Dreading Thursday - The Axeman Cometh

[Scarlett123]

The Axeman Cometh .. he saw .. and I MAY have conquered!

Well actually, it's the Finance Director from the LA. I dread going into the Care Home, because nearly every time, someone says "I have to tell you what John did ....", and it's not good. On Thursday, his finances will be assessed to see what he'll have to pay.

But the council's ceiling is about £200 a week less than the Care Home's cost, and frankly, I just won't be able to manage. As it is, all of John's State Pension, plus half his private pension will be taken to supplement the Council's contribution, and there is no way I can find the extra £200 a week.

I am so worried that the Home will say they can't cope with him anyway, and this, together with the lack of funds, makes me think that I'll be bringing him back home next month. On the plus side, I will have had 3 months on my own, so I've caught up on some much needed sleep.

Although John gets muddled over virtually everything, he's very insistent that he wants to go home, and is constantly asking "am I better yet?". Sorry for the rant.

 

[truth24]

Hi Scarlett. It's not a rant. I too have a financial assessment on Tuesday and am dreading the outcome. It's a double whammy isn't it. First we give up our lives to care for them, willingly of course as we love them, and they haven't asked for/deserved this terrible disease, and then we are reduced to penury (well almost) as a further punishment in struggling to pay for their care. At least I don't have your worry about Fred having to leave the CH as they can't manage. They have already assured me of that but I would hate to move him from somewhere he seems to have settled and start all over again because we can't afford their fees.

Hoping for a good (as can be) outcome for both of us. Verity

Sent from my GT-N5110

 

[Scarlett123]

Oh Truth, it's awful isn't it. I feel that I'm going on trial, and there's no jury - only a judge.

 

[truth24]

I know how you feel. Am now panicking as I don't think the required last 6 months of statements will arrive in time after ordering them from the bank (we are paperless) which means that I will have to go on line and print them all off. Hope I have enough paper/ink. Life is never simple these days is it?

Sent from my GT-N5110

 

[Scarlett123]

I know how you feel. Am now panicking as I don't think the required last 6 months of statements will arrive in time after ordering them from the bank (we are paperless) which means that I will have to go on line and print them all off. Hope I have enough paper/ink. Life is never simple these days is it?

Sent from my GT-N5110

Oh dear, I haven't been asked for that! I was asked for proof of Private Pension, State Retirement Pension, and all his savings - that's it. I'm also in a panic, but I had such a heart rending visit today. When I arrived, I was given more info about John's sexual behaviour, and I really believe he'll have to come home.

He clutches my hand, every time I leave, and the plaintive cries of "I wanna come home", are really getting to me. Stupidly, I thought these would lessen as time went by, but they seem to have increased.

I wish you good luck for tomorrow. xxx

 

[truth24]

Oh Scarlett, I am so sorry to hear about John. Is your CH dedicated to dementia sufferers? If so, they should have some means of coping. The patients in Fred's home, which is a dedicated dementia home with both residential and nursing care, seem to suffer from many types, all with varying symptoms and I'm sure there must be someone there with a similar problem to John's. It really wouldn't be fair to expect you to cope if they can't. What an awful problem for you. Thank you for your best wishes for tomorrow and the same to you for Thursday. The requirements for documentation must vary from area to area. Luckily had enough ink/paper to print off the bank statements. Can't believe they are going to go through them all with a toothcomb!l
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[LadyA]

Scarlett, do you honestly think you could cope at home with John, on your own? Seriously? For how long? And then what?

Surely, surely, there is some way around this - they cannot expect to leave you absolutely penniless. And surely, there must be somewhere better able to cope with John's behaviours if not this particular Home? Thank God, it's one aspect of behaviour problems William didn't exhibit, but I have heard/read that there can be medication to help with this, as it's apparently quite common.

Maybe, maybe, things will go better than you think. And you know what? Next time you go to visit John and they start to tell you what he's done - just stop them! Tell them you know John has difficult behaviours, but that right now, you just want to enjoy visiting your husband without any added stresses, if they wouldn't mind! As the Age Related Doctor was at pains to tell me - "When your husband goes to full time care in a nursing home, it will be a big adjustment for you. You will no longer be responsible for his care. You will always be his advocate, but the Nursing Home Staff will be responsible for his care. Up to now, all the responsiblity has been yours, but from then, that responsibility will be the Nursing Home's." - so let 'em get on with it!

 

[Soobee]

But the council's ceiling is about £200 a week less than the Care Home's cost, and frankly, I just won't be able to manage. As it is, all of John's State Pension, plus half his private pension will be taken to supplement the Council's contribution, and there is no way I can find the extra £200 a week.

All councils set their ceiling impossibly low in public. The fact is that there isn't a nursing home near me for less than £750 but the LA's advertised rate is about £440! They funded the £750 place...

Note: You do NOT have to pay top up, you do NOT have to fund his care. It is only his income and his assets that are taken into account. You must not feel that you have to take him home because of funds, that is not the case. You can only take him home with lots of support and that just isn't there.

They will pressure you to pay a top up, with the threat of moving him, but where are the other homes that can support his needs? I think you have a very good argument that he has more complex needs and they can only be catered for in certain places.

 

[Just thinking]

All councils set their ceiling impossibly low in public. The fact is that there isn't a nursing home near me for less than £750 but the LA's advertised rate is about £440! They funded the £750 place...

Note: You do NOT have to pay top up, you do NOT have to fund his care. It is only his income and his assets that are taken into account. You must not feel that you have to take him home because of funds, that is not the case. You can only take him home with lots of support and that just isn't there.

