My sister,brother,and I are finding it very difficult to explain to our dear auntie who is 86 and has vascular dementia why moving into a home is the best option for her.
She has lived independently in her own little home for twenty plus years and has loved it.In the last year in particular she has shown a deterioration of her memory which has accelerated since the death of our lovely dad in April.Dad too had vascular dementia.She has also been leaving the house and forgetting where she is and where the shops are.She sometimes says that her house is not hers.She has periods of hyperactivity sometimes from late evening to 3 or 4am.We have been reviewing her medication to help to improve her sleeping patterns.She has periods of seeming completely lucid and normal very quickly alternating with periods of being utterly lost and confused-not knowing who she is or those around her.She often says how lonely she is even though in the last few weeks she has probably had more visitors than ever before ie friends of the family and from church and kind neighbours.She forgets these visits.
We have had a live-in carer with her for a few weeks now as my sister who lives 10 minutes walk away could not manage the situation any more.Our auntie has not really got on with the carer -of course finding it difficult to have a stranger living in her own house.The arrangement has certainly mean't she is safer and is a relief but there are still issues.My sister does a huge amount in terms of caring but also needs to work and is reaching breaking point.My brother and I also help in different ways but are unable to do more because of our personal circumstances ie work and location.
We love our auntie very much and would be very happy for her to be able to stay in her own home but unfortunately we feel it has come to a point where this is no longer sustainable or safe and a care home seems the only option.We have begun to broach the subject with her but we find it so difficult to know the right things to say.She has already said on several occasions that she does not want to go into a home and that she will not be 'banished'.She said last weekend that she loved her home and the village and surroundings and felt 'blessed'.It was almost as if she could sense what we are planning.She will then forget conversations that we have had and become lost.
Can anyone suggest how we go about explaining that a home is the best option for her. What words can we use that might convince her to at least try for a while?How do we ensure the minimum distress?
We feel guilty ,selfish,and very sad but we have to do this.
Please can anyone help?
She has lived independently in her own little home for twenty plus years and has loved it.In the last year in particular she has shown a deterioration of her memory which has accelerated since the death of our lovely dad in April.Dad too had vascular dementia.She has also been leaving the house and forgetting where she is and where the shops are.She sometimes says that her house is not hers.She has periods of hyperactivity sometimes from late evening to 3 or 4am.We have been reviewing her medication to help to improve her sleeping patterns.She has periods of seeming completely lucid and normal very quickly alternating with periods of being utterly lost and confused-not knowing who she is or those around her.She often says how lonely she is even though in the last few weeks she has probably had more visitors than ever before ie friends of the family and from church and kind neighbours.She forgets these visits.
We have had a live-in carer with her for a few weeks now as my sister who lives 10 minutes walk away could not manage the situation any more.Our auntie has not really got on with the carer -of course finding it difficult to have a stranger living in her own house.The arrangement has certainly mean't she is safer and is a relief but there are still issues.My sister does a huge amount in terms of caring but also needs to work and is reaching breaking point.My brother and I also help in different ways but are unable to do more because of our personal circumstances ie work and location.
We love our auntie very much and would be very happy for her to be able to stay in her own home but unfortunately we feel it has come to a point where this is no longer sustainable or safe and a care home seems the only option.We have begun to broach the subject with her but we find it so difficult to know the right things to say.She has already said on several occasions that she does not want to go into a home and that she will not be 'banished'.She said last weekend that she loved her home and the village and surroundings and felt 'blessed'.It was almost as if she could sense what we are planning.She will then forget conversations that we have had and become lost.
Can anyone suggest how we go about explaining that a home is the best option for her. What words can we use that might convince her to at least try for a while?How do we ensure the minimum distress?
We feel guilty ,selfish,and very sad but we have to do this.
Please can anyone help?