Two years to get this bad. What now?
- Thread starter AL60
- Start date
These elections are important. They bring changes.Margherita, voting is such fun
And going away for some hours is a godsend
Hi. Who'd have thought two hours could be so much fun. It soon passes then home again. But i must say my wife has been mostly quiet, almost subdued , in fact im posting now, early evening, because she's gone to bed early, very early. It's not that unusual but even so, 17:45! Don't knock it. I'll just enjoy the moment. When I checked she was reading . I asked her what the book was about. She just read out what was on the back cover. So I don't actually know if she retains anything of the story. I can remember back in the early seventies my grandfather lived with us, as was often the norm in those Times, after a stroke he came back home and would sit in his chair and read his old paperback westerns, cover to cover but upside down. I never thought to ask if he was actually reading or not, he just quietly read them all.
Well it's after midnight now and all is still quiet, im beginning to wonder if she's entering another phase, a quieter one. Either that or the medication is now starting to work, its been two weeks now since her dose was increased. One thing's certain , I'm not going to reduce them to find out.
I'm going to try to sleep now, I say try, you know how it is, thirty minutes power nap mid evening and that's it, you're in the wide awake club again. So anyway, here goes , lights out and goodnight Al.
Well it's after midnight now and all is still quiet, im beginning to wonder if she's entering another phase, a quieter one. Either that or the medication is now starting to work, its been two weeks now since her dose was increased. One thing's certain , I'm not going to reduce them to find out.
I'm going to try to sleep now, I say try, you know how it is, thirty minutes power nap mid evening and that's it, you're in the wide awake club again. So anyway, here goes , lights out and goodnight Al.
@AL60 it’s amazing and reassuring how much various posts echo peoples experiences. In this case it’s the going to bed early and ‘reading’. My OH has been going to bed earlier and earlier to read unless I can get him interested in a TV programme, not easy. I know he is not really taking it in because when we discuss the plot he can’t really remember and when he does he gets it wrong, but he enjoys it. The earliest was 7pm but he settles down at 10pm and can’t get to sleep so is up and down until I go to bed about 11-11.30pm. He is quite happy so I leave him to do as he wishes. If I have managed to control his wine intake he is up and bright at a reasonable time. Otherwise he is late up and not too good. The past three days have been good so I am hopeful that he is getting into a routine because he is such a creature of habit, quite obsessive about everything being the same.
Hi. It's a real roller coaster ride isn't it. At least with a roller coaster you have a rough idea what's next.
Hi. If it was a new phase or the new medication it didn't last. Normal service resumed this morning. Don't worry, i can cope . Things could be worse. Al.
Hi. I had hoped we'd turned a corner and things would improve if only for a short while. People who know us often say, oh I don't know how you do it , i couldn't cope and yet you always seem fine. That's just a facade, i use humour as a shield, the real hurt is on the inside safely hidden away, eating away at you from the inside . Not much humour in this post is there. Ok then, that's enough for one night. I thought a nice early night would do me good, already its gone eleven. So, goodnight, Al. .
Hi:
So sorry, I know & understand where you are coming from. I know it sounds mean, nasty, cruel & selfish but I sometimes wonder who the real victim is. Tomorrow's a new day with new challenges. Oh joy.
Well, Al...for a while there, you had ‘turned a corner’. I had a friend who always used to say to me, look for the currants in the bun. So we just need to enjoy the moments when something good happens (or maybe just the absence of something bad) and the memory of those times can help to carry us through the rest of life when we are just wading through the dough!
Maybe today will have some good moments. The snow has gone from here, so at least we can get out without risking life and limb!
Maybe today will have some good moments. The snow has gone from here, so at least we can get out without risking life and limb!
Hi AL 60.
Sounds familiar!
I swear my hubby thinks food is poisonous.
He can still play euchre, but he refuses any food except ice cream or milk shakes.
He lives with his 96 yr old mother and acts as her carer. I live 2 doors up the street. He definitely has dementia and I have no idea what he is doing when he's
down taking care of her.
He has gotten into big financial mess with a scam. Our money for retirement is gone. And yet, he continues providing care for her.
I figure this will not last. Dementia will win out and his mother won't take care of him!
I am a registered nurse. I will try my best.
