Understanding

[Gillflo99]

My mother has not been diagnosed yet, has had brain scans though and awaiting an appointment. My Father passed away on Friday. We can not get him the funeral we would like for him in the current COVID situation, I'm having to tell her this over and over again and she's not understanding or, does for a bit then the same topic comes up again and she's breaking her heart about it all over again.I'm living with her just now and we can't get a death certificate get as Scottish government have still to issue registrars with details - so she's listing stuff all the time,have you done this ? And so on - explain again and again - is there an easier way cause it's heartening watching her so distressed? Any advice appreciated

 

[Louise7]

Welcome to the forum, and sorry for your loss at such a difficult time. As you have identified, telling your mother the same thing over and over is making her distressed each time which isn't good for either of you. Sometimes trying to change the subject or distract can break the 'loop' and this thread about compassionate communication is worth a read as it contains a number of techniques which may help you: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/thr...n-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/#post-413710

You'll receive a lot of support here from forum members.

 

[Diane33]

This mu

My mother has not been diagnosed yet, has had brain scans though and awaiting an appointment. My Father passed away on Friday. We can not get him the funeral we would like for him in the current COVID situation, I'm having to tell her this over and over again and she's not understanding or, does for a bit then the same topic comes up again and she's breaking her heart about it all over again.I'm living with her just now and we can't get a death certificate get as Scottish government have still to issue registrars with details - so she's listing stuff all the time,have you done this ? And so on - explain again and again - is there an easier way cause it's heartening watching her so distressed? Any advice appreciated

This must be so hard it’s and it’s dealing with your own grief too. Is your mum able to read. It’s so hard and after you have repeated things and been patient for about the 10th time it’s so hard to stay calm. My mum can read although she forgets soon after reading a note. It definitely helps me and I have made her some simple posters about the current situation. She can’t understand why she can’t do her usual routine. My mum lives with us too but she has been living in her own granny flat for about 10yrs which is joined to our house. She is settled on her own space. This makes things a bit easier I wish you all the best with your currant situation. Our mums are lucky they have us to cari g on caring it’s definitely not the easiest job x

 

[canary]

When she keeps asking "have you done this?" its probably best to fib and say "yes its sorted" rather than trying to explain. She wont remember what you have said, but she will remember the emotion, so its best to stop her getting anxious and upset

 

[Tuddily]

sorry to hear of your loss and the trauma you are going through with your mum. Normally I find a way to be quite honest with my mum but on this occasion I agree with the comment above a fib is probably the answer.
Please take care of yourself aswell allow yourself moments to grieve too. If not it as a habit of hitting you later. I speak from experience. Xxx

 

[Gillflo99]

Thank you very much for your advice - yeah I think I will make a poster that’s a good idea - she blames her glasses for not being able to read but she just got new ones and an eye test a month ago. I have started giving her shorter answers and not explaining everything over again.Thanks for your kind words very helpful