Sylvia, I get so sad when I read that Dhiren has had an unsettled day. I get so involved reading about each family's ups and downs, at times I feel as if I know each and every one.Keep well and keep safe, Maureen.x.
A life in the day of.........................
- Thread starter Grannie G
- Start date
- Status
Hi Sylvia,I'm so sorry you had such a difficult visit today.
The next visit will be better, I'm sure. Well done for staying two and a half hours. That must have been really trying.
We have taken Mum in today. Supposed to be respite but I'm pretty sure it will be permanent cause I can't see lil bro coping with the pressure any more.
The home is lovely. More than enough carers. She has a key worker and they will check her every hour during the night so I know she won't be calling for me and no-one answering like it has been with lil bro, whose drgs render him unconscious for the whole night.
I think once you have found somewhere they can be safe and reasonably peaceful, that's the best you can hope for.
I hope your next visit will be better.
Big hugs
Maggie
Thanks everyone.
On Friday and Saturday I`m at Tesco`s for the Big Collection so will be visiting much earlier in the day. Hopefully it will be better.
Maggie, I hope you are all right and your mum will settle. It`s an ordeal and I know you`ll be thinking about her until you are sure she`s contented in her new home.
On Friday and Saturday I`m at Tesco`s for the Big Collection so will be visiting much earlier in the day. Hopefully it will be better.
Maggie, I hope you are all right and your mum will settle. It`s an ordeal and I know you`ll be thinking about her until you are sure she`s contented in her new home.
Dear Sylvia,
Have only just caught up with your thread and read of your visit to Dhiren yesterday. How upsetting it was. But also how heart-rending were his words "I will look after you. You can sit down and I will do all the work." He is so willing and at the same time so unaware of how little he can manage, even to the point of being unable to get out of his chair.
When Brian was in hospital recovering from his stroke three years ago, he constantly demanded to come home with me and I know just how very wearing it can be. And heart-breaking, too.
I do hope you are feeling brighter to-day, as I can imagine you felt pretty low when you got home from the visit. And I hope too that the next visit will be entirely different. Perhaps an early-in-the-day visit (good luck with The Big Collection) will prove to be very much better for both of you. You might even come to prefer them.
Love, Nan XXX
Have only just caught up with your thread and read of your visit to Dhiren yesterday. How upsetting it was. But also how heart-rending were his words "I will look after you. You can sit down and I will do all the work." He is so willing and at the same time so unaware of how little he can manage, even to the point of being unable to get out of his chair.
When Brian was in hospital recovering from his stroke three years ago, he constantly demanded to come home with me and I know just how very wearing it can be. And heart-breaking, too.
I do hope you are feeling brighter to-day, as I can imagine you felt pretty low when you got home from the visit. And I hope too that the next visit will be entirely different. Perhaps an early-in-the-day visit (good luck with The Big Collection) will prove to be very much better for both of you. You might even come to prefer them.
Love, Nan XXX
Thanks Nan.
Dhiren was always very good at looking after me if I was ill. He had much more energy than I had and was happy to do everything. He did all the shopping and all the cooking. He even made packed lunches for me and Paul. The only thing he couldn't do was dust or polish.
Old habits die hard.
I'm referring to the pre hysterectomy days when I was always very tired . It took me all my time to keep up with full time work. I was in bed for 8pm every night.
As for visiting, I prefer to go earlier in the day but, because I take him foodie treats, it spooky his appetite for lunch, which is the main meal of the day. It's why I began to go after lunch so He could eat what I take and still have room for the light meal which is served at tea time.
Sadly I won't be taking part in the Big Collection. There aren't enough volunteers in this area. I was offered Dover or Whitstable but as I don't drive, they are too far to get to.
It is extremely windy here.
Dhiren was always very good at looking after me if I was ill. He had much more energy than I had and was happy to do everything. He did all the shopping and all the cooking. He even made packed lunches for me and Paul. The only thing he couldn't do was dust or polish.
Old habits die hard.
I'm referring to the pre hysterectomy days when I was always very tired . It took me all my time to keep up with full time work. I was in bed for 8pm every night.
