i am having some bad days then i get desperate and something good happens and i take a break from feeling miserable, but then again misery comes back. i suppose it's gonna be like that for as long as it takes...
but i am also starting to withdraw from relatives. i rarely visit my aunt whom we used to visit 1-2 times a week. i haven't been there maybe for more than a month. i feel bad about it but i just don't wanna go there anymore. i just don't wanna visit anyone. i have asked this aunt to look after my mother for a week or more so that i could go away but she said she could just do it for a weekend. i know she has her own problems and things to take care but i felt let down.
i have asked my uncle to come and visit my mother in regular intervals (he visits anyway) but he said when i need something to let him know. i "need" every day... if he could come for 2 afternoons a week, even 1 i could just go out and feel free good because my mother would be with someone.
then this same uncle although i have nagged and complained about all the situation to him, said once that he would prefer to lose his memory than be in pain.
darn... he said that in my home! i just wanna cry...
he lost his son and his daughter in law so "losing" his memory would be a way to forget all his pain... but what he said just made me understand he knows nothing of all the pain the carer and patient suffer. it's not that the patient is happy not remembering anything... why can't they get that........
i want all the relatives to know that they have left me, they have dumped me ... they have no idea what i get through every day...
i haven't told them that my mother got lost last week, or that she fell down or that she hit her head on a drawer.
they all have their difficulties but they are not alone. i am alone with my mother. and i feel very very alone...
i envy my friend that she took care of her sister when she was ill. she would stay at her home together with her mother to look after her.
i envy another friend of mine who had her MIL in the hospital for surgery. she would tell me in a relaxed manner that the family was taking shifts in the hospital so that the MIL will not be left alone...
i dread the mere thought that my mother may need to be hospitalized or get sick in any other way.
i am in a down bla bla mood...
thanx for listening.
but i am also starting to withdraw from relatives. i rarely visit my aunt whom we used to visit 1-2 times a week. i haven't been there maybe for more than a month. i feel bad about it but i just don't wanna go there anymore. i just don't wanna visit anyone. i have asked this aunt to look after my mother for a week or more so that i could go away but she said she could just do it for a weekend. i know she has her own problems and things to take care but i felt let down.
i have asked my uncle to come and visit my mother in regular intervals (he visits anyway) but he said when i need something to let him know. i "need" every day... if he could come for 2 afternoons a week, even 1 i could just go out and feel free good because my mother would be with someone.
then this same uncle although i have nagged and complained about all the situation to him, said once that he would prefer to lose his memory than be in pain.
darn... he said that in my home! i just wanna cry...
he lost his son and his daughter in law so "losing" his memory would be a way to forget all his pain... but what he said just made me understand he knows nothing of all the pain the carer and patient suffer. it's not that the patient is happy not remembering anything... why can't they get that........
i want all the relatives to know that they have left me, they have dumped me ... they have no idea what i get through every day...
i haven't told them that my mother got lost last week, or that she fell down or that she hit her head on a drawer.
they all have their difficulties but they are not alone. i am alone with my mother. and i feel very very alone...
i envy my friend that she took care of her sister when she was ill. she would stay at her home together with her mother to look after her.
i envy another friend of mine who had her MIL in the hospital for surgery. she would tell me in a relaxed manner that the family was taking shifts in the hospital so that the MIL will not be left alone...
i dread the mere thought that my mother may need to be hospitalized or get sick in any other way.
i am in a down bla bla mood...
thanx for listening.