Thank you my friend. We certainly do have to delve deeply into our imaginations at times dont we?!! Much Love Jan xxxx
APPROACHING END WITH MUM : EVERY DAY IS DIFFERENT
- Thread starter Jezzer
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Morning folks
the Guilt Monster has struck! My brother is having surgery today - hopefully just a day case. I'll be driving him to hospital and home again. We have roadworks which have literally brought the city to a halt. A usual 20 min journey took me an hour and a half yesterday. So I have decided not to visit Mum today. If she could, she'd agree entirely. I know in my heart it's a sensible decision so why do I feel so bad about missing one day? I will ring to see how she is of course and resume visits tomorrow but, still..... xx
the Guilt Monster has struck! My brother is having surgery today - hopefully just a day case. I'll be driving him to hospital and home again. We have roadworks which have literally brought the city to a halt. A usual 20 min journey took me an hour and a half yesterday. So I have decided not to visit Mum today. If she could, she'd agree entirely. I know in my heart it's a sensible decision so why do I feel so bad about missing one day? I will ring to see how she is of course and resume visits tomorrow but, still..... xx
Hi @Jezzer
Beat that Guilt Monster with a large blunt object! Although realistically, I do know exactly how you feel ...
Your Mum would understand 100% and would be so pleased that you are supporting your brother today and would be encouraging you to do so.
Ring and get a report on your Mum to put your mind at rest and tell the staff to blow her a kiss from you and tell her you'll be back with her tomorrow - and then prepare yourself for sitting in traffic!
Hope brother's op goes smoothly and he is fine. Take care.
XX
Beat that Guilt Monster with a large blunt object! Although realistically, I do know exactly how you feel ...
Your Mum would understand 100% and would be so pleased that you are supporting your brother today and would be encouraging you to do so.
Ring and get a report on your Mum to put your mind at rest and tell the staff to blow her a kiss from you and tell her you'll be back with her tomorrow - and then prepare yourself for sitting in traffic!
Hope brother's op goes smoothly and he is fine. Take care.
XX
Thanks and bless you Toony. Pathetic, but I feel I need "permission" to not visit today. Your kind words have helped so much. Thanks also for your good wishes for my brother. Yep, the joys of sitting in traffic!!! You take care too and Thank You Jan xxx
Hi jan @Jezzer
Sorry I’m in a rush but just wanted to say that I agree 100% with @Toony Oony
Hope all goes well today.
Love
Lindy xx
Sorry I’m in a rush but just wanted to say that I agree 100% with @Toony Oony
Hope all goes well today.
Love
Lindy xx
Jan do not feel guilty!
@Jezzer i know I am not far from my mum but when we are as busy as we have been then we have to look after ourselves too. Self care is very important. I’m still not feeling great so I don’t want to inflict anything onto my mum. Pushing on with painkillers & CBD oil!
Hope your brother’s op goes well xx
Yes I agree totally with the others. Here is a document from us all, I take the liberty of speaking for us all when I say that: We hereby give you complete and total PERMISSION at all levels and in all global jurisdictions plus outer space, NOT to feel guilty but to care for your dear brother today as you want to do and must do. We are all cheering for you, as you can see from the posts; and your mother would be so proud of you in following her example and caring for both of you as she would do if she could, and as she did.
Thanks Monica. I know you're right and I am, and always have been, my own worst enemy. Trying to sort everyone out except me. I'm sorry you're still not well and hope you soon feel better. I know you're a very busy lady but please don't overdo it. Thanks for good wishes for my brother. Don't know what I'de do without him; we are as one regarding mum and I know how lucky I am when I read about siblings arguing about care, visits etc. Love Jan xxxx
Aww @carolynp That HAS made me smile - THANK YOU!!!! I feel duly granted proper permission - especially the inclusion of outer space! - and especially appreciate the last bit about mum. She definitely would if she could and certainly did! We are just setting off. Thank you everyone. I'm lucky to have you all as friends! Much Love xxx
Thank You Lindy xxxxxDear Jan @Jezzer
Hope all has gone well today. I'm so glad that you and your brother are able to support each other - your mum would be so please, I'm sure
Take care
Lindy xx
Thank you so much my friend. And thank you for adding your post to all the other lovely and supportive ones I have received today. I am so very fortunate to have wonderful friends here on TP.