As for visiting, I prefer to go earlier in the day but, because I take him foodie treats, it spooky his appetite for lunch, which is the main meal of the day. It's why I began to go after lunch so He could eat what I take and still have room for the light meal which is served at tea time.
Sadly I won't be taking part in the Big Collection. There aren't enough volunteers in this area. I was offered Dover or Whitstable but as I don't drive, they are too far to get to.
It is extremely windy here.
Dear Sylvia,
I seem to recall you saying before that Dhiren did all the shopping and all the cooking - Brian did the shopping and the cooking, too. He enjoyed doing both and for him it was never a chore. I helped in the preparation of veg., etc., but left most of it to him. The girls at work (and I worked part-time, 1 to 5 p.m.) were so envious.
Yes, I can see that foodie treats in the morning would interfere with his ability to put away a good lunch. Plain chocolate Kit-Kats used to be Brian's favourite (and I still have some in the 'fridge) but sadly since he's had trouble with swallowing, which has been for some time now, he simply cannot manage them - everything has to be in puree form or very soft, like yogurt, etc.. And all of his drinks are thickened.
In a way I am glad you are not doing The Big Collection. The forecast for the weekend is not good and the thought of you outside a Tesco store for hours was worrying. And indeed, Dover and Whitstable are far to far away. (I used to live not far from Whitstable in the 1950's. I have "Google-Earthed" the area and see that the cornfields and orchards I used to play in are now all covered over with housing.)
I hope you have had a better day to-day and that your next visit will be a much more peaceful one.
Love and goodnight,
Nan XXX
I seem to recall you saying before that Dhiren did all the shopping and all the cooking - Brian did the shopping and the cooking, too. He enjoyed doing both and for him it was never a chore. I helped in the preparation of veg., etc., but left most of it to him. The girls at work (and I worked part-time, 1 to 5 p.m.) were so envious.
Yes, I can see that foodie treats in the morning would interfere with his ability to put away a good lunch. Plain chocolate Kit-Kats used to be Brian's favourite (and I still have some in the 'fridge) but sadly since he's had trouble with swallowing, which has been for some time now, he simply cannot manage them - everything has to be in puree form or very soft, like yogurt, etc.. And all of his drinks are thickened.
In a way I am glad you are not doing The Big Collection. The forecast for the weekend is not good and the thought of you outside a Tesco store for hours was worrying. And indeed, Dover and Whitstable are far to far away. (I used to live not far from Whitstable in the 1950's. I have "Google-Earthed" the area and see that the cornfields and orchards I used to play in are now all covered over with housing.)
I hope you have had a better day to-day and that your next visit will be a much more peaceful one.
Love and goodnight,
Nan XXX
Post #12803
It has been suggested the difference between the visit, recorded in the Post above, and other visits, might have been because I was unable to enter Dhiren`s world as I usually try to do.
So was the change with me rather than with Dhiren?
I accept I seemed unable to enter his world, but thought it was because I wanted to convince him the people making him nervous were on the TV and not a threat.
But it is not my usual strategy and I could not understand why.
Sitting quietly and resting, composing myself before getting ready to visit, I now know what might have happened.
I had a Senior Citizen Forum AGM prior to my visit. I am on the Committee so had left the house early to help prepare for the meeting.
Although the meeting was considered a success, for me it was a disaster.
It was held in a Church. A beautiful, modern , bright Church, the seating rearranged to accommodate a Function.
That was the first thing wrong for me. I have no religion but seeing tables and chairs set out in the middle of a church just didn`t seem right.
We were providing a buffet lunch, again in the church, and that didn`t seem right either.
And on top of it all, even though there was an amplified sound system, it was useless to me and I had big problems hearing. So I dreaded anyone asking me a question and was unable to take part in any discussion.
So prior to visiting Dhiren I had been through four hours of stress which I now see affected my behaviour with him.
This is a very long winded post I know but it sheds light on how outside influences affect my behaviour.
I hope others might be able to relate to it and it might be of help.
It has been suggested the difference between the visit, recorded in the Post above, and other visits, might have been because I was unable to enter Dhiren`s world as I usually try to do.
