I am struggling and I know it is going to get so much harder. I would say we are mid stages; can't do paper work, days of the week, month, repetition becoming more and more, circle of friends down to 3 (I know that is good for some men) - repetition "what are we getting the children for Christmas" maybe 30 times over 12 hours, he is lonely, massively depressed (wants to end it all) and this seems to be repeated constantly in what he is saying, asking me questions constantly, it is only ever questions "have you seen my" "How do I" "What are you doing today?" Questions only not a proper converstation any more. I still try and work, I am self employed and need to work mentally and financially as we have 2 children who are university age. It is so hard to describe in words the impact of him on our daily lives, I feel guilty constantly as I just can't make him happy, I am totally worn down by him, I am known for being bubbly and upbeat but I am ageing by the day, I am lonely, not depressed, yet, but don't think I am far off, and part of me wants to run far, far away. I have hated coming home from being out for years, he is always there, I am never at home alone, home is not home. We sleep separately now as I can't handle the night terrors (and kicking that can come with that), the anxiety. Anxiety is one of the worst parts, he feels useless, but it is totally overwhelming to be around. I feel selfish having strong feelings of "this is so damn hard", I feel lonely, I don't know how to do this. I do however have an appointment with the memory clinic this week and I have it in my head to almost lay a bit of law down saying "Help" please, I cannot be the only one dealing with his mental health every single day, it is destroying me, it is affecting my child and other children.