Christmas...

[Rageddy Anne]

How many of us on here are viewing Christmas with apprehension? We're lucky if we find ourselves included in a big jolly Christmas where our only responsibility is to help our Dementia sufferer to enjoy it. Some of us may find ourselves on our own, some alone with their "patient", some entirely alone.

Much as I've always enjoyed Christmas, and after years of 'doing' Christmas for family and lonely friends, ours has diminished, and I'm beginning to find some of those TV commercials of frenzied excitement lower my mood when I think of how many people on here aren't going to have that sort of Christmas.

So, Bah Humbug! Suggestions, please, for thoughts to make us feel more positive about other people's Merry Christmas, when frankly, I feel sad, and must snap out of it.

 

[starryuk]

How many of us on here are viewing Christmas with apprehension?

Me, for one. This year for the first time, I don't think Mum will cope with spending the day away from her CH, but not sure how she will react if/when she realises we are leaving her there.
We plan to bring mum out for a mini 'Christmas day' with immediate family on 24th morning, but Christmas day itself will be a gathering in a 'strange' house with 'strange' people. It would be too stressful for everyone including Mum.

Bah Humbug!

 

[starryuk]

So, Bah Humbug! Suggestions, please, for thoughts to make us feel more positive about other people's Merry Christmas, when frankly, I feel sad, and must snap out of it.

The positives...
No charades
No family quarrels
Money saved
No mountains of rubbish to dispose of.
Watch what YOU want on telly (hopefully)

I will think of more...

 

[Rageddy Anne]

The positives...
No charades
No family quarrels
Money saved
No mountains of rubbish to dispose of.
Watch what YOU want on telly (hopefully)

I will think of more...

Yes of course! I feel better already!

 

[little shettie]

Just had to respond when I saw your post, as its been on my mind a lot these last few weeks. It will be tough one for sure as we lost my dad in Feb this year, so difficult indeed. My main worry though has been mum and what to do with her? Sounds awful I know, but I care for her alone, I don't live close and managing her and all her needs from a distance is not easy and has certainly taken its toll this year. As I spend approximately 4 days a week with mum, pandering to her every need, I'm hoping that one of my dear brothers (there are 3) will take mum for Christmas day at least. I have mentioned it to all but as yet, no takers. I don't want to leave mum alone but I need a break from her and I feel wicked saying that but I really do. So like you, Christmas is not going to be much fun this year. Whatever the outcome with mum, I shall spend my time worrying no doubt!!

 

[Shash7677]

I walked into a shop in our local tone centre the other day and burst into tears as they were playing Xmas songs and had lots of Xmas goodies on the shelf.

I've no reason really not to enjoy Christmas, 3 children under 9, one who also has his birthday Xmas day so it's full of celebration. However, we are staying in for dinner and I'm dreading it!!! We always always go out so Ryder can celebrate his birthday and it separates it for him from his Christmas.

I hate cooking, our oven is rubbish so I'm test running a turkey in the slow cooker at the weekend! At least it won't still be pink after 4 hours (hopefully!!!).

It's mums second Christmas in her NH, she's happy and settled but I worry about dad waking up alone on Christmas morning. He wouldn't stay with us Christmas Eve even if a) I asked him and b) we had a bed for him, he is going to his best friends for dinner at lunchtime then will see mum, he will then come to ours for an hour or so but spend most of Boxing Day with us.

Not really got any ideas as to why Christmas adverts are making my eyes well up or why seeing Christmas things in shops and hearing songs are turning me into a blithering wreck.

Hopefully it will pass, my fingers are crossed.

X x

 

[Saffie]

I have not liked Christmas for ages. All that stress and hassle and now that has passed, the aloneness - not loneliness that's different.
However,I love the TV adverts. To me they don't have to reflect a real Christmas but a romantic vision of it. Just like the happy endings of those Saturday afternoon films used to do.
What I'm not so keen on are the references to parties on so many programmes. I go nowhere in the run-up to Christmas, do people really have loads and loads to go to, involving new frocks, glam and glitter?

p.s. I like this years's JL advert but preferred last year's.

 

[Izzy]

Oh I preferred last year's JL ad as well.

Now I'm retired and have no staff night out I've no glitzy parties either Saffie. I know I'm lucky though that I have Bill at home. I'm hoping we'll make if to my bother's for Christmas.

With the Alz Scot choir we still have some Christmas cheer as we're doing a Christmas concert!



Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Jess26]

This will be our first Christmas without mum. I decided last year not to bring her home for the day. We spent the morning with her at the CH which was lovely. The Salvation Army came in and staff, visitors and some residents all joined in the carols. It was a lovely atmosphere. This year it will be hubby and me on our own. Our daughter and family are spending it with her in-laws. I have always envied those who had large close families who all get together at Christmas.

 

[Jessbow]

The best christmas' I had in the past were before we cared for mum full time.

I worked delivering meals on wheels, and being childless always gave up Christmas day ( well about 3 hours) to do the Christmas day run.

Not only did it give us a purpose, it was also very humbling. When you are the only person an old person sees on Christmas day, and the only card on the shelf is the one from you, well...... Made me realise just how lucky we were .

My point is, if you are struggling, volunteer to do something, give you time to others and make THEIR Christmas special. salvation army? Local homeless hostel? All need people on Christmas day.