So was the change with me rather than with Dhiren?
I accept I seemed unable to enter his world, but thought it was because I wanted to convince him the people making him nervous were on the TV and not a threat.
But it is not my usual strategy and I could not understand why.
Sitting quietly and resting, composing myself before getting ready to visit, I now know what might have happened.
I had a Senior Citizen Forum AGM prior to my visit. I am on the Committee so had left the house early to help prepare for the meeting.
Although the meeting was considered a success, for me it was a disaster.
It was held in a Church. A beautiful, modern , bright Church, the seating rearranged to accommodate a Function.
That was the first thing wrong for me. I have no religion but seeing tables and chairs set out in the middle of a church just didn`t seem right.
We were providing a buffet lunch, again in the church, and that didn`t seem right either.
And on top of it all, even though there was an amplified sound system, it was useless to me and I had big problems hearing. So I dreaded anyone asking me a question and was unable to take part in any discussion.
So prior to visiting Dhiren I had been through four hours of stress which I now see affected my behaviour with him.
This is a very long winded post I know but it sheds light on how outside influences affect my behaviour.
I hope others might be able to relate to it and it might be of help.
Sylvia, hello
I can certainly relate to how your mood, tension, energy levels, etc. affect your visits, they certainly affect how hubby is with me or I am with hubby or generally affect everything.
I hope your next meeting is at a different venue that is more fitting and condusive.
I hope you have a good weekend now your plans have changed.
With kind regards from Jo
I can certainly relate to how your mood, tension, energy levels, etc. affect your visits, they certainly affect how hubby is with me or I am with hubby or generally affect everything.
I hope your next meeting is at a different venue that is more fitting and condusive.
I hope you have a good weekend now your plans have changed.
With kind regards from Jo
Ah, Sylvia, I think you may have hit the nail exactly on its head. Four hours of stress, feeling that things weren't right (and I would have had all the same feelings as you, the meeting set up in a church, plus buffet), the not being able to hear properly and not therefore being able to fully take part - I know that I would have been feeling pretty shredded too. I expect Dhiren picked up on that and the fact that you didn't deal with his "problem people" quite as you might normally have done.
Best to put that particular visit behind you. I hope to-day's has gone much, much better and that you get home feeling comfortable and peaceful. I know you will have gone out of your way to achieve those feelings in Dhiren.
Yes, Brian's slide down the dementia road seems to have really picked up speed over the last few months, probably because he has so many other things wrong with him as well, the dementia itself having been triggered by his underlying illness. Needless to say, after the magical visit of last Sunday, he is back to his very slow-to-respond self, but is still giving me the occasional beaming smile, which is lovely.
Love, Nan XXX
Best to put that particular visit behind you. I hope to-day's has gone much, much better and that you get home feeling comfortable and peaceful. I know you will have gone out of your way to achieve those feelings in Dhiren.
Yes, Brian's slide down the dementia road seems to have really picked up speed over the last few months, probably because he has so many other things wrong with him as well, the dementia itself having been triggered by his underlying illness. Needless to say, after the magical visit of last Sunday, he is back to his very slow-to-respond self, but is still giving me the occasional beaming smile, which is lovely.
Love, Nan XXX
A life in the day of .........
Hi Sylvia, I too am sorry your visit with Dhirren was not as good as you expected and can appreciated how you must feel when you are going in to visit. Every morning when I wake I think of what kind of a day I am going to have; how will John be today. The unpredictability of this illness is unbelieveable.
I am so sorry you had four hours of stress before your visit. I am sending a really big hug and hope that when you see Dhirren next, you will get a nice surprise and find him a little more settled.
June x
Hi Sylvia, I too am sorry your visit with Dhirren was not as good as you expected and can appreciated how you must feel when you are going in to visit. Every morning when I wake I think of what kind of a day I am going to have; how will John be today. The unpredictability of this illness is unbelieveable.
I am so sorry you had four hours of stress before your visit. I am sending a really big hug and hope that when you see Dhirren next, you will get a nice surprise and find him a little more settled.
