They treated her for a UTI but later discovered the antibiotic hadn't worked so they're trying a different one. I hope that helps.
So sad
- Thread starter Milvus
- Start date
It's so sad to see this happen and so much is out of our control. Even when you know you've made the only decision possible it's not easy.My mother was undiagosed, living alone, going out, completely independent though increasingly struggling with her memory, planning, household appliances, etc. But she was OK! Then she tripped and fell getting off a bus and ended up in hospital. She'd bumped her head though it wasn't a bad injury. However, from the moment I saw her in hospital I knew she could never return home. She was completely delusional and very much the same subject matter as your mum! Family tragedies, mistreatment, violence, being made to walk around 'the place' naked - exactly the same!
3 months later she was realeased from hosptial and I moved her to a care home. She never recovered really.
At first we were able to take her out for meals, short walks, etc, as she was still very mobile. But her cognition made this very difficult and she became incontinent and later broke her hip when another resident pushed her over.
I suppose what I'm saying is that people with dementia can take a big downturn for many reasons - sometimes it's just progression of the disease. (I'll never know if mum maybe had a TIA and that made her fall off the bus, or whether the (minor) head injury caused the deterioration.) If you'd taken photos of my mother the day before she fell and 3 months later when she moved to the CH, anyone would be shocked by the difference. She was greatly diminished in stature and looked 20 years older, with a wild look in her eyes.
Mum did not enjoy her time at the care home - almost three years. She was always angry, always unhappy, wanted to be anywhere but there. I'm afraid I never found any answers other than 'the doctor says...' etc. And all the delusions about family accidents, care home atrocities, etc, continued right to the end
I'm so sorry. It's heartbreaking seeing our loved ones deteriorate. Thinking of you x
Last edited:
I have just read your post and I feel for you in this difficult and horrible situation. My Mum went into a home which she had seen and agreed to try. Within a couple of weeks she was totally delusional and accusing me of trying to murder her. She was prescribed anti depressants and in Mum’s case they did work to an extent.
obviously the UTI has not helped either.
You mentioned your Mum can no longer hold a conversation - I just wondered if she talks but none of it make sense or she does not talk. I ‘natter’ with my Mum, very little makes sense and I have to try and keep up with whatever the subject matter is. The subject might change several times in a sentence. At the moment Mum will respond and chat as we go through a magazine with lots of pictures in it. Again not a lot of sense but it is an interaction of a kind. Just a thought but my Mum will respond if you ask Mum if she wants a drink for example whereas it appears your Mum isn’t.
On a practical basis - could you get some shelves put up in the room?
Can you apply to be an Essential Care Giver so that you can go in to the home?
Just some thoughts that may or may not help because every person is so different.
Wishing you strength too to get through this.
obviously the UTI has not helped either.
You mentioned your Mum can no longer hold a conversation - I just wondered if she talks but none of it make sense or she does not talk. I ‘natter’ with my Mum, very little makes sense and I have to try and keep up with whatever the subject matter is. The subject might change several times in a sentence. At the moment Mum will respond and chat as we go through a magazine with lots of pictures in it. Again not a lot of sense but it is an interaction of a kind. Just a thought but my Mum will respond if you ask Mum if she wants a drink for example whereas it appears your Mum isn’t.
On a practical basis - could you get some shelves put up in the room?
Can you apply to be an Essential Care Giver so that you can go in to the home?
Just some thoughts that may or may not help because every person is so different.
Wishing you strength too to get through this.
Hello @Milvus
I'm sorry to read about your mum. My mum never settled well in her care home and it has been difficult but we have found regular reviews of medication extremely useful over the years, so it is worth asking the care home manager about this. The Community "Dementia Nurse" has also come up with things which have been helpful so also worth asking if she/he can visit your mum and suggest anything which may improve your mum's quality of life. An anti-depressant like Mirtazapine can be beneficial and sometimes even something like regular paracetamol can make a difference.
