Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

Thank you @jugglingmum, I appreciate you are busy juggling your life, no need for apologies. I’ve been a bit overwhelmed by the number of comments ... if you hadn’t said you were late, I’d have thought I was just late in reading IYKWIM

I keep telling myself not to be sad. Mum is painfree & that’s what matters.

Thank you for the hugs. They are still very much needed

My plan is to sell Poppet, she was bought with mums needs in mind & I can’t face her. I want to find my own version of Poppet & then travel ..., expect a visit one day

 

[Sam Luvit]

Evening or is it night @Rolypoly

Pooch seems to be sad, but he’s not looking for Mum, so I think he understands. He’s keeping real close to me though I’ve left him alone for 2 very short periods since Friday, he seems to have coped. Although jumping all over me on my return.

Youngest is a darling. I had to force myself to smile & tell him I’d be fine, otherwise he wouId have stayed. He has a life to live too.

 

[canary]

Don’t worry @canary I will move to the right part of the site, if I carry on posting, but I’m not done caring for Mum just yet. I’m not ready to move on just yet ...

I wasnt suggesting that you should move to the "right" part - I hadnt actually considered that. It was just that you were talking about traveling and I just meant that I would love to hear about it. Im sorry, I didnt mean to upset you.

 

[Mudgee Joy]

Hi Sam - there will be lots of good memories - often now you will feel her close as you do something that reminds you of her - she hasn’t gone far . Hugs from me too!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Thank you @Amy in the US you talk such sense. It is the unreal speed at which changes were happening. I have a calendar that show June as normal, Mum getting a new haircut on 12th June, then me teaching my nephew & suddenly it has July ... with priest visits & palliative visits & Hospise visits. Now August is filled with collections of equipment. It’s just unreal

There is going to be life after caring, both figurative & really. I’m going to be a grandmother & they are trying to work out if I can be persuaded to move nearer (yes I can now) & a long lost relative, who has privately told me she too is expecting. She’s a bit “in the public eye” so to speak, so it’s privileged information, but I know. Don’t ask. I really can’t tell

I like that. “Travels With Sam”. I might just use that ... can I?

Hugs always welcome & yes, I promise to try to be kind to myself.

 

[Slugsta]

Just topping up the ((((hugs)))) for the night. I hope you are able to rest Sam.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Toony Oony

I got to the point where I had to either reduce my visits or move in. I did try working out how to reduce visits, but I couldn’t. Mum was totally functioning by knowing I was coming back in 5 days. The guilt of making 5 days into 12 days was more than I could bear. I never thought it would be this hard. I didn’t know if I could or if I should. But I did it anyway.

I am becalmed. One day I will pick such a headwind I’ll be off on a tack that no one can catch Is that nautical enough. Oops I might reveal too much of who I was

Melding them all is a lovely idea. It will bring all the people you’ve loved into one place. Close to your heart.

Lol. Poppet, Sam & Pooch on the “Hug Round”. Sounds like a plan. Youngest could be “hug coach” occasional weekends ... some people just do not know how to hug

 

[Sam Luvit]

I need a purpose @Izzy, it’s just who I am. I don’t know about grief ... I’ve yet to grieve for dad ... Mum was diagnosed before I could.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Thank you @Margi29 , you & others have held me up in these raging waters.

I looked in the mirror & understood carers thinking I was my 80’s mother ... it’s going to take a dedicated hairdresser, pumeling masseur & more cash than exists to make me fit for public appearances

Hugs appreciated... Pooch is nicking more than his share

 

[Sam Luvit]

Thoughts are with you at this time

Thank you ... with a name like that ... we might meet on a distant site one day

 

[Izzy]

I need a purpose @Izzy, it’s just who I am. I don’t know about grief ... I’ve yet to grieve for dad ... Mum was diagnosed before I could.

That’s what happened with my mum and Bill.

I think grief is so different for everyone. I think talking like this is part of the grieving process. As for a purpose - I have no doubt that you will find your purpose.

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I need a purpose @Izzy, it’s just who I am. I don’t know about grief ... I’ve yet to grieve for dad ... Mum was diagnosed before I could.

I can relate to that I don't feel I ever grieved for mum because from day one after she died I moved in with dad trying to help him in his confusion but then with dementia the grieving for dad the person he was started during his decline. Everyone reacts differently and in their own time I would say for me it is only now nearly 18 mths after dad died that I feel I have adjusted to some degree of the black hole and huge gap that is left.

As arrangements for your mum's funeral fall into place you will hopefully feel a sense of purpose in that you are carrying out your mum's wishes. Beyond that..take things steadily at your own pace.

Aye Aye Captain...man the lifeboats

 

[Amy in the US]

Another deposit of ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) and some extra special ((((((((((((hugs for Pooch)))))))))))), too!

 

[imsoblue]

Coming to America? I can help you "pass a good time." We kiss with our hugs! So here's a smack on your cheek!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @notsogooddtr

A grandchild & another baby due December / January, something to look forward to. I hope I can spend time with them both.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @Slugsta

It is a strange time, last night was my first time alone. Pooch & are are sitting quietly on the garden swing, enjoying the sunshine, before the start of the unravelling begins. I’ve told the essential people, now it’s on to friends & estranged family ... or rather ... lost touch with & couldn't find as I hadn’t the time. On the positive, I might find more for the family tree.

The Hug Bus with Pooch & Sam .... (to be continued)

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @Prudence9

Thank you for the hugs, I crawled into bed, Pooch hopped up & we drifted off together. I’m still waking, but rolling over & sleeping again. It’s going to take a while to get a proper sleep pattern, but I’m slowly getting more

 

[2jays]

Coooo eeeeeee

Crazy time here in holiday place

Not so crazy as yours must feel sometimes xxxx

Topping up the bug hugs

HUGS

 

[Slugsta]

It was will take a time to make up the deficit and re-establish your sleep pattern Sam (((hugs)))

I managed to lose both address books (mine and Mum's) when we moved last year, so I am sure there are people who would have liked to know that Mum had passed . . . Spookily, I found my address book just recently, sitting on my bedside table as if it had been there all along!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Don't know if you are aware of this Sam - hopefully will cut down on the paperwork -

https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once

Thank you for that, I’ve opened in another tab & will use the list ... Tell Us Once is not available here, but the list will help me check I’ve got it covered, very useful