June x
Thank you Jo, Nan and June.
Today`s visit was also quite difficult even though I was prepared. Dhiren was quite agitated and continuously, for over two hours, was trying to get up out of his chair to go home.
When I usually say he needs to build up his strength to walk he is accepting, but today he told me I was mental and was scornful.
I still find this language upsetting.
I asked staff how they felt and was told he`d been agitated for a few days and has had a blood and urine test for infection. So we`ll see what the outcome is.
By the time I was ready to leave he was so tired from trying to get up from his chair, he let me go without making a fuss.
Today`s visit was also quite difficult even though I was prepared. Dhiren was quite agitated and continuously, for over two hours, was trying to get up out of his chair to go home.
When I usually say he needs to build up his strength to walk he is accepting, but today he told me I was mental and was scornful.
I still find this language upsetting.
I asked staff how they felt and was told he`d been agitated for a few days and has had a blood and urine test for infection. So we`ll see what the outcome is.
By the time I was ready to leave he was so tired from trying to get up from his chair, he let me go without making a fuss.
Oh, Sylvia, another disappointing visit.
I am so sorry.
Perhaps he does have an infection brewing.
I hope the test results come through fairly quickly.
Why is it there's always a weekend in the way when these things arise?
I hope you are not feeling too down.
Thinking of you and sending love,
Nan XXX
I am so sorry.
Perhaps he does have an infection brewing.
I hope the test results come through fairly quickly.
Why is it there's always a weekend in the way when these things arise?
I hope you are not feeling too down.
Thinking of you and sending love,
Nan XXX
Hello Nan
Paul came round tonight and we had a good chat about Dhiren as I was unable to hide how upset I was.
If Dhiren does have an infection, antibiotics will clear it . If it is not an infection, thinking rationally, we have had a good run and a long period of stability.
As much as I have tried to prepare myself for a downturn, I am a wimp when I see him unhappy and agitated. But others have got through worse and I shall have to come to terms with whatever is sent our way.
Paul came round tonight and we had a good chat about Dhiren as I was unable to hide how upset I was.
If Dhiren does have an infection, antibiotics will clear it . If it is not an infection, thinking rationally, we have had a good run and a long period of stability.
As much as I have tried to prepare myself for a downturn, I am a wimp when I see him unhappy and agitated. But others have got through worse and I shall have to come to terms with whatever is sent our way.
Dear Sylvia, I am so glad you have been able to talk things over with Paul. So much better than brooding about it by yourself. Every down-turn is upsetting, you feel once again that the goal-posts have been moved and you must adapt all over again ...
But perhaps it will turn out to be an infection and antibiotics may be able to sort it out after a few days. I do hope that is the case.
I hope you will be able to sleep well, after sharing your troubles with Paul.
Love, Nan XXX
But perhaps it will turn out to be an infection and antibiotics may be able to sort it out after a few days. I do hope that is the case.
I hope you will be able to sleep well, after sharing your troubles with Paul.
Love, Nan XXX
Hello, Sylvia,
How I feel for you tonight. It must be so upsetting to have had such stressful visits-2 in a row. It doesn't necessarily mean that they will all be like this, though. And it could easily be an infection. I know when Mum is poorly her blood sugar goes up and she is cranky in the extreme. It seems to come down just as quickly so please don't despair. You're doing so well in coping with the situation. You're such an inspiration to me.
Mum went in like a lamb on Wednesday. She had her hair done on Thursday, had a shower (!) this morning and is eating them out of house and home. I think she imagines she's in a posh hotel. She has expressed concern for my lil bro and her carers have said, 'I've seen him-he's fine, don't worry' Bless them for that little lie, they haven't seen him but he is fine and she needn't worry. I'm looking out for him.
I've been advised not to visit for a week to allow her to settle. That's the hardest thing-I keep looking at the clock with a start thinking that it's time for me to go cause she's been alone for too long. Then I realise that she's not at home any more, she's quite safe and I relax a bit. Still not sleeping well, though.