He is 75, I am 74. This is a crazy life[/QUOTE]
... And here in Australia it's 35 degrees C., with 37 deg expected tomorrow ... My OH is watering the garden, which is giving me a lovely break and the opportunity to make a proper start here (as a new member). When he last did this on a hot day, he overtired himself to the point where, when he came back indoors, he started speaking to me in Italian (his first language), because he'd decided I was his sister. When I explained that No, I am his wife - and actually, we speak English together, and always have done - he thought for a long moment and then looked up, light bulb going off slowly in his head, and said, with the air of someone finally concluding the other person had a good case, "You're right!" It was a light moment in a difficult time.
I'm now musing on whether snow or high heat is harder to deal with when a carer of someone with dementia ... Well, it's interesting to have something a bit different to think about. Many supportive thoughts to Al60 from 10,000 miles away.
Hi. Wow, what would I do if 37 degrees was forecast for tomorrow someone somewhere would complain about the heat , not me. As for all that snow, well not in our corner of the world . Just a couple of centimetres , an inch in old money and that was it. Snow most days not amounting to anything and now rain. Oh yes , it's foggy outside now. A little bit of everything. Unlike my wife, who's foul temper is far from variable, it seems full on nastiness going on and on. When at the end of another long day she says the words, " I think I might go to bed" she get every encouragement from me. No matter where she wants to go, I take her and No matter what she wants to do, we do it, to be honest there isn't much she ever wants to do anyway, she has so little interest in anything. All I'm trying to say is everything I do is for her and all I'm getting in return is verbal abuse. I know it's not her ,it's the dementia , eight words that mean absolutely nothing. I'm sure many will agree. All's quiet now though. At least most nights she sleeps through. So I'm lying here, one finger typing , struggling to see, still not found those reading glasses , not really wanting to go to sleep too soon because I know that morning will come all to soon and off we go again. So much for turning a corner, turned out to be an S bend. Could've been worse, could've been a cul de sac. I'm going to give up soon, I've had enough , not with my OH, no, i mean with this post. Tiredness is getting the better of me so I'll sign off now. Al..
Hi Al
You are doing a great job in very difficult circumstances.
I don't think that I am alone in thinking that one of the most horrid aspects, is having to progress from being a husband/wife, son/daughter etc to taking on the role of carer.
No matter how good or bad the PWD is, there will inevitably be some resentment creeping in, which you then feel guilty about? I certainly do.
I don't have to deal with the aggression like yourself, but every now and again, I just feel like jumping in the car, driving off and not coming back!
Keep up the good work but take care of yourself.
Best wishes.
Phil
You are doing a great job in very difficult circumstances.
I don't think that I am alone in thinking that one of the most horrid aspects, is having to progress from being a husband/wife, son/daughter etc to taking on the role of carer.
No matter how good or bad the PWD is, there will inevitably be some resentment creeping in, which you then feel guilty about? I certainly do.
I don't have to deal with the aggression like yourself, but every now and again, I just feel like jumping in the car, driving off and not coming back!
Keep up the good work but take care of yourself.
Best wishes.
Phil
Hi. I'm not so sure I'm doing a great job, but I do agree there're very difficult circumstances. I also agree that the transition from husband to carer is probably the toughest job ever . Al.
Hi again. I really feel like I've had the stuffing knocked out of me tonight. One long rage from four til eight thirty. So bad I had to ring 111 for advice. Things eventually calmed down. But you know how it is, for the rest of the evening you feel on edge, just an awful feeling. You may wonder what was the cause of all this upset? Well, i refused to give her the key to her medication box ! Cruel aren't I . She was convinced that the carer hadn't given her the tablet this morning. She had. It was so bad both my daughter and myself felt unsafe. Things can't go on like this . It's been a long night so I'll sign off now. No doubt that tomorrow morning she'll be right as rain as if nothing has happened. So, goodnight. Al. ps, i promise a happier post next time. .
So do I.
I am angry and resentful.
Some of you can at least say their OHs were lovely before dementia.
Which is not my case, I am afraid
Hi Margherita, I guess the only way out is through....whatever the next phase of this disease holds for us.
No promises needed. We are just hear to listen, to the good times, the not so good times, the sad times, the confusing times , but most often the frustrating times while watching beers or glasses of wine (many glasses) disappear. I think I'll just stowaway on a rocket ship and go to a land far, far away. That won't be good though, they say "better the devil you know than the devil you don't. At least I love this devil.
Hope today is quieter. You're not cruel, you just had the stuffing knocked out of you. It takes awhile to put it back.