A Heartfelt Thank You to you all. Love Jan xxxx
Oh my goodness, what an awful lot of things you have going on, I hope your brother is ok today? Also, do not ever feel guilty for not seeing your mum and especially when you were doing something so vitally important and of course which she would want you to do. She would thank you if she could for everything that you do for her and your brother. We had the panel meeting and they are recommending to the CCG that nan does have primary healthcare needs! We are quite shocked Altho that doesn’t definitely mean she will because it is only a recommendation. the lady said it will go to the panel next week so we should hear in the next few weeks. Plus there may be an issue because the home we currently pay for is more than some would pay Altho worth every penny in our opinion so we will have to see what they say about the cost but it went well all the same. I would urge any of you to apply, it’s worth the printing of 100’s of pages of framework, and writing statements and collecting evidence in the end, well we hope so anyway. Thank you everybody on here for their help and support over everything, it really is vital for my sanity.x
Hi there. This sounds positive so fingers crossed. Have to collect my brother from hospital at 8.30. Thanks and take care xx
Morning all
Brother finally ready to leave hospital at 8.45 last night so a long day for him. All went as planned but now I have the problem of getting (well trying at least!) him to follow aftercare instructions. Rest should mean rest, right?
Looking forward to seeing precious little mum later.
Wishing you all well today and Thank You so much for your messages of support yesterday. So much appreciated.
With Love
Jan xxxx
Brother finally ready to leave hospital at 8.45 last night so a long day for him. All went as planned but now I have the problem of getting (well trying at least!) him to follow aftercare instructions. Rest should mean rest, right?
Looking forward to seeing precious little mum later.
Wishing you all well today and Thank You so much for your messages of support yesterday. So much appreciated.
With Love
Jan xxxx
Morning Jan @Jezzer
Depends......how long is he supposed to rest for? Does he have specific instructions re lifting, bending etc?
Good luck!!
And hope you have a good visit today.
Love
Lindy xx
I'm so glad he is safely home. Oh for the days when people were sent to the seaside for three weeks to recover from even minor surgery! The word "convalescence" no longer seems to be in the medical vocabulary, especially since day surgery appeared on the scene! With any luck your dear brother will suddenly find himself fatigued after the initial excitement of being home, and enforced rest will necessarily follow. The other thing you might be able to say to him is what my physiotherapist has had occasion to say to me more than once: that if one overdoes it, and invites a "setback", then recovery after that is actually made slower by having overdone it. Gradual is best - and faster in the long run.
Many hugs, Carolyn. And btw: Well done you! xxxxx
Hello again
Sorry for my much-too-brief reply yesterday. Well, you've got one stage over with and now you have to wait. I'm not sure how the cost of the Home will affect things but you can cross that bridge when you come to it. Social Services will no doubt want the cheapest option but it may (& honestly, I don't know if this will help or not) be worth stating that she is happy & settled in the home, that it is fully meeting her needs and that it is felt it would be detrimental to move her. Apologies if you've already got this in hand. I don't know if those arguments even cut any ice. I think the massive amount of work involved puts many families off and I'm not surprised. Already tired, anxious, stressed out and then faced with all that. I just feel very angry at the way we have to constantly fight when all we are wanting is the best possible care for our loved ones. Dreadful that financial worries should be heaped on top. I recall one Sunday morning a few years back receiving a phone call from the Manager of the Care at Home team telling me SHE had gone through Mum's CHC checklist(!)and she didnt qualify. She also said the house would have to be sold etc! Caught me totally offguard and upset me. I later found a) the decision was not hers to make b) she had no right to even be referring to the financial situation and c) ringing me on a Sunday morning was unacceptable. The NH urged me to report her but I was on my knees at that point. In any event, she really got shot down in flames at the meeting. A really nasty, abrupt and rude woman. Families shouldn't have to go through that. Sorry, I digress; I wish you every success with your fight! Please keep us posted. Love Jan xxxx
Hi Lindy - he can weight bear but for 2 weeks must keep his foot elevated as much as possible. No instructions re bending but definitely no lifting. They've given him oral morphine which is helping with the pain and Im pleased to have just seen where he's written down when he should take it so some things have registered!!! Thanks so much. Love Jan
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