Hi - I am new on here and slowly learning how to cope with my Mum who is 87 and has vascular dementia. Basically my Dad used to be her main carer, and between them they hid how bad things were, but Dad passed away quite quickly in November and by January it was clear Mum couldn't be left for long on her own and certainly couldn't continue to live on her own. After discussions with her GP she now lives in a residential care home and is being well looked after. I visit her 2 or 3 times a week and generally she is a lot better than she was at home, however, most times she has forgotten that Dad has died. Sometimes she says he has visited her, sometimes she asks if I have been to see him. When I visited on Friday she said Dad had phoned to say he had a fall, that he was ok but she asked if I could visit him to check and let her know how he is. Up until this point I have always reminded her that Dad has gone, but we are now at a point where she doesn't even remember the funeral. Telling her Dad has gone breaks my heart every time, but doesn't seem to affect her as much. I'm just not sure if I should go along with the conversation and not correct her and just tell her Dad is fine or if I should correct her? Correcting her doesn't seem to make any difference as she still thinks he is alive the next time I visit and it just upsets me, but at the same time I'm not sure if its right to lie to her?? Any suggestions gratefully received - I'm getting to the point where I'm dreading visiting her as I just seem to make her more confused and I just get upset!! Thank you