The hardest thing is that my sister is so upset and won't co-operate with anything. I guess I just have to give her time to adjust. She wanted Mum to stay at home right to the end. She's gutted that I've put her in a home.
I keep saying I'll start a thread on the main board but so many have been through this now and I should be a 'big girl' and just get on with it.
Bless you, Sylvia, for sharing your journey with us. I'm wondering how I will break the news to Mum that this is more than respite. I daren't use your idea of her having to get stronger and build herself up-she's eating for England as it is!
BIG HUGS,
Maggie
How I feel for you tonight. It must be so upsetting to have had such stressful visits-2 in a row. It doesn't necessarily mean that they will all be like this, though. And it could easily be an infection. I know when Mum is poorly her blood sugar goes up and she is cranky in the extreme. It seems to come down just as quickly so please don't despair. You're doing so well in coping with the situation. You're such an inspiration to me.
Mum went in like a lamb on Wednesday. She had her hair done on Thursday, had a shower (!) this morning and is eating them out of house and home.
I think she imagines she's in a posh hotel. She has expressed concern for my lil bro and her carers have said, 'I've seen him-he's fine, don't worry' Bless them for that little lie, they haven't seen him but he is fine and she needn't worry. I'm looking out for him. I've been advised not to visit for a week to allow her to settle. That's the hardest thing-I keep looking at the clock with a start thinking that it's time for me to go cause she's been alone for too long.
Then I realise that she's not at home any more, she's quite safe and I relax a bit. Still not sleeping well, though.The hardest thing is that my sister is so upset and won't co-operate with anything. I guess I just have to give her time to adjust. She wanted Mum to stay at home right to the end. She's gutted that I've put her in a home.
I keep saying I'll start a thread on the main board but so many have been through this now and I should be a 'big girl' and just get on with it.
Bless you, Sylvia, for sharing your journey with us. I'm wondering how I will break the news to Mum that this is more than respite. I daren't use your idea of her having to get stronger and build herself up-she's eating for England as it is!
BIG HUGS,
Maggie
Dear Sylvia
I've been catchng up with your thread and sorry about the not good visits with Dhiren.
Henry had had such a bad downturn after going into hospital, and it never improved. Then when even worse after last month's diabetes crisis I was in despair, and the doctor had said he may not return to what he was before. Yet today he was amazing. The best he has been for ages. In some respects if not all. I couldn't believe it.
Tomorow could be quite different again.
We do try to prepare ourselves for downturns, but when they happen we are are not as prepared as we had hoped. However, do not lose hope. The stability could return. I do hope it does.
As the saying goes, prepare for the worst but hope for the best.
Loo xx
I've been catchng up with your thread and sorry about the not good visits with Dhiren.
Although I do not wish Dhiren to have an infection, as you say if he has then the anti-biotics will clear it and then he would be back to his better self. If not an infection, don't lose heart, it may not be a downturn. Dementia is so unpredictible, it could be a 'passing phase'.
Henry had had such a bad downturn after going into hospital, and it never improved. Then when even worse after last month's diabetes crisis I was in despair, and the doctor had said he may not return to what he was before. Yet today he was amazing. The best he has been for ages. In some respects if not all. I couldn't believe it.
Tomorow could be quite different again.
We do try to prepare ourselves for downturns, but when they happen we are are not as prepared as we had hoped. However, do not lose hope. The stability could return. I do hope it does.
As the saying goes, prepare for the worst but hope for the best.
Loo xx
Last edited:
So sorry Sylvia - thinking of you.
Did the staff ask for tests without you requesting them? I'm amazed. That's good care, if so.
Really hoping Dihren settles xx
Did the staff ask for tests without you requesting them? I'm amazed. That's good care, if so.
Really hoping Dihren settles xx
It looks like a few of us are having sleeping problems tonight. I`ve been lying awake for at least an hour so have made a drink.
Yes Pied, the tests were done without my asking for which I`m most grateful. I`ve just got to try to do something about the TV being on all the time.
Hope you get some sleep.
Yes Pied, the tests were done without my asking for which I`m most grateful. I`ve just got to try to do something about the TV being on all the time.
Hope you get some sleep.
- Status
