I don't often post but read the forum a lot. However, some of you may recall that I moved my 90/91-year old parents from Herts to Hampshire last September. Mum has vascular dementia and Dad is very frail. They were in the flat for 5 weeks before both fell and the result of this was that Mum sent into respite while Dad was in hospital for 3 weeks. She settled really well and the opinion of all was that she should stay there. But Dad had other ideas (understandably) and she finally came home for a trial in January; this was after her social worker had assessed her in the home and given the go-ahead. During the week that Mum was back in the flat the paramedics came out twice in six days; the first time Dad fell, was on the floor all night with a phone next to him and refused to use it to summon help as he was somehow hoping he would be able to get up and clear all the mess so that no-one would know about the catastrophic start to the week. Of course this was a pipe dream but at least the ambulance crew decided he was mobile enough to remain in the flat. The second time Dad managed to overdose on opiates and was kept in hospital for three days. Back to the home for Mum.
Not surprisingly both the CPN and psychiatrist agree that Mum should remain where she is as this is definitely in the best interests of all concerned. The CPN was therefore asked by the psychiatrist to set up a best interests meeting, (Dad, of course, vehemently denying that the trial week had been anything but unlucky). Well, apparently the social worker said SS did not want to become involved, the CPN has spoken to his manager and he has reiterated that, as Mum and Dad are self-funding, they will not be involved with any meeting. As a novice I am not clear whether this means the meeting cannot actually go ahead (I only know the above as the CPN left a message on my phone on Friday and I did not get to it early enough to ring him back for further elucidation) and where this puts us in the debate with Dad as to where Mum should be.
I fully understand Dad's position; they have been married for 67 years and he wants to be with Mum but it is just not practicable without HUGE involvement (i.e. virtually living with them) from myself as well as carers four times a day. Mum is mobile and can converse but can do nothing for herself and all her old obsessions (going back to Herts, money etc) reassert themselves as soon as she is in a home environment with Dad. He may be able to handle this but I am a different character and find it very wearing and stressful. I know most of you on here have far more patience and much greater problems than me but I also know that you will understand me when I say that I have neared carer breakdown a couple of times in the past and have no wish to revisit that territory.
Anyway, I digress. Regardless of the way I feel about the whole thing what I would like to know is whether SS can actually refuse any involvement in the decision of whether it is in the best interests of an elderly, vulnerable lady to return home to live with a very frail 91-year old husband who has a huge daily drug intake that he seems not to be managing sensibly (despite carer involvement and nomad pack from chemist) and who walks with a frame and sleeps most of the day. Every time I think we have reached some sort of sensible situation with it all it blows up again.
So sorry for this - I really feel guilty for not being able to cope with it but I am just run ragged trying to keep it all together. Yesterday I drove a huge van up to the middle of London with my son's belongings as he (finally!) moved out again after two years. I love him dearly but at least that is one less thing to worry about!
Jenny
Not surprisingly both the CPN and psychiatrist agree that Mum should remain where she is as this is definitely in the best interests of all concerned. The CPN was therefore asked by the psychiatrist to set up a best interests meeting, (Dad, of course, vehemently denying that the trial week had been anything but unlucky). Well, apparently the social worker said SS did not want to become involved, the CPN has spoken to his manager and he has reiterated that, as Mum and Dad are self-funding, they will not be involved with any meeting. As a novice I am not clear whether this means the meeting cannot actually go ahead (I only know the above as the CPN left a message on my phone on Friday and I did not get to it early enough to ring him back for further elucidation) and where this puts us in the debate with Dad as to where Mum should be.
I fully understand Dad's position; they have been married for 67 years and he wants to be with Mum but it is just not practicable without HUGE involvement (i.e. virtually living with them) from myself as well as carers four times a day. Mum is mobile and can converse but can do nothing for herself and all her old obsessions (going back to Herts, money etc) reassert themselves as soon as she is in a home environment with Dad. He may be able to handle this but I am a different character and find it very wearing and stressful. I know most of you on here have far more patience and much greater problems than me but I also know that you will understand me when I say that I have neared carer breakdown a couple of times in the past and have no wish to revisit that territory.
Anyway, I digress. Regardless of the way I feel about the whole thing what I would like to know is whether SS can actually refuse any involvement in the decision of whether it is in the best interests of an elderly, vulnerable lady to return home to live with a very frail 91-year old husband who has a huge daily drug intake that he seems not to be managing sensibly (despite carer involvement and nomad pack from chemist) and who walks with a frame and sleeps most of the day. Every time I think we have reached some sort of sensible situation with it all it blows up again.
So sorry for this - I really feel guilty for not being able to cope with it but I am just run ragged trying to keep it all together. Yesterday I drove a huge van up to the middle of London with my son's belongings as he (finally!) moved out again after two years. I love him dearly but at least that is one less thing to worry about!
Jenny