Hello I am new to this forum and though I have been watching for a while, I joined last night. I use an iPad and have found some difficulties navigating how to post threads etc. I am sure I will get the hang. But any tips will be greatfully recieved.
Like everyone I can’t quite believe I am in this situation and mostly, I am making it up on how to deal with it. Firstly my 92 year old mum has vascular dementia and needs 24/7 attention. She lives with my brother and myself (we are in our 60’s)and we all share a lovely home. Neither my brother nor myself are married or have family to call upon. We have a couple of good friends and that’s about all I can call on for emergency help. On New Year’s Day my brother (aged 66) woke up lost.
It seems he also has developed Vascular Dementia but at an alarming rate. (The Doctor cannot officially diagnose this and is somewhat shocked at the speed of decline) Trying to get emergency appointment at the Memory Clinic is just not happening and they have just confirmed the 28th March. A life time away with the rate he is deteriorating everyday. He has totally lost any present awareness can’t really retain anything said or experienced. The last 10years of his life seemed to have been wiped and he just continually mixes days and events from the past with the now. We are self funding so I can’t nor do I trust any help from Social Services after their involvement with my mum. They have abandoned Mum since we went for Direct Payments no health checks or social service contact about her welfare.
Any tips on how to deal with my brothers decline would be gratefully received. He is very hyper-active, continually asking questions or talking mostly about things that did not happen (maybe they are from the past) as if they are current. It is not just one memory but as if his whole past life is cascading through in mind, all jumbled with the present. Mostly I deflect or try to re-direct him but this does not always work. He also engages with my Mum into this surreal world and confuses her more. Sometimes she joins in with the fantasy and I am left feeling the one who has a problem with reality. I am exhausted with his energy and as he seems to have lost directing himself follows me around constantly.
The worst moments are at bed-time when my Brother starts hunting for tablets he must have taken in the past. He gets obsessed with trying to find them, turning all lights in the house on and search cupboards and drawers getting more frustrated and annoyed as I can’t help. It can take over 2 hrs before I can get him upstairs to bed and even then he continues throughout the night hunting for these non-existent tablets. I have tried lots diversions but to no avail. I don’t think a placebo would work as he does take some prescribed tablets in the evening already. I also have a letter from the Doctor listing his medication plus telling him not to take any other tablets. This still does not satisfy him. Mornings are also a problem with the same search but I am able to deflect him more with going for a walk or sorting breakfast out.
At the moment I am exhausted both through the situation, lack of sleep and the seeming lack of support from the NHS.
Any tips or suggestions I would welcome.
Thanks
Like everyone I can’t quite believe I am in this situation and mostly, I am making it up on how to deal with it. Firstly my 92 year old mum has vascular dementia and needs 24/7 attention. She lives with my brother and myself (we are in our 60’s)and we all share a lovely home. Neither my brother nor myself are married or have family to call upon. We have a couple of good friends and that’s about all I can call on for emergency help. On New Year’s Day my brother (aged 66) woke up lost.
It seems he also has developed Vascular Dementia but at an alarming rate. (The Doctor cannot officially diagnose this and is somewhat shocked at the speed of decline) Trying to get emergency appointment at the Memory Clinic is just not happening and they have just confirmed the 28th March. A life time away with the rate he is deteriorating everyday. He has totally lost any present awareness can’t really retain anything said or experienced. The last 10years of his life seemed to have been wiped and he just continually mixes days and events from the past with the now. We are self funding so I can’t nor do I trust any help from Social Services after their involvement with my mum. They have abandoned Mum since we went for Direct Payments no health checks or social service contact about her welfare.
Any tips on how to deal with my brothers decline would be gratefully received. He is very hyper-active, continually asking questions or talking mostly about things that did not happen (maybe they are from the past) as if they are current. It is not just one memory but as if his whole past life is cascading through in mind, all jumbled with the present. Mostly I deflect or try to re-direct him but this does not always work. He also engages with my Mum into this surreal world and confuses her more. Sometimes she joins in with the fantasy and I am left feeling the one who has a problem with reality. I am exhausted with his energy and as he seems to have lost directing himself follows me around constantly.
The worst moments are at bed-time when my Brother starts hunting for tablets he must have taken in the past. He gets obsessed with trying to find them, turning all lights in the house on and search cupboards and drawers getting more frustrated and annoyed as I can’t help. It can take over 2 hrs before I can get him upstairs to bed and even then he continues throughout the night hunting for these non-existent tablets. I have tried lots diversions but to no avail. I don’t think a placebo would work as he does take some prescribed tablets in the evening already. I also have a letter from the Doctor listing his medication plus telling him not to take any other tablets. This still does not satisfy him. Mornings are also a problem with the same search but I am able to deflect him more with going for a walk or sorting breakfast out.
At the moment I am exhausted both through the situation, lack of sleep and the seeming lack of support from the NHS.
Any tips or suggestions I would welcome.
Thanks