the will as well .i haven't told dad any of this yet the shock will be to much. Can anyone advice me on what to do .i don't care about for me not interested about not being in the will its dad what do explain to him about what his own son has done
I am wondering, where is your mum's will? Has she appointed the ******* ****
executor? I think you need to see it. Do you think he could have persuaded her to write anyone else out of her will? ie your dad? Perhaps you should get advice from a solicitor.
I am so sorry. You have just lost your mum, trying to support your dad, organising a funeral and now this.
executor? I think you need to see it. Do you think he could have persuaded her to write anyone else out of her will? ie your dad? Perhaps you should get advice from a solicitor.
I am so sorry. You have just lost your mum, trying to support your dad, organising a funeral and now this.
To be honest after looking after mam and now dad I don't know if I have the strength for another fight I know eventually I will have to tell dad what has happened if for no other reason than when her will is read he's goings to want to know why only my brother is in and none of her other children ,my husband loved my mam but he's talking about not going to the funeral because he doesn't want to show disrespect towards mam but the thought of being near my brother makes him so angry he says he doesn't know if he will be able to hold back .love its supposed to be unconditional yet my brothers came with a price tag but everyone else will pay if I could stop my brother from going I would
Dad was left in the will or so my brother says but her other children and grandchildren are written out, as I understand it we cant do anything because it was made when she first became ill and was still legally classed as of sound mind. The only other people are his girlfriend and her children she will get mams jewellery including her wedding ring.
I am sorry to hear about your loss and angry that you are now having to deal with your brother who has behaved appallingly. I believe in karma and hopefully he will get everything he deserves in the future, what a terrible way to behave. Sending hugs (()) xx
Ange
Ange
Take great care of yourself in the days that follow. Cry when you need to but most of all talk about her with all of your family. Talk about the good times, look at photos and always remember that you were there with her right to the time she passed over to be with those she knew and loved too.
with love and thoughts
with love and thoughts
its over now
Mams funeral was yesterday, the vicar gave a beautiful service it wasn't religious it was personal all about mam and love she gave to people and her generous heart.
Dad did let the tears come finally which without wishing to sound like I'm being funny I was relieved he cried he's been backing away from his feelings all week
Relatives came from all over the country to pay their respects the service was packed l know mam was looking down and she would have been thrilled to see who was there and the relatives all came backed to the house and we sat talking for hours all the daft stories that we had to share about things mam did. We raised £150.00 in our collection for the Alzheimer society which we were really pleased with. There was no daft arguments or anything like that ,a day filled with love remembering someone we loved.
In the words my mam would often say "that was a bloody good funeral that" god bless mam and I love you x
Mams funeral was yesterday, the vicar gave a beautiful service it wasn't religious it was personal all about mam and love she gave to people and her generous heart.
Dad did let the tears come finally which without wishing to sound like I'm being funny I was relieved he cried he's been backing away from his feelings all week
Relatives came from all over the country to pay their respects the service was packed l know mam was looking down and she would have been thrilled to see who was there and the relatives all came backed to the house and we sat talking for hours all the daft stories that we had to share about things mam did. We raised £150.00 in our collection for the Alzheimer society which we were really pleased with. There was no daft arguments or anything like that ,a day filled with love remembering someone we loved.
In the words my mam would often say "that was a bloody good funeral that" god bless mam and I love you x
Glad it went well.
I am sure your dad is shedding a few tears privately- stiff upper lip and all that - its a generation thing- men are not seen to cry
Have you located her will? Quite often everything is left to the husband /wife before anyone else gets their paws on anything. Hopefully this will be the case.
I am sure your dad is shedding a few tears privately- stiff upper lip and all that - its a generation thing- men are not seen to cry
Have you located her will? Quite often everything is left to the husband /wife before anyone else gets their paws on anything. Hopefully this will be the case.
Steveden I hope you don't mind me commenting about the will when it is so close to the funeral. There was a time when my mum was considering excluding my brother from her will altogether because she had not seen him or heard from him for almost two years. She didn't do it in the end but when she discussed it with her solicitor she was advised that she should write a separate letter explaining her reasons. This was because it is possible for close relatives including children to make a claim against the estate where they would 'normally' expect to inherit something. I think the relevant law is something like the Inheritance and Protection of Dependants Act but any solicitor should know about this.
You may not wish to pursue this but I wanted just to mention it as I imagine you might have to raise the issue quite soon if you do.
You may not wish to pursue this but I wanted just to mention it as I imagine you might have to raise the issue quite soon if you do.
Thank you to everyone for your kindness,
I will not be contesting my mothers will, the money doesn't matter to me what hurt me was my brothers greed and manipulation of my mother ,he wasn't there for her when she needed him but now she's gone he's playing the I'm devastated card and pretending he was by her side constantly even claiming he organised the funeral which he didn't he never helped with anything he didn't even go to the chapel of rest to see her before she was cremated, but I am letting that all go mainly because firstly I know the truth and so does my father and I believe if mam is looking down so does she and secondly if I allow my anger at my brother to absorb my feelings then it sully everything else, in the end he may get money but I got so much more ,I realised something on the morning of her funeral that matters far more to me when I was born mam was the first person to kiss me and welcome me into the world and I was the last person to kiss her before she left this world no amount of money can replace that.
I will not be contesting my mothers will, the money doesn't matter to me what hurt me was my brothers greed and manipulation of my mother ,he wasn't there for her when she needed him but now she's gone he's playing the I'm devastated card and pretending he was by her side constantly even claiming he organised the funeral which he didn't he never helped with anything he didn't even go to the chapel of rest to see her before she was cremated, but I am letting that all go mainly because firstly I know the truth and so does my father and I believe if mam is looking down so does she and secondly if I allow my anger at my brother to absorb my feelings then it sully everything else, in the end he may get money but I got so much more ,I realised something on the morning of her funeral that matters far more to me when I was born mam was the first person to kiss me and welcome me into the world and I was the last person to kiss her before she left this world no amount of money can replace that.
