A nice little holiday

[Noorza]

For those who aren't regulars, background is brother keeps taking mum's savings. She saves up a little couple of grand, he comes up with sob story and takes it all leaving her broke. Last year he left her with £300 in the bank then took the wife and two kids for a long weekend to be beside the seaside with her money, money he said he needed to keep a roof over the kids head, so he lied to get her savings.

Mum was beside herself with worry that her grandchildren would be living on the streets so gave him the money.

He's done it again this year I stopped what he could get out on her pin, so in return he took her to the bank, was "given" another grand and had me removed as POA at the bank. (I am currently, belatedly, now taking on the bank over this as it's registered due to losing capacity).

Mum has late stage heart disease and difficulty breathing, so when I saw an ashtray with fag ends in it I asked who was smoking in her lounge, she said it was my brother and told me about the lovely long weekend he'd had at the seaside with the wife and kids. Seriously unimpressed with anyone smoking around her, it's a lovely summer sit in the garden.

He has not paid one penny back, not one penny, but told mum he may be able to start paying her back in 2014 when he's paid his other bills off. Mum is very poorly, she is wanting to go privately as she's in so much pain and he's had her savings. It's the fourth time he's done this. The first twice were pre dementia so I left it between Mum and him, I didn't approve and let mum know to keep her money for her needs, but it was two adults what could I do? Now she has dementia and I'm her PoA it is my business.

I am fuming.

 

[Izzy]

Goodness Noorza. That sounds awful. I have absolutely no experience in this but is that not deprivation of assets at the basic minimum? Sorry no help just much sympathy. x

 

[CollegeGirl]

Noorza, I'm not surprised you are fuming. How anyone can do this to someone else - let alone their own mother - is beyond belief.

Could you contact a solicitor for some advice on how to protect any future savings that your mum may build up?

And how could he have you removed as PoA at the bank? Surely only a court or some legal authority could do this? (Sorry, not sure who grants PoA.). Taking on the bank is all you need - not.

You have my every sympathy, but not sure how to help you. Wish I could.

 

[Noorza]

Thanks Izzy, he disgusts me, my own brother disgusts me. Another brother has now fallen out with him too. They were close, I thought we were too but I won't stand back and let him take his own mum's life savings again and she's built up another little pot so is ripe for the picking.

Still I've started off the process of fighting the bank and had already written to the Office of the Public Guardian to ask them to give me a letter or an email stating that I am the REGISTERED PoA and the bank can't remove a REGISTERED PoA only an unregistered one.

Then I've got the email of the CEO and loads of advise from people on this site as to what to write then the bank are going to get it both guns blazing. It's the strongest I've felt since my brother got me removed (by manipulating Mum) as PoA, sister was backing him up as she wanted it (in her ever so fraudulent dreams she'll persuade a dementia patient to hand her PoA without a court order).

So at last I have the courage to protect Mum, the wotzit will hit the fan but somehow him doing it again has given me the strength to stop being such a coward and do what I should have done months ago.

 

[Noorza]

Noorza, I'm not surprised you are fuming. How anyone can do this to someone else - let alone their own mother - is beyond belief.

Could you contact a solicitor for some advice on how to protect any future savings that your mum may build up?

And how could he have you removed as PoA at the bank? Surely only a court or some legal authority could do this? (Sorry, not sure who grants PoA.). Taking on the bank is all you need - not.

You have my every sympathy, but not sure how to help you. Wish I could.

I have the Enduring PoA which can be removed when it hasn't been registered, but it has to be registered when the person starts to lose capacity and when that is done it has to go through the Court of Protection.

He was taking the maximum out with mum's permission daily using her card and her pin so I reduced what he could take out to £50 a day, still enough, but it is not £250, then took mum to town when he realised what he'd done, got mum to remove me so that I now can't see what he's taking. Though I check her bank statements when I visit her, so know she's saved again.

I am happy for her to spend it on anything for herself, I've even suggested a trip to Lourdes but I can't stand seeing her taken advantage of and fleeced.

Still at least it's fired me out of my own cowardice.

 

[Noorza]

Goodness Noorza. That sounds awful. I have absolutely no experience in this but is that not deprivation of assets at the basic minimum? Sorry no help just much sympathy. x

I see your status is now volunteer host - many congratulations.

 

[Izzy]

I see your status is now volunteer host - many congratulations.

I've been a host for a while now Noorza!! Thanks anyway!

 

[Noorza]

I've been a host for a while now Noorza!! Thanks anyway!

I've always been a bit on the slow side

I actually feel empowered after months of being so scared of upsetting mum I've felt completely impotent. The bank have done wrong by my Mum, now they pay. I'm going to demand they replace the £1,000 taken the day they removed me as PoA.

It feels good.

 

[Izzy]

So it should Noora. They should be paying compensation as well I think. They were in the wrong.

 

[LYN T]

Go for it Noorza

Take it to the the top, get your Mum's money back from the bank, and let them chase your brother.

You sound so strong-well done you

Take care

Lyn T

 

[Noorza]

Go for it Noorza

Take it to the the top, get your Mum's money back from the bank, and let them chase your brother.