I promise you, you will not regret it

 

[Shash7677]

I forgot about work do's Izzy!!! I've nothing to go to either, hubby on the other hand has a works do with a free bar on 20th December! I can write off the 21st as he will be fit for nothing! So annoying, I always get stressed out about it every year. I think it's because I don't get the chance to go out as many on here don't. It's frustrating and feels like you're life has stopped.

Back to the ads! I like the JL one (made me cry) and there is a Sainsb**ys one coming out later in the month. I love the M and S one too.

 

[angelface]

I must admit, I am another one that hates Christmas. On more than one occasion I have had to come out of M & -- crying, because that is where I always used to buy the nighties and things for prezzies for mum and favorite aunties - daft eh?

This year I am trying the approach that I am getting no younger, so how many Christmases do I have left? So I am going to try and enjoy them, and pick out the things I want to do that I will enjoy.

I have started with buying the presents a bit early, usually I put it off to the last minute, because I find it miserable. Actually it stresses me more to do that, so I am trying to change.

I was advised to see my aunt in the CH on Christmas eve. She does not know who we are, so does it matter which day we visit.

I am trying to be gentle with myself, and if there are any little treats I want, I shall have them, and intend to really appreciate them.

Maybe my approach is a bit selfish, but lets survive and get through it

 

[Rageddy Anne]

The best christmas' I had in the past were before we cared for mum full time.

I worked delivering meals on wheels, and being childless always gave up Christmas day ( well about 3 hours) to do the Christmas day run.

Not only did it give us a purpose, it was also very humbling. When you are the only person an old person sees on Christmas day, and the only card on the shelf is the one from you, well...... Made me realise just how lucky we were .

My point is, if you are struggling, volunteer to do something, give you time to others and make THEIR Christmas special. salvation army? Local homeless hostel? All need people on Christmas day.

I promise you, you will not regret it

I've recently given up the Meals on Wheels round, which I did with a friend. Both our husbands developed Dementia around the same time, so after we'd delivered the meals we'd go to a pub for coffee and a jolly good grumble. I agree, helping people less fortunate does improve one's attitude! More recently both husbands became more needy, so first the coffee and then the Meals on Wheels have had to stop.. It's good to be travelling the same road as my friend,as we can grizzle away to each other( email now and the odd rare coffee) and we know we're not burdening other friends.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

I forgot about work do's Izzy!!! I've nothing to go to either, hubby on the other hand has a works do with a free bar on 20th December! I can write off the 21st as he will be fit for nothing! So annoying, I always get stressed out about it every year. I think it's because I don't get the chance to go out as many on here don't. It's frustrating and feels like you're life has stopped.

Back to the ads! I like the JL one (made me cry) and there is a Sainsb**ys one coming out later in the month. I love the M and S one too.

I like the JL ad, or is it M&S? The bear and the hare? But can't help thinking that I might be misunderstanding the look in the bear's eyes as he heads for the hare! Don't hungry bears eat things like hares?

 

[almin]

I shall be spending Christmas alone by choice.

Have had several invitations from family and friends, but having just lost my lovely wife Pat, feel it is too soon to be sociable and upsetting others.

Looking forward to peace and quiet with wonderful memories of better times.
Will spend a lot of time talking to Pat and her favourite Teddy called Eric.

Probably invest in M&S ready meals.

Best wishes to all.

Almin

 

[Izzy]

Come Christmas we'll all be thinking of you and others in your situation Almin. Take care. x

 

[Shash7677]

RaggedyAnne, the AD reminds me of a story I used to read to the boys when they were little but it was a bear and a mouse. It made me cry when I watched it.

Thoughts go to all those who will spend Xmas alone whether by choice or not. I can't imagine how my dad feels waking up every morning in an empty house and on Christmas morning and New Year's Day, well, I really don't know how he keeps going or anyone else in his position.

X

 

[almin]

I am in the same position as your father.

Still have overwhelming feeling of relief that Pat is suffering no longer, and gratitude I was able to look after her until the end. I can go out shopping without the burden of how we are going to cope in the future. It saddens me that I have a future now, but not with one who meant so much to me.

Almin

 

[drmclarke]

There is something uniquely guilt-inducing about Christmas, isn't there? My siblings and I were all desperately worried about leaving Mum alone on Christmas Day, feeling it would be a betrayal... We've managed to arrange a special 'Mum' Christmas the previous weekend...we'll turn up with tinsel, tree, turkey and trimmings and stay all day, giving h
er a replica of Christmas from when we were all kids. She will have no idea it's not 25th December, so it doesn't matter. Most importantly it means that all of us can take 25th Dec to be with our 'own' families, getting a rare, vital chance to recharge our batteries...... hope it works!

 

[chris53]

I am in the same position as your father.

Still have overwhelming feeling of relief that Pat is suffering no longer, and gratitude I was able to look after her until the end. I can go out shopping without the burden of how we are going to cope in the future. It saddens me that I have a future now, but not with one who meant so much to me.

Almin

Dear Almin, you have found peace and the long and hard battle finally came to an end, I only have mum and mum in law in the world of dementia, not my husband, my heart goes out to you and everyone who has their other half who sadly has changed. Will be thinking of you, take care.
Chris