Like @Bikerbeth , I have often taken colourful magazines on visits - gardening, clothes, nature, cooking. Anything where you can just point at the pictures and perhaps get a response. My mum has often perked up considerably from just looking at those.
One more thought. Sometimes UTI's are not cleared up completely with the short courses of anti-biotics which are prescribed. It is worth asking the carers to double check that there are no signs of remaining infection. Often a second course of anti-biotics has been needed for my mum.
I'm sorry to read about your mum. My mum never settled well in her care home and it has been difficult but we have found regular reviews of medication extremely useful over the years, so it is worth asking the care home manager about this. The Community "Dementia Nurse" has also come up with things which have been helpful so also worth asking if she/he can visit your mum and suggest anything which may improve your mum's quality of life. An anti-depressant like Mirtazapine can be beneficial and sometimes even something like regular paracetamol can make a difference.
Like @Bikerbeth , I have often taken colourful magazines on visits - gardening, clothes, nature, cooking. Anything where you can just point at the pictures and perhaps get a response. My mum has often perked up considerably from just looking at those.
One more thought. Sometimes UTI's are not cleared up completely with the short courses of anti-biotics which are prescribed. It is worth asking the carers to double check that there are no signs of remaining infection. Often a second course of anti-biotics has been needed for my mum.
Last edited:
It's very concerning. I don't know that the home realises just how much Mum has gone downhill as they didn't know her before. They checked her after the first course of antibiotics and found that she still had an infection so a different antibiotic was tried. We're just hoping that the ability to take her out and about will help her to feel a bit better about life although taking her out could be challenging as she can't work out how to get into or out of a car or how to keep her feet on the wheelchair foot supports, all things we took for granted just a few weeks ago.
Thank you. Mum talks but it makes no sense. She can't follow a train of thought (that was becoming a problem anyway) so there are lots of uncompleted sentences, she has great word finding difficulty and she's so delusional that everything is one big muddle. She gets hugely anxious about things which aren't happening, like thinking she has to help a family move in and has been busy making up beds for them. She is adamant that she has moved out of the home and can't work out how she's going to arrange to meet up with a relative who wants to visit her there. She got totally stressed over arrangements to get her hair cut, etc etc. She really doesn't know what's what any more and ends up in tears because she doesn't know how to cope. If I try to reassure her that she doesn't have to worry about these things and suggest that they're not happening she gets quite cross. This confusion is the only reality she thinks exists so if I challenge it then what is left? She just can't make sense of anything now.
We've asked about bringing one small bookcase in but they will have to assess whether it's a risk to her movement around the room. ? Visiting is less restricted now, thank goodness, at least for outdoor visits.
Well, she might feel better for a haircut. ☺️ I'm certainly hoping it will help Mum as it's been 9 months since she had it cut! She was desperate to have something done to it although recently she's stopped mentioning it.
I know it does not help practically, but that description could also fit my Mum.
I just wondered if shelves would be better as obviously they do not take up floor space and therefore hinder movement around the room
If your mum can't come into your world, the "real" world, you will have to go into hers and find her there. It's not easy and I hope that medication can help with the anxiety she seems to be feeling, assuming there is no infection left. In the meantime, you will probably need to continue with the reassuring - "I see, well I can sort that out this afternoon", "Has she really? That's fine, we can manage that together/tomorrow", "They called me and said they couldn't come for the interview today but will let me know when", "I've just spoken to the manager and the move to China has been cancelled, we've all decided it's much nicer here" . When I was visiting mum every day, I used to tell my husband that I was off to my parallel universe. Different rules, different pace, a fantasy land.
Oh wow! That sounds so unreal and yet that's what's happening with Mum only we haven't been thinking of it as a permanent state, rather as a sudden reaction to the move or the infection which she might recover from and be more like her usual self. The delusions are awful. I was hoping that would clear.
Hmm, possibly, although they would protrude the same distance into the room, just not at ground level.
It may well clear! Infection and/or the move may well be the reason for your mum’s increased confusion (certainly infections play havoc). With my mum, you never knew how things were going to be on a given day and you just had to go with the flow.