You sound so strong-well done you


Take care

Lyn T

Thanks Lyn I've been weak and let this go for far too long. I don't know why this holiday makes me madder than the last one they took on mum's savings, I think it's wound me up more as he got mum to remove me as PoA, he got his wife to phone to say it was a loan, they only took it as they were on their uppers and desperate, they both feel bad and it will be repaid from his first month's wages.

He's told everyone me included he's on a grand a week. Six months on nothing repaid, they've had another holiday and mum's got a little pot of money ready again for the taking.

I am probably going to need a lot of support about this. I am only glad that a couple of years ago I she gave me a few thousand which I'd always refused, but knowing my brother and sister were dysfunctional I took it. It was in an account with power of attorney only to sign but then sister and I trust her as much as I trust my brother.

I spent in on the most wonderful wetroom (part grant for the basic one) but she's got a really beautiful one and a riser recliner chair as she can't sleep in bed any more. I have a little left for emergencies for her but my brother knows he can't get his hands on it as he has to get through me first.

She is in a lot of pain and fed up with the NHS (don't think private will help) but she wants to try so that money can be used for that.

It's awful that I have to go through this just to keep my mum's money for my mum's use.

 

[CollegeGirl]

I so admire you for having the determination to see this through for your mum, Noorza. We're all behind you. Strength in numbers xx

 

[Noorza]

I so admire you for having the determination to see this through for your mum, Noorza. We're all behind you. Strength in numbers xx

I'll be posting frantically if the bank contact mum, as sister will twist it for sure.

I am almost sure the bank should not contact mum as being registered PoA they should have to follow my instructions and not mum's that is the whole point of the complaint.

I also don't want them to freeze mum's account, that scares me as Mum will go mad, literally.

 

[CollegeGirl]

There are so many things to take into account, aren't there? I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm so sorry to say this, but I despise what your brother has done. It's repugnant. How does he sleep at night?

 

[Noorza]

There are so many things to take into account, aren't there? I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm so sorry to say this, but I despise what your brother has done. It's repugnant. How does he sleep at night?

Please do not apologise to me, I sometimes wonder is it me who is in the wrong and if Mum wants to give him all her savings over and over then she should. When people like you give me a reality check it just reminds me that he is telling a confused old woman with dementia stories that she believes about her grand kids being on the street then going on his little jaunts.

Don't apologise for telling the truth. It is repugnant.

What I am sure of is the legally I have done it all right, I've kept the CoP and OotPG informed throughout and taken their advice at every stage. I wish I could afford to hire a solicitor but I can't.

 

[CollegeGirl]

Yes, they are very expensive.

I agree that your mum is perfectly entitled to give her money away to anyone she pleases, if she was being told the truth and if she was of perfectly sound mind to make that generous gift to someone.

But she isn't, and she may very well need that money - her own money! - to keep herself comfortable at some point. Basically I feel she is being robbed! Is that too strong a word?

 

[Noorza]

Yes, they are very expensive.

I agree that your mum is perfectly entitled to give her money away to anyone she pleases, if she was being told the truth and if she was of perfectly sound mind to make that generous gift to someone.

But she isn't, and she may very well need that money - her own money! - to keep herself comfortable at some point. Basically I feel she is being robbed! Is that too strong a word?

Not at all, that's how I feel, she just doesn't realise she's being robbed but that is her dementia.

If she embarks on private health care for her legs, they are swollen, looked like they've been scalded, the skin is now broken, the rash that is there has spread all over her body and she is itching from head to toe. I've taken her to the nurse practitioner on Friday, the out of hours on Sunday, I insisted a GP saw her today. She is insistent she wants to see a skin specialist. I think it's not her skin but something inside affecting her skin as she has so many organs failing her now, her heart, her kidneys, diabetes, her brain with brain vessel damage, vascular and senile dementia, that I know something is very wrong but I doubt it's her skin.


I will take her to any specialist the GP recommends and pay for her to have the treatment privately out of the little I have left of her money. The £9k my brother has taken overall would go a long way to maybe keeping her out of pain but she wont see that again, some taken pre dementia some post dementia. But it's gone, I just have to stop him taking it any more.

 

[CollegeGirl]

Wishing you all the luck in the world with this, Noorza. Stay strong, you know you are in the right, and we're all behind you.

Justice will prevail.

 

[kellybonnie]

Hi,
It is so sad to hear what is going on with your mother and your brother. Maybe your local Social Services could help Under safeguarding of a vulnerable adult. We are contacting ours to see what they can do to help with my Granmar to help keep her finances safe from her son.

 

[Noorza]

Hi,
It is so sad to hear what is going on with your mother and your brother. Maybe your local Social Services could help Under safeguarding of a vulnerable adult. We are contacting ours to see what they can do to help with my Granmar to help keep her finances safe from her son.

Sadly their advice is to involve the police, which I can't do as it will hurt mum. I want mum to be safe and happy and if I make her miserable doing the right thing, I fail, talk about catch 22. I am taking on the bank though.