They will pressure you to pay a top up, with the threat of moving him, but where are the other homes that can support his needs? I think you have a very good argument that he has more complex needs and they can only be catered for in certain places.

Hi there. I was very interested in your second paragraph. Is this right cos that's something that concerns me but I thought relatives did have to pay top up fees. This will make a huge difference to my situ and I've got my fingers crossed that you're right. Please respond.

 

[fusee]

Hi there. I was very interested in your second paragraph. Is this right cos that's something that concerns me but I thought relatives did have to pay top up fees. This will make a huge difference to my situ and I've got my fingers crossed that you're right. Please respond.

Hi having just been involved in top up fees, I thought I would clarify the situation
for you. As long as you let the LA choose the home top up fees are not needed (provided savings etc are under £23000.00) but if you choose a home yourself which is more expensive then someone has to pay the difference between what the LA will pay and the cost of home Top up fees

 

[Pickles53]

From reading other posts my understanding is that the issue is whether the LA can find a home which meets ALL of the resident's needs at a lower rate than your preferred home; if they can then you maybe expected to pay top-ups. The emphasis is on ALL, which includes things like proximity to family, as well as physical care.

 

[WIFE]

Hi Scarlett. It's not a rant. I too have a financial assessment on Tuesday and am dreading the outcome. It's a double whammy isn't it. First we give up our lives to care for them, willingly of course as we love them, and they haven't asked for/deserved this terrible disease, and then we are reduced to penury (well almost) as a further punishment in struggling to pay for their care. At least I don't have your worry about Fred having to leave the CH as they can't manage. They have already assured me of that but I would hate to move him from somewhere he seems to have settled and start all over again because we can't afford their fees.

Hoping for a good (as can be) outcome for both of us. Verity

Sent from my GT-N5110

Thinking of you today Verity - our Continuing assessment is on Friday. Good luck and stand your ground.

 

[WIFE]

Oh Truth, it's awful isn't it. I feel that I'm going on trial, and there's no jury - only a judge.

Scarlett 123 I will be thinking of you on Thursday - do so hope its a good outcome for you both - ours is on Friday. What will be will be but do stand your ground. Good luck

 

[WILLIAMR]

I know how you feel. Am now panicking as I don't think the required last 6 months of statements will arrive in time after ordering them from the bank (we are paperless) which means that I will have to go on line and print them all off. Hope I have enough paper/ink. Life is never simple these days is it?

Sent from my GT-N5110

I think they will be looking for large items of expenditure.
That said I know somebody who inherited her mother's half of the house and the council tax, electric,gas and water was left on the father's account.
The social worker said she should have been paying rent to live in the house which she half owned and he was not interested in things like she paid for most of the food, she drove the car but it was used a lot for the father's benefit and she had paid for holidays and helped the father to pay for his private medical insurance and the house insurance.
I am not sure why she should have paying rent in a house she half owned.

William

 

[Scarlett123]

It seems that many of us are having The Assessment this week. I would be interested to know if anyone in any area knows of Care Homes that can offer a place at the same rate as their Council's "ceiling".

LadyA, I know deep down I wouldn't be able to cope if John returns home, but I'm getting myself really stewed up about the whole thing, and I don't know what to do for the best. I feel my heart strings are being tugged so much.

 

[Moonflower]

If you say that you will take him home, they will let you, as this will save them money
Please don't offer to

They have to find somewhere suitable, which can cope with his behaviour. His pension etc can be taken, but you should not be asked for a top up unless you choose a "posher" care home

Could somebody come with you as your advocate? Really hard to battle through this alone when you are so worn down

 

[truth24]

My son who is a financial advisor is coming today to the assessment so perhaps he might have some advice. Will let you know what happens and the outcome. Best of luck to all those having assessments this week. I gather from a friend that men usually come off best as their wives don't have as much money. What a statement of our times. Bet today's women won't stand for that.
Sent from my GT-N5110

 

[LadyA]

If you say that you will take him home, they will let you, as this will save them money
Please don't offer to

They have to find somewhere suitable, which can cope with his behaviour. His pension etc can be taken, but you should not be asked for a top up unless you choose a "posher" care home

Could somebody come with you as your advocate? Really hard to battle through this alone when you are so worn down

Very sensible advice.

 

[Scarlett123]

Thank you all so much for your valuable and sensible advice. The Axeman, I mean the Finance Department representative, is coming to my home, and I'm going to see him on my own. I have typed out a single A4 page, which encompasses John's numerous illnesses, the fees for the Home, and that it's impossible for me to meet any extra costs.

I shall excuse myself to make some coffee, giving him ample time to read it. I've also said how valuable the close proximity of the Home is, and the fact that it is currently meeting John's needs and that sadly, after 11 years, I am no longer able to care for him.

I've printed out numerous sheets, as a back-up, if necessary, for then, or later, that I've downloaded from the Government's website, citing the 1948 National Assistance Act (!). This consolidates the fact that, basically, a spouse shouldn't be left in financial hardship, in order to meet the Care Home costs.

Phew - I'm exhausted, and if there's a job going in the George Osborne's department, it would be easy-peasy after this!

 

[Soobee]

if you've not seen the factsheets please read them before the meeting:

Paying for care
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=2710

Benefit rates
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/431

You still seem to think that you can be asked to pay for his care from your money; you cannot be asked to pay for his care, unless they try to foist a top up on you.

They tried it on me and I put in a complaint to the council and they backed down. Basically, my mother was in the cheapest nursing home in the area and they